EL PASO – (Satire News) – The Texas county of El Paso has just made history, as it has elected it’s first female sheriff.
Boom Boom News reporter Chipotle Caruso broke the story of 27-year-old ex-hooters girl, Vicki Papaya, winning the sheriff’s election by an overwhelming 83% of the vote.
Miss Papaya, who only recently had become an El Paso County deputy, was thrilled at her victory over GOP candidate Elmo “Loose Britches” Passidy, who just recently turned 94.
Many of the voters who voted for Miss Papaya were actually Republicans, who were afraid that at 94, Sheriff Passidy could possibly end up accidentally shooting a fellow law enforcement officer or an innocent individual.
Passidy’s wife Briskette Jo, 87, remarked that just last week as Elmo was eating a bacon, egg, and broccoli breakfast taco his Colt 45 pistol accidentally discharged, barely missing the couple’s pet cockatoo Trumpy by two inches.
SIDENOTE: Mrs. Passidy said that since the shooting incident all Trumpy wants to do is sit in his cage, giggle, and masturbate.
