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Police Apologise for "Upsetting" Description of Man's Genitals

Funny story: Police Apologise for "Upsetting" Description of Man's Genitals

North Yorkshire Police have apologised for providing "too much detail" in a description of a man who performed a sex act in front of a woman in York. The force had said it was looking for a "fat, naked man" and described his sexual organs explicitly...

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Alleged man allegedly arrested for alleged crime

Funny story: Alleged man allegedly arrested for alleged crime

Richard Puttup-Yur Dukes, allegedly an All-Tuna, Pennsylvania, man was allegedly arrested for alleged cruelty to animals after he allegedly punched a police officer in the face. The officer was allegedly responding to a call concerning Dukes's all...

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Edge City Police Rule Bank Robbery As a Non-Crime, Implying That the Bank Brought it Upon Themselves

EDGE CITY, NY – After hours of investigating this morning's robbery of the Edge City Bank, Police Commissioner Ben Gothan declared that the robbery was a non-crime. Detective Mitch Callaway addressed the assembled press with a pre-written statemen...

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"999 What's Your Emer...Ah Fuck It"

A shocking new report has found that over one million crimes a year aren’t even investigated by the police. To people who enjoy stealing cheap bottles of cider, this is great news! But, for those of us who expect our law enforcement to do a semi comp...

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Gruesome Murder Reconstruction Ends In Gruesome Murder

Funny story: Gruesome Murder Reconstruction Ends In Gruesome Murder

Police supervising a TV documentary murder reconstruction of an unsolved slaying that happened 20 years ago, have egg on their faces this evening, after a second murder took place in exactly the same manner as the first one. In Epsom, back in 199...

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Senator Ted Cruz on what to do if you're in your home and find yourself murdered by police

In a television interview Sunday, Senator Ted Cruz offered the public some wise advice on how to react when you find yourself murdered in your own home by police.  Speaking about the recent fatal shooting of a black man in Dallas, the Senator astutel...

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German Police Arrest Squirrel

Karlsruhe, Deutschland—A terrified man called police when he was threatened by a squirrel. The tiny rodent, whom authorities identified as a baby, was in hot pursuit of the victim when police arrived on the scene. “It was a sight to behold,” on...

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Manchester Woman Reporting Murder Was Given 'Police Crime Number'

Funny story: Manchester Woman Reporting Murder Was Given 'Police Crime Number'

A woman who reported what turned out to be a violent murder to police, was told by a switchboard operator that there were no officers available to attend to her 'situation', whereupon she was given a 'crime number'. The woman, who wishes to remain...

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Police force report shows "significant improvement"

The police watchdog announced on Tuesday “Woof, woof, woof.” No, not really, we just thought we’d open with a joke because the world is such a terrible place full of shit and hate right now. Stark, but true. A police watchdog has actually said: "H...

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Hero Broward Sheriff's Deputies Pull Over Old Lady

Funny story: Hero Broward Sheriff's Deputies Pull Over Old Lady

Four sheriff deputies have emotionally recalled the terrifying moment they surrounded a vehicle driven by 85-year old Mable Gosling who had failed to indicate a left turn after exiting a shopping mall about 10 miles from where an armed robbery was in...

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Local Man has bad Dreams, turns himself into Police*

Funny story: Local Man has bad Dreams, turns himself into Police*

Portland. A local man, Carl Schlipty, a faucet hinge cleaner, turned himself into to police custody recently after experiencing several "unsettling" dreams involving tornadoes. "I was afraid I'd be a danger to myself and to others. I just couldn...

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Man reported shouting at a Sports Game on his TV. Suspecting possible self-harming, Police taser and kill him to protect him.

Funny story: Man reported shouting at a Sports Game on his TV. Suspecting possible self-harming, Police taser and kill him to protect him.

In Canberra Australia and man who was a bit drunk and was shouting in his lounge room was deemed to be a huge public risk and was tasered to death. Police say he was shouting nasty things at them, like get out of my house you pack of storm trooper...

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Police issued new cars on Humberside! Fairground dodgem cars take over from Pandas!

Funny story: Police issued new cars on Humberside! Fairground dodgem cars take over from Pandas!

The Humberside police force have been issued with a new fleet of open-top cars called Dodgems! Originally, the cars were only seen at fairgrounds all over the country. Police on Humberside have been trying out their latest fleet of vehicles at fai...

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Police Shoot, Kill, Nude Pregnant Woman

An uneasy feeling permeated the squad room as half a dozen or so officers waited for Chief Backoff's appearance. They knew the Chief's reprimand would be harsh, biting and very personal. After all, the shooting of a nude woman had never occurred here before. And two of the three cops who pulled the triggers were in the room. Abruptly the squad room door banged open and Chief Backoff barreled i...

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Early on, Planet Earth looked like a giant jelly doughnut, scientists theorize

Funny story: Early on, Planet Earth looked like a giant jelly doughnut, scientists theorize

The latest in science news theorizes that the earth was originally a Synestia - it took on a giant jelly doughnut shape early in its history, about 4.5 billion years ago. Some scientists believe the earth was originally a blob of mostly vaporized...

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New robot invented to help stop certain racially-motivated attacks

Funny story: New robot invented to help stop certain racially-motivated attacks

Spottedville officials have had enough of a sudden increase in specific racially-motivated crimes. According to Mayor Jenny Smith, "You usually don't hear much about anti-white racism, and it isn't politically correct to mention it. We had to do...

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Schmidt & Weissen to produce bidirectional pistol

Funny story: Schmidt & Weissen to produce bidirectional pistol

Schmidt & Weissen, a major gun manufacturer in the US, is developing a bidirectional pistol. Paul Gant of Schmidt & Weissen says, "This is the only gun I'd recommend to scumbags and known gang members." The police have mixed feelings about...

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Gideon Strikes Back!

George Osborne has called Teresa may "a dead woman walking" after her election cock up. Unsurprisingly coming from the mouth of a man who we believe has been dead for some time and merely jumps his consciousness into recently deceased bodies. Look in...

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Breaking news…

Trump's New Chief-Of-Staff Alec Baldwin

Alec Baldwin volunteers to be Trump’s new chief-of-staff.

"You're hired."
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