Surprise Sparks Fireworks Over Holiday Weekend

Funny story written by Xavier Fairbanks

Wednesday, 6 July 2016

image for Surprise Sparks Fireworks Over Holiday Weekend
Police arrive outside the home of Lafonda Cracker on July 4, 2016

This holiday weekend, an Ohio woman received the experience of a lifetime that nearly ended in tragedy. Lafonda Cracker was returning home after a long shift at a local retail store when she was surprised by her friends and family.

"It was such an amazing surprise. They damn near gave me a heart attack when I came in the house." Lafonda commented.

Unfortunately, that surprise would be the cause of a startled response not uncommon for people in this local neighborhood.

"These people just don't understand the workings of the hood! I loved the surprise and all, but when someone jumps out at you in the dark in the hood, you act quick." Said neighbor Cat Callum.

"I grabbed my gun and I fired. I just fired for my life." Lafonda stated to Police.

That's when the once anticipated celebration took a turn for the worse. Lafonda proceeded to fire off multiple rounds into the crowd of unsuspecting party goers.

"We should have known better." said Mark Flounders, longtime friend of Lafonda.

"This is the hood. I mean when I look at it I would have done the same thing. Come home after work and some N$%%^ jumpin out from behind a couch at me. Hell, we're just all lucky none of us were hurt!"

Police say no one has pressed charges regarding the incident, but extend a warning to others who may be planning surprise parties for loved ones.

"Know your surroundings. You've got to be smart about things. We all know the area in question is one of the most crime ridden ghettos in the area. It is without a doubt the true Hood." Said police chief Whitey. "Remember that just because you think it is going to be a good time doesn't mean it will be. Be prepared and don't be stupid!"

All parties involved were not prosecuted nor charged and as police say, "are lucky to be alive today after such a negligent celebration".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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