Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 26 December 2008

image for Stan Collymore Lands Leading Role In Remake Of BBC's 'Dixon Of Dock Green Car Park'
Coppers meeting for dogging

Stan Collymore, the former Liverpool player and Doggist, is set to follow fellow footballer Vinnie Jones into the world of movies, after landing the lead role in the remake of the classic BBC television police series, Dixon of Dock Green.

The original show, which was broadcast between 1955 and 1976, has been given a revamp for today's modern, and forward-thinking audiences.

With this in mind, producers have re-named the show Dixon Of Dock Green Car Park.

Collymore takes the role of Constable George Dixon, previously played by Jack Warner, who provided viewers with a warm, paternal and frequently moralising presence.

The modern version will feature more topical issues, such as knife-crime, drug-dealing and 'aspects of a sexual nature', including prostitution, deviancy and dogging.

Promiscuity figures widely in the show, with Dixon (Collymore) being shown to viewers early on as an exponent in the art of dogging, much of which goes on in the car park of the programme's title.

As has already been mentioned, Collymore has a history of turning up in remore car parks and country lanes with a view to shagging anyone present, and he told our Spoof reporter he was looking forward to uttering Mr Warner's well-known phrases.
Said Colly:

"I can't wait to say Evening All! and me favourite: and All right, let's be havin' you!."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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