MOBILE, Alabama - (Satire News) - It’s hard to believe that national retail stores such as Dilly Dally, Lollygag, and Walmart are already starting to sell Christmas items such as ornaments, wreaths, Christmas Ramen, and of course Christmas trees.
One Walmart store in Mobile, Alabama, reported that store security caught a 96-year-old woman trying to steal one of their 19-foot tall Christmas trees.
When confronted outside the store, the woman identified as Pandora Panshiggy, remarked that the store manager had given the tree to her in exchange for a passionate kiss.
She then changed her story and actually told police that the damn tree had for some weird-as-shit reason simply followed her out of the store.
Security took the tree back to the store and police took Mrs. Panshiggy to the police station and booked her on attempted tree rustling charges.