Archbishop of Canterbury fined for speeding

Funny story written by ExiledRoyal

Friday, 12 May 2023

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A Man Not Unfamiliar With Psychedelics

The Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Wellbehold, has admitted that he has paid a fine after being caught speeding.

The event happened two days after he crowned King Charles III at Westminster Abbey.

The cleric told us, "To be honest, I was buzzing my nuts off after the Big Show last weekend, so I did a couple of lines of Whizz before I went home. But unfortunately, The Plod saw me chopping them out on my dashboard."

The Rt Revd Wellbehold pleaded guilty and managed to avoid an embarrassing court appearance. However, Magistrate Mike Bangedtorights was less than impressed.

"The fact that he gets to wear a big pointy hat and swan around in an expensive frock doesn't mean he can just snort crank at the least provocation," said Magistrate Bangedtorights.

The police officer who apprehended him told the court, "I asked the Archbishop, 'Did you know you were doing 60 in a 30 zone? I have reason to believe you're taking drugs.'"

He continued, "Wellbehold said to me, and I quote, 'You're only saying I'm on drugs because you hate Vicars'. So I replied, 'It has nothing to do with being a Vicar. Or an Archbishop.'"

Wellbehold started to get defiant and aggressive. "How do you know I've been snorting Bam then?'"

I told him, "You were doing 60 in a 30 zone, and you weren't even in your sodding car."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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