Redundancies At Travelling Circus As Virus Lockdown Hits Tourism
Citing a lack of visitors, spiralling food costs, and other financial issues due to the current global pandemic, Tatty Mullett's Travelling Circus and Freak Show announced they would be laying off nearly seventy members of staff, including clowns, f...
Read full storyChina's Military Aspirations A Concern Says Wee Jimmy Krankie
China’s military capabilities are growing deadlier and more technologically sophisticated, says former cabaret and TV star, Wee Jimmy Krankie. China is likely training for bombing strikes against American targets, and also strengthening its nuclear c...
Read full storyHillary Clinton Asks Dr. Billingsgate For Marital Help
BILLINGSGATE POST: Dear Dr. Billingsgate, Ever since I lost the election to Donald Trump, my husband has not been himself. He complains about everything; stomach problems, not being able to focus, and most troublesome of all, during sex, he c...
Read full storySelf-Isolating 50-Year-Old Bachelor Reflects On Life
Self-isolating Blackpool bachelor, John Hunt, 50, is dwelling and reflecting on his past, according to reports emanating from the northern seaside town. Hunt, who lives alone, is nostalgically reflecting on happier times, such as when he was a membe...
Read full storyNashville Man Consoles Himself that He Probably Wouldn't Have Made 2020 Summer Olympics Anyway
After learning that the 2020 Summer Olympics in Tokyo had been postponed until July of 2021, Wayne Markham of Nashville, Tennessee, consoled himself that he probably wouldn't have made the Olympics this year, anyway. "I hadn't gotten into the real...
Read full storyWoman Sports Host Said 'Grand Prix' Incorrectly
A female sports reporter on a local TV news channel made a glaring and embarrassing error last night when speaking about the cancelled British Formula 1 Grand Prix at Silverstone on July 19. The woman, who, clearly, had something else on her filt...
Read full storyITV only weeks away from running out of 'Midsomer Murders' Repeats
Controllers at ITV have admitted that they are only three weeks away from being unable to show more repeats of 'Midsomer Murders'. The show, famous for its ludicrous storylines, high mortality rate, inventive forms of death and destruction, and no...
Read full storyThe Nation’s Top Germaphobe Howie Mandel Says He Is Literally Going Crazy Regarding COVID-19
MANHATTAN – America’s Got Talent Judge, Howie Mandel, who has always been regarded as the top germaphobe in the country, has gone into isolated hiding. His wife, Terry, has said that he tells her every two hours or so that he is going to go crazy...
Read full storyFox News Considering Firing Judge Jeanine Pirro
NEW YORK CITY – Word coming out of the Ivory Tower at the Fair and Balanced Network is that the powers-that-be are not at all happy with one Judge Jeanine Pirro. And the reason for Fox News honchos being unhappy, is because Judge Pirro, who was te...
Read full storyA Woman Becomes Pregnant While Waiting in Line at an Arkansas Walmart
HOT SPRINGS, Arkansas – A Walmart security guard with 17 years experience, said he saw a very unusual thing while on night duty at a local Walmart. Security guard, Fabian Gribble, told the local authorities that a woman, who said her name was Bets...
Read full storyAmazon’s Alexa is Now Openly Chatting With People Who are in Self-Isolation
NEW YORK CITY – Alexa, Amazon’s personal virtual assistant, who came into being in 2014, has become tremendously popular, and has now been asked to step it up a notch. Alexa, who has been called everything from a voice interaction goddess to an in...
Read full storyGov. Cuomo Announces That This Year's New York City Marathon Will Now Take Place in Billionaire Mike Bloomberg’s Backyard
NEW YORK CITY – In an effort to try and keep things as normal as humanly possible, Gov. Cuomo has addressed the matter of this year’s New York Marathon Race. The governor has personally informed all of the marathon race sponsors that the race wil...
Read full storyStrictly Come Dancing To Be Replaced By New Show
The BBC has announced that, due to the deadly Coronavirus outbreak, and the new authoritarian rules imposed by the government to limit its spread, 'Strictly Come Dancing' has been put on hold, and will be replaced by a new show which stays well withi...
Read full storyWoman Seriously Hurt After Bursting Zit
A woman has been seriously hurt after she squeezed an enormous zit in her bathroom, it's been reported. The woman, 23-year-old Janice Robson, told her friends on Facebook that she had been bothered by the unsightly ball of yellow pus on her chin f...
Read full storyMan Had Splitting Headache
We've all been there. A long, hard day at work, battling traffic on the way home, coming home to screaming kids, and then your tea isn't ready when you get there - it's enough to give you a splitting headache! And that's what happened to one man i...
Read full storyHomoeopaths told you've had your fun but now it's time to start saving lives
The scientific community has appealed to all practitioners of homoeopathy to stop sitting on their hands, and to come to the aid of the fight against the deadly covid-19 virus. A spokesman for the World Science Council told newsmen, last night: "T...
Read full storyOverzealous UK Police Launch Operation Powertrip
Assistant Commissioner Neil Basu demanded that officers maintain the British tradition of 'policing by consent', despite launching 'Operation Powertrip', the plan that calls for the harassment of joggers and easter egg shoppers, and the random shooti...
Read full storyCarl Spackler Seeks Sanctuary With Dalai Lama
BILLINGSGATE POST: With Bushwood Country Club closed to play because of the Coronavirus epidemic, course superintendent, Carl Spackler, decided to seek refuge in Tibet with his old pal and mentor, the Dalai Lama. He writes to Dr. Billingsgate:...
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