BILLINGSGATE POST: With Bushwood Country Club closed to play because of the Coronavirus epidemic, course superintendent, Carl Spackler, decided to seek refuge in Tibet with his old pal and mentor, the Dalai Lama.
He writes to Dr. Billingsgate:
“Dude, It's like crazy over here. I mean it's like no one works. All the guys run around in Saffron robes, chanting umbrageous mumbo-jumbo and sipping green tea. They don't seem to dig pushy chicks with pierced nipples and tattoos of insects on their buttocks.
I just got my head shaved, and I will be going through purification rites soon. Can't wait to see my soul from the inside-out. Hope to send you photographic evidence if anything shows up.
So far, I haven’t seen any rodents or viruses.”
From the Dalai Lama:
“Mr. Carl Spackler has been under my miasmic tutelage for the past two weeks. He has already endeared himself to the common beasts of burden in our small Tibetan village, having convinced all of the women that he is indeed the blessed one.”
Slim: “Dalai, It is heart warming to hear that Carl has finally found nirvanna in your land. Please keep him away from rodents, cross-dressing lamas, and Indian soothsayers. He is an expert in pyrotechnics.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Especially the cross-dressing lamas.”