NEW YORK CITY – Word coming out of the Ivory Tower at the Fair and Balanced Network is that the powers-that-be are not at all happy with one Judge Jeanine Pirro.
And the reason for Fox News honchos being unhappy, is because Judge Pirro, who was telecasting her show from her home, appeared to be somewhat under the influence.
When “Tipsy” Pirro started her show, she could be seen blinking every 1.3 seconds, and her hair looked like she had combed it with firecrackers.
If one looked closely, one could also see that her bra was actually on backwards.
But, perhaps, the big tip-off was the bottle of Smirnoff Vodka that could clearly be seen at the end of her desk.
Pirro’s maid, Athena, said that Pirro was not drunk, and that she was just tired from having done 400 sit-ups earlier in the day.
The maid also revealed that the judge had eaten a lobster a mere hour before showtime, that most likely was tainted with New Jersey ocean bottom bacteria.
And as east coast residents are well aware, New Jersey ocean bottom bacteria can cause all kinds of problems from dizziness to athlete’s foot.
It can also cause one to appear quite drunk and mispronounce simple words such as “cow”, “the”, and “hmmmm”.
A spokesperson for the network has said that the big boys (bosses) are meeting to see if they can fire Pirro without her pitching a fit and threatening to countersue.
IN CLOSING - An insider stated that Pirro will not get fired, simply because she just has way too much dirt on Sean Hannity, Tucker Carlson, Laura Ingraham, and some other little-known Foxer named Greg Gutfeld.