Homoeopaths told you've had your fun but now it's time to start saving lives

Written by Clive Danton

Tuesday, 31 March 2020

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The scientific community has appealed to all practitioners of homoeopathy to stop sitting on their hands, and to come to the aid of the fight against the deadly covid-19 virus.

A spokesman for the World Science Council told newsmen, last night: "This coronavirus situation is becoming pretty serious, and we now believe it's time for the big boys to step up to the plate before we end up with a global disaster on our hands.

"We realise that homoeopaths have been sitting back and enjoying watching us struggle, safe in the knowledge that they can step forward at any point and put the whole thing to bed by giving us all some grass juice to drink, or something along those lines.

"However, the scientific and medical community feel that it's now time to put aside petty rivalries for the good of mankind. So, we are appealing to all homoeopaths to come forward and bail us out of this mess asap."

The Association of Homoeopaths responded in a written statement, last night: "We freely admit to having enjoyed watching all those so-called medical experts failing miserably to save mankind with their futile searches for testing kits and potentially-deadly vaccines.

"However, we do accept that the death toll is getting a little bit naughty, and realise it's our duty to step into the breach."

The first homoeopathic remedy, Icke's Vapour Rub, will go on sale at £70 per-50-centilitre bottle later on today, at a number of health food outlets with a strict, one-bottle-per-sucker limit in place until everybody's feeling better.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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