There’ll be no return to austerity as PM is concerned people might think he’s a pillock
The prime minister will personally take charge of the anti-austerity movement, and will be at the forefront of taking down any statues to those who’ve talked about it, thought about it or heard of it, and specifically those statues that haven’t been…
Read full storyWoman still hasn't started her painting
Vera Smythe still hasn't started the painting she has been planning to do for years. The sprightly 73-year-old had always hoped to paint a masterpiece when she had the time, but even though she has been in Lockdown for four months, she still hasn't s…
Read full storyMan regrets buying a set of dumbells
Stan Bridgewater regrets the set of dumbells that he bought from Argos three days before the country went into Lockdown. 'They just sit there in the lounge, mocking my pipe-cleaner arms. I swore that, by the time Lockdown was lifted, I would be ab…
Read full storyMount Rushmore The Scene Of Huge, Unexplained Landslide
Police and emergency services in the Black Hills, South Dakota, were called out to deal with potential casualties this morning, after an incident at Mount Rushmore left the world-famous site reduced to a pile of rubble. The location is known for t…
Read full storyTrump Forgets To Add A Few Living Folks To His National Garden Of Heroes
The latest distraction from the deadly coronavirus and the Clorox solution, Russian bounty money to kill U.S. soldiers, Mexico and the wall, the Michael Flynn case, the Roger Stone case, the Jeffrey Epstein case, the Ghislaine Maxwell case, the Mary…
Read full storyBurping Brit binge boozing back blasts BOJO!
The words 'slammed' and 'blast' have become quite popular among British tabloid language. These words used by tabloid reporters generally describe how punters on TV feel about football players, politicians, and reality show morons. Prime Minister...
Read full storyErratic Musk-ox Gores Biden, Guarantees Trump Re-election
Silicon Valley, CA, Urgent to The Spoof. An unpredictable and Elon-gated Musk-ox, until now confined to outer space or to electrifying the nation on the highways, suddenly turned vicious and attacked an unsuspecting Joseph Biden with a butt that turn…
Read full storyTrump sends subtle message that he is a Lefty
To celebrate America’s Independence Day, all former presidents deliver their sage and healing words standing tall and proud at the centre of the podium. However, Mr Trump has subtly indicated where his interest and vote banks lie. “We are now in t...
Read full storyGhislaine Maxwell Says That In-N-Out Burger is Her Favorite Hamburger Franchise
IRVINE, California - The In-N-Out hamburger chain commented that they do not recall sex pervert Ghislaine Maxwell ever eating at their establishment as she has stated. Maxwell told one of the jail guards who is guarding her that her favorite hambu…
Read full storyKanye West Announces He Wants To Be The Second Black President
HOLLYWOOD – Hip-Hop Rapper Kanye West, who is married to Kim Kardashian, has just thrown his durag into the presidential ring, and stated that he wants to be the nation's second black president. Westy, as Tucker Carlson calls him, says that he is…
Read full storyThe Pink Lives Matter Movement To Have a Big Lollapalooza Type Music Festival
SAN FRANCISCO – Members of the newly-formed Pink Lives Matter movement have announced plans for a big entertainment whoop-dee-do, as they say down in Nawlins (New Orleans). Organizers, Bruce Figwater and Myron Tutu, have informed the media that th…
Read full storyKanye West Endorsed by GOP for November Election
Kanye West announced on Saturday, July 4th, 2020, that he would be entering the presidential race. Kayleigh McEnany, spokesperson for the White House, announced that Donald Trump would not be seeking a second term, but would, instead, endorse Wes…
Read full storyJoey “The Stud” Chestnut Easily Captures The Annual Nathan’s Famous July Fourth Hot Dog Eating Contest
BROOKLYN, New York – Joey Chestnut won his 13th straight Nathan's Famous July Fourth Hot Dog Eating Contest, as he put away a grand total of 75 hot dogs in only 10 minutes. Joey says that he warms up by eating a quart of strawberry Jello which he…
Read full storyThe Cleveland Indians Name is Heading To That Big Teepee in The Sky
CLEVELAND – Major League Baseball is serious about doing away with team names that are offensive to Native-Americans. An attorney for the Red Lives Matter organization stated that Native-Americans were actually the owners of America, even before C…
Read full storyThe Amazing Miki Sudo Captures The Women’s Hot Dog Eating Contest for the 7th Year in a Row
BROOKLYN – Miki Sudo is a member of the Major League Eating Federation, and she has captured national eating titles in many categories. Over the July 4th holiday, Miki easily won the womens division of the Nathan’s Famous July Fourth Hot Dog Eatin…
Read full storyOverwhelmed Substance Abuse Counselor Pleas With General Managers And Corporate To Reduce Alcohol And Drug Testing For The Sake Of Production
Grand Rapids, Michigan. After deeply reflecting on the fact that Timber Tech's Best Craft Furniture & Decking Boards, Inc. would be on the verge of an irreversible collapse if the company kept routinely testing its employees at various Midwester…
Read full story