Snitches Dying At A Higher Rate From COVID-19 Than Any Other Demographic
COVID-19, also, known as the coronavirus, is killing a disproportionate number of snitches than the rest of society, in the US data of COVID-19 demographic deaths. The snitch population density, which composes 20 percent of US society, has now accou...
Read full storyRuth Bader Ginsburg Corrects “No Ho” Limerick Decision
BILLINGSGATE POST: After receiving a blistering call from Associate Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who wrote the majority ruling referred to below, the editors of the BILLINGSGATE POST stand corrected. In the original limerick published e...
Read full storyAttenborough TV Extinction Alert
Naturalists are warning that, unless society changes its ways, Sir David Attenborough could become extinct on our TV screens within a year. The alert was sounded after scientists based in Antarctica monitored rapidly diminishing levels of the reve...
Read full storyArise Saint Stacey of England
The new patron saint of England has been announced as Stacey. Since leaving the EU, English MPs have demanded a figure less associated with European links than St George, the traditional standard-bearer of all things English. Negotiations have b...
Read full storyMan spending third day on Haiku
Infamous ladies man, Brian Asshat, has entered his third day of writing a Haiku. 'Usually, writing holds no problem for me,' said Brian, who, when he isn't throwing shoes at people, can be found on the internet, correcting the spelling and grammar...
Read full storyNo one is teaching Pythagorus's Theorum
It would appear that while many parents have been homeschooling their children during the Coronovirus lockdown, no-one is teaching Pythagoras' Theorem. So, in order to right this small, but not insignificant, oversight, here it is: In a right-a...
Read full storyHot Chocolate Drink Was Cold
A man whose wife made him a mug of hot drinking chocolate before bedtime tonight, didn't drink it immediately, got involved in some other activities, and ended up having to quoff the lot sharpish, before it was so cold that it would have given him wi...
Read full storyDentist Offering door to door service
Dentist and sociopath, Neville Longbottom III, is offering a door-to-door dentistry service to the citizens in the Fritz area. From Chutney on the Fritz to Mithering on the Trent, a short 12 miles away, people are offered crowns, fillings, and poi...
Read full storyMan Surrenders Laptop to Cat
Gary Johnson, a 46-year-old man about town, has recently taken delivery of a new laptop, after losing his previous one to his cat, Tiddles. Suffering during self-isolation with wife Lorraine and son Thomas, Gary was sick of finding cat hairs all o...
Read full storyTeacher has run out of red pens
Year 3 schoolteacher, Deirdre Brassingthwaite, from Mithering on the Trent, has revealed that she is facing the nightmare of all teachers: she has used her last red pen. Although now in self-isolation, and able to use any colour ink she chooses, o...
Read full storyLong-forgotten Goat-Boy still not remembered
Failed Superhero, Goat-Boy is still not being remembered, even during lock-down. The 19-year-old Super-Hero, who was bitten and then kicked by a radioactive goat before saving the city of Gothaming on the Mantelpiece from his childhood nemesis, Ad...
Read full storyMusician Shocked to learn that there are more than three chords
Recent purchaser of three ukuleles, Gary Johnson, has been shocked to learn that there are more than three chords. 'It looked like such an easy, fun thing to do,' said the 46-year-old. 'I thought if I bought three, then that would be one for me, o...
Read full storyLarry is Number Ten's New Top Cat
CONCERNS over a power vacuum at the heart of the British government were allayed yesterday, when stricken Prime Minister Boris Johnson announced that his next most trusted aide, Larry the cat would take over. Downing Street resident Larry, who has...
Read full storyNashville Woman Encouraged to Learn Obesity Alone Does Not Appear to Increase Risk for COVID-19 Mortality
Given that almost all of those who die from COVID-19 have at least one comorbidity factor like hypertension or diabetes, self-describedly “curvy” Meghan Cantwell of Nashville, Tennessee, was extremely encouraged to learn that some research suggests t...
Read full storyMan Dealing With Self-Isolation Fairly Well
A man who has voluntarily imposed self-isolatory restrictions upon himself, despite the fact that there is absolutely nothing wrong with him, has said that he is "bearing up", and dealing with the situation "fairly well". Myke Woodson, 56, was so...
Read full storyBlack Magic Was At Work In Man's Bathroom
A man has revealed how he has obviously upset someone in his neighborhood sufficiently, to prompt them to 'take up arms' against him in the form of ancient Black Magic. The man, Moys Kenwood, 56, went into his bathroom, last night, to have a showe...
Read full storyArkansas Grocery Stores are Limiting Customers to Only 2 Bottles of Beer Per Person
LITTLE ROCK – The governor of Arkansas, Asa Hutchinson, has just issued a proclamation proclaiming that all adult residents of the state will now only be allowed to purchase two beers per day. He said that he hated to put that sanction in, knowing...
Read full storyPresident Trump Agrees To Stop Calling COVID-19 The Chinese Flu, The Wuhan Flu, and The Chinese Curse
WASHINGTON, D.C. – After speaking on the phone with the Chinese leader Xi Jinping for 17 minutes, President Trump has said that he will no longer refer to the Coronavirus as the Chinese Flu, the Wuhan Flu, or The Chinese Curse. Xi Jinping told the...
Read full storyA Homeless Man Finds Jeffrey Epstein’s Diary In a Dumpster
MANHATTAN – An officer with the NYPD has just made a discovery that will certainly have a huge effect on a lot of highly influential men. Officer Daphne Andruzzi said that a homeless man showed her a diary that he found in a dumpster. Upon ins...
Read full storyBollywood Actress Aishwarya Rai To Host A Coronavirus Telethon/Auction in Mumbai
MUMBAI, India – One of Bollywood’s most beautiful women, Aishwarya Rai, has just said that she will be hosting a telethon/auction to help raise money for the Coronavirus pandemic. Aishwarya, who was Miss World of 1994, informed the Mumbai media th...
Read full storyLady Gaga Discloses That She Is Changing Her Name
NEW YORK CITY - The popular female singer known as Lady Gaga has just informed the music world that she has decided to change her professional name. Lady Gaga, whose real name is Joanne Angelina Germanotta, said that she now realizes that the name...
Read full storySteamroller Driven Over Man's Foot
It could have ended much, much worse than it eventually did for one fortunate man on Wednesday afternoon, when he inadvertently became involved in an incident with a steamroller, which ran over his foot. The road-rolling vehicle was being driven b...
Read full storyThe Last Of The Limericks - Sayonara
BILLINGSGATE POST: Regretfully, unless these limericks receive better placement in The Spoof, they will be last Lewinsky/Kaczynski limericks of the series. Writers of limericks have never been given their due. Even the Bard of Avon was dismissed as...
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