Arise Saint Stacey of England

Written by Gerry Hatrick

Wednesday, 8 April 2020

image for Arise Saint Stacey of England
CALL UP: Stacey will be England's new saint

The new patron saint of England has been announced as Stacey.
Since leaving the EU, English MPs have demanded a figure less associated with European links than St George, the traditional standard-bearer of all things English.

Negotiations have been held in secret over the past two months to decide what name people would most link with Englishness. After rejecting a long list of suggestions including Kevin, Brian and Bob, the final candidate was decided by poll on Wednesday.

Campaign leader, Polly Dark MP said: "George was not just a saint that many other European countries also revered, but a figure that had become out-of-step with the principles of a modern British society. It was time to get rid of this aggressive, sword-wielding, dragon-slaying, dominant male patriach and bring in a softer, more sympathic figure."

Instead of a knight with sword and shield braced for action, St Stacey would be depicted as a young mum pushing a pushchair with phone and lipstick at the ready.

The first St Stacey day will replace St George's day this coming April 23rd, but English people will not commemorate the day.

Ms Dark added: "We didn't want to change everything, so the tradition of doing nothing on our national day will remain the same."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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