Arkansas Grocery Stores are Limiting Customers to Only 2 Bottles of Beer Per Person

Written by Fannin Fabriano

Wednesday, 8 April 2020

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Most Arkansas residents are fit to be tied over the new "Two Beers Per Day" policy.

LITTLE ROCK – The governor of Arkansas, Asa Hutchinson, has just issued a proclamation proclaiming that all adult residents of the state will now only be allowed to purchase two beers per day.

He said that he hated to put that sanction in, knowing that most of the state’s adults really and truly need to drink beer on a daily basis.

One Fayetteville resident, Tinker “The Guzzler” Sidestrickler, 42, remarked that he is used to drinking at least 12 beers a day.

He confessed that he is afraid of what only being allowed to drink two beers per day will do to his already somewhat semi-flawed personality.

He added that his wife Jolene Jo, 19, is already making plans to move in with her mama, Jo Gina Pluckity, in Hot Springs, a good 186 miles away.

Jolene Jo reportedly told a neighbor that she is afraid that, if Tinker is only limited to two beers a day, he will go bat shit crazy and maybe rob a liquor store, or even worse, hijack a Budweiser truck.

The governor did say that he will have state-sanctioned therapists who are experts on beer drinking available 24/7 at Happy Hank’s Bar & Grill.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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