Snitches Dying At A Higher Rate From COVID-19 Than Any Other Demographic

Written by mikewadestr

Wednesday, 8 April 2020

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COVID-19, also, known as the coronavirus, is killing a disproportionate number of snitches than the rest of society, in the US data of COVID-19 demographic deaths. The snitch population density, which composes 20 percent of US society, has now accounted for 55 percent of COVID-19 deaths.

All health care professionals are baffled over the snitch cases, as age and underlying medical problems apparently have no bearing on the snitches’ deaths. From hospital data, all the fatally inflicted snitches were of perfect health and between the ages of 20 and 40 years old.

"This is really disconcerting," proclaimed Dr. Tomb, a COVID-19 expert. "Snitches are a vital part to the well-being of our society. Without snitches, we would never have found out who put the roll of toilet paper in the holder backwards. If it weren’t for snitches, how would we have found out about J. Edgar Hoover’s penchant for wearing women’s underwear which furthered the gay agenda? If it weren’t for snitches, how would we ever have found out about Julius and Ethel Rosenberg, who were spies on the I Love Lucy Show?"

On the other hand, Faux news reporter, Jerry Noble, countered that snitches were a detriment to society.

"Whitey Bulger snitched on the Drysdale boys, in 1979, for stealing lollipops from Jenny Sweet’s convenience store," he started. "Had Whitey not snitched on them, these two hooligans would have made an incendiary device capable of killing a hundred lousy liberal news anchors, which is okay in my book."

As of press time, medical personnel revealed that every snitch who had succumbed to COVID-19 had a bullet hole in their head.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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