Dentist and sociopath, Neville Longbottom III, is offering a door-to-door dentistry service to the citizens in the Fritz area.
From Chutney on the Fritz to Mithering on the Trent, a short 12 miles away, people are offered crowns, fillings, and pointless conversations that they can't answer.
Longbottom, young enough to be named after a character in Harry Potter, has recently been released from prison for GBH, where he learnt his trade in the dental arts.
'Of course,' he growled, 'if you would prefer it, I could just knock all of your teeth out with a hammer. I wouldn't recommend it really, though. It would hurt, a lot.'