There were 379 spoof news stories published in April 2013. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
"You Talk Too Much," Babies Tell Parents
The trouble began when a scientific study was released suggesting that it's very educational for babies to have their parents talk to them a lot. Too many parents have taken the advice to heart, constantly yakking away at their babies and giving...
Read full storyAlexander Graham Bell Recording Shocks at the Smithsonian
Researchers at the Smithsonian Institute revealed a startling find this week. After a long struggle, they had finally cracked the code and now had the ability to access an 1885 message left on a wax disc by Alexander Graham Bell, inventor of the tele...
Read full storyKansas Tiger Found in Circus Restroom: First Interview
A Spoof reporter skilled in tiger talk dug up the story behind the story. The tiger has no idea why everyone was so excited. "Good grief, I just went in to take care of business; isn't that what everyone goes to the restroom for?" the tiger...
Read full storyTwo North Korean Pole Dancers Admit They Were Planning on Kidnapping Kim Jong Un
NEW YORK CITY - The American Spotlight News Agency is reporting that a plot to kidnap North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has been foiled. The New York City based news agency stated that one of its North Korean correspondents identified as Foo "Timmy"...
Read full storyKentucky Bans Britney Spears Upskirt Photos
FRANKFORT, Kentucky - The Kentucky State Senate has just voted on a bill that has been hailed as one of the greatest bills to ever be approved in the history of the state. State Senator Audrey Fayella Prissprinti, 49, [R-Paducah], stated that it i...
Read full storyLaker Fans Upset With Coach Mike D'Antoni's Remark
LOS ANGELES - Lakers Coach Mike D'Antoni shook his head after seeing Steve Nash get hurt and wondered what in the world is going on with his team. He stated that he does not recall ever seeing so many players hurt at one time. D'Antoni said that M...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Sells His Wyoming Ranch
LOS ANGELES - Justin Bieber is concerned that he may be having to shell out some big bucks due to a couple of lawsuits that have been filed against him. One lawsuit contends that Bieber spat on his neighbor because he complained that Bieber's thre...
Read full storyHitler: I hope Bieber would have been a fan
Following news of teen-sensation Justin Bieber's comments in the Anne Frank museum guestbook, a Bavarian spirit guide has managed to find Bieber a fan from the afterlife - Adolf Hitler. The medium, Hans Gruber, says that the message from the forme...
Read full storyKate Middleton's Upskirt Photo Sells For $800,000
LIVERPOOL - Prince William and his gorgeously attractive wife Kate Middleton traveled to Liverpool to pay a visit to the infamous Cavern Club where the Beatles first performed back in the early 60s. Reports are that Kate and William had been wanti...
Read full storyOhio Implements A Mug Shot Law
COLUMBUS, Ohio - The state of Ohio has just passed a new law regarding criminal mug shots. State Senator Alyssa Wordwiggle, 43, [D-Cincinnati] spearheaded the law referred to as The Senator Alyssa Wordwiggle Smiling Mug Shot Law, after she was app...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Says He Will Not Cancel His Upcoming Concert in Pyongyang, North Korea
SAN FRANCISCO - Justin Bieber was in San Francisco visiting the old Alcatraz Prison. He told reporters that ever since he was 11 he has wanted to visit the prison which once housed such notorious felons as Al Capone, George "Machine Gun" Kelly, A...
Read full storyKim Jong-Un to Star on Celebrity Apprentice
Hollywood -- North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un has signed up for a starring role on next season's Celebrity Apprentice series. Slated to lead a team of contestants that will include Gary Busey and Dennis Rodman, Kim Jong-Un says his nation's devel...
Read full storyFidel Castro Gives Jay-Z 400 Cuban Cigars and Beyonce 200 Pounds of Sugar
HAVANA, Cuba - A lot of U.S. politicians are not happy with the trip that Beyonce and her hip hop husband Jay-Z took to Cuba. They noted that former Cuban president Fidel Castro is still considered to be one of the most hated leaders of the entire...
Read full storyThe Nuclear-Powered Submarine The USS Great White Shark Is 2 Miles Off The North Korean Coast
SEA OF JAPAN - The world's most powerful nuclear submarines, The USS Great White Shark is so sophisticatedly advanced that its electronic guidance system has the capability of seeing a freckle on North Korean leader Kim Jong Un's Adam's apple. Rep...
Read full storyJustin Bieber and His Never-Ending Troubles
STOCKHOLM, Sweden - It appears that trouble is going to follow Justin Bieber no matter where he goes, even on a concert tour to Stockholm, Sweden. The Biebster, as American Idol's Randy "The Dawg" Jackson calls him, recently performed in Stockholm...
Read full storyGun debate leads to a rise in suicides
Washington, DC -- As the gun control debate enters its fifth month with no end in sight, mental health authorities are blaming the drawn out policy dispute for a rise in the nation's suicide rate. The major television ratings bureaus report a 12.2...
Read full storyA List of 10 Little Known Facts About North Korea's Kim Jong Un
Just in the past few months North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has become one of the most famous individuals in the entire world. The little man who many say resembles the Pillsbury Doughboy, the Michelin Man, and a male version of Nicki Minaj, has…
Read full storyThe Taliban Sends A Strongly Worded Email Message To Kim Jong Un
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The CIA has reported that its Electronic Logistical System (ELS) has just intercepted a personal email message that was sent from the Taliban headquarters to North Korean leader Kim Jong Un. An unnamed source stated that the mes...
Read full storyAnn Coulter Says Kim Jong Un Needs A Good Old-Fashioned Spanking
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Ann Coulter says that she does not understand why in the world Kim Jong Un keeps on running his mouth and making all of these idle threats. The Republican mouthpiece stated that a real man would have already done what the hell h...
Read full storyNASCAR Makes An Announcement Regarding North Korea
ATLANTA - NASCAR Spokesperson Percy P. Pitterhorst, 73, stated that NASCAR officials have just finished a two day meeting in the city known as The Big Peach. Pitterhorst told the sports media reporters that due to the pompous sabre-rattling that i...
Read full storyDick Cheney busted at Bush library dedication
Dallas, Texas -- Former Vice President Dick Cheney missed most of the ceremonies dedicating the George W. Bush Library here. Federal Library Enforcement Agency (FLEA) officers pulled him out of the crowd to issue over two dozen citations for overdue...
Read full storyPlayboy Playmate Brande Roderick Shocked That She Was Fired From Celebrity Apprentice
MANHATTAN - One of the biggest surprises on this season's edition of Donald Trump's Celebrity Apprentice All-Stars is the fact that Brande Roderick was fired. Most of the show's viewers were surprised to see the beautiful, svelte, 38-year-old mode...
Read full storyWhat triggered the economic crisis? Accountants add it up
New York -- After more than five years of intense investigations and calculations, a panel of 27 accountants has discovered the direct cause of the ongoing collapse of the world's economy. Its finding: A bookkeeper for a tax accounting firm head...
Read full storyPamela Anderson and Rob Pattinson Caught French Kissing Up A Storm!
SANTA MONICA - Pamela Anderson is back in the news and the former Baywatch babe is extremely happy about it. Hollywood Innuendo reporter Fajita Guacamole reported Anderson was spotted on the famed Santa Monica Pier passionately making out with Twi...
Read full storyScientist Developes Turd Steaks, Truth stranger than spoof?
A Japanese scientist has developed the worlds first food group made from human excrement. Mitsuyuki Ikeda, a researcher from the Okayama Laboratory, found that sewage mud has a lot of protein in it, beef has a lot of protein in it so why not comb...
Read full storyProfessional Poker Player Wins $9 Million But Gets Disqualifed
RENO, Nevada - The 21st Annual Reno Professional Poker Tournament saw newcomer Kipp "Chips" Hickenbolt, 29, win the main prize of $9 million. Hickenbolt, who hails from Little Rock, Arkansas, said that the last time he was this happy was back in h...
Read full storyFaith Hill Erupts At The Touchy-Feely Antics of Hubby Tim McGraw and Taylor Swift
NEW ORLEANS - Tim McGraw and Taylor Swift performed together at a concert in the Big Easy's Voodoo Arena. The crowd went wild when the duo launched into their duet titled "Highways Don't Lie - But Back Streets Sure A Shootin' Do." Many in the a...
Read full storyKim Kardashian's Pregnancy Woes!
LOS ANGELES - Kim Kardashian is reportedly very upset at the fact that she has gone from weighing 119 to 219, a weight gain of 100 pounds. Kim, who is 32, and stands 5-foot-2-inches tall has told her sister Khloe that her baby daddy Kanye West sai...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Asks If She Can Do Some of Her Rehab At Coachella
INDIO, California - Rehab-bound Lindsay Lohan has shown that she is anything but shy as she has made an astounding request of the Los Angeles County Courthouse authorities. Lohan, who is due to begin her rehab process on May 2, at The Henry &...
Read full storyThe Wyoming Big Foot Footprints Explained
GREEN RIVER, Wyoming - Game wardens in the state of Wyoming have explained the recent rash of giant size 18 footprints that campers have been coming across. Buster "Bubba" Custardweiser, 58, who is a senior game warden at Yellowstone National Park...
Read full storyMayo Clinic Poll: Thirty-seven percent of Americans have Shit for Brains!
A new poll released by Mayo Clinic this morning reveals that thirty-seven percent of the adult US population has Shit for Brains! In an unprecedented move Fox News and MSNBC News are claiming that the poll is biased, provocative, and blasphemous. The...
Read full storyRyan Seacrest Dating Selena Gomez
HOLLYWOOD - In what has to be one of the more surprising relationships out of Tinsel Town, the word is that American Idol host Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest is dating Selena Gomez, the ex-girlfriend of Justin "Oops" Bieber. The 38-year-old Seacrest has...
Read full storyMetta World Peace Wants Kobe Bryant To Tweet - Kobe Says No Way Bro
SAN ANTONIO - Even if most of the sports writers, reporters, and announcers have said that they think Kobe "The Black Mamba" should stop tweeting during the playoffs, one Laker teammate has insisted that he keep it up. Metta World Peace, the angry...
Read full storyElderly Woman Dies of Natural Causes - Hundreds Celebrate
There was jubilation in the streets of Britain as an elderly woman, who had been ill for some time, passed away earlier this week. The elderly woman had once been a person of some importance but that had not been the case for nearly a quarter of a...
Read full storySpanish vibrator bombs a huge anticlimax
Pamplona, Spain - The latest terror must-haves are a bit of a damp squib a Spanish anarchy group admitted today after a number of explosive vibrators failed the 'earth moved' test. Half a dozen home-made weed killer devices powered by pay-as-you-b...
Read full storyHaggis Arrested Following Robbery
Coppers have rounded up a runaway gang of vagrant haggis bank robbers in the highlands. The haggis, of which there were eighteen, were found running around in circles in a swamp on Glen Regis with a sack full of Swiss bank notes and a barrel of b...
Read full storyNude Britney Spears Bobblehead Dolls Are Being Recalled
CHICAGO - In what is being billed as one of the biggest retail mistakes in the history of the retailing business, millions of Britney Spears Bobblehead Dolls are being recalled. Three of the nation's largest retail stores, the Dilly Dally Retail S...
Read full storyJoan Rivers Launches Verbal Jabs At Adele
MANHATTAN - Joan Rivers, the undisputed Queen of Mean has shown exactly why her and Omarosa are considered by many to be The Terrible Twins of Television. Ling Chow Rangoon with iRumors reported that Rivers, who is 79 going on 12, is still the bit...
Read full storyGerman comics union claim damages from the UK
The German Comedians Union are to bring a case before the European Union claiming defamation by generations of British comedians. In the case they state that for years the British said that their comedy was far superior to German comedy and that Germ...
Read full storyElderly man found living as dog with pack of hounds!
The Franklin Times newspaper in rural North Carolina is reporting today that an elderly man has been found living in the woods near Louisburg, NC with a pack of dogs and is living as part of the pack. Apparently the man is healthy and relatives stat...
Read full storyPolitical Facebook: Kim Jong Un, Dennis Rodman, and Sarah Palin
POLITICAL FACEBOOK Kim Jong Un: Hello Dennis are you there? 8:13 a.m. Dennis Rodman: Right here Kimmy. What's up dude? 8:16 a.m. Kim Jong Un: Oh nothing much. I was just having a bowl of rice pudding and reading the latest issue of Sports Balls Illustrated Daily. 8:19 a.m. Dennis Rodman: Say bro, I sure have been hearing a lot of bad stuff about you lately. 8:21 a.m. Kim Jong Un...
Read full storySatan wins the war of Facebook
Satan has chalked one up in his eternal battle with God when it was revealed that his Facebook page has more subscribers than God's. "I quietly pleased," Satan admitted. "When I last looked I had twice the number of followers on Facebook, than God...
Read full storyCyprus Banks Take Back Toasters, Ruin Breakfast
Nicosia, Cyprus - The shiny toasters that bank customers received for opening new accounts are being confiscated by the financial institutions that gifted them. Objective: to help ease this country's multibillion euro debt crisis. "No, this is not...
Read full storyActor Steve Buscemi Tells Oprah Winfrey He Has Too Many Teeth
During an emotional television interview, actor Steve Buscemi acknowledged that he's known for years that he has too many teeth. "I'm tired of lying about it and decided to admit it--I have way too many teeth," the 55-year-old Buscemi told Oprah...
Read full storyMontana Approves A Roadkill Bill
HELENA, Montana - The Montana State Senate acting at the request of thousands of its citizens has enacted a new roadkill bill. The bill, which was spearheaded by Senator Wendell T. Tibbinsky [R-Missoula] states that citizens of Montana will now be...
Read full storyThe Ultimate Modern Humor Article
Researchers at various humor think tanks and humor websites have been exhaustingly searching for clues on how to adapt comic articles to our modern times. With the increased dumbing down of the intellect imposed on the public by our schools, magazine...
Read full storyCharles Barkley Blames The Laker Woes On The Curse of Shaquille
LOS ANGELES - Charles Barkley has said that the current Laker woes are a direct result of The Curse of Shaquille. "Fat Bro" Barkley, as Vice-President Joe Biden calls him, said that Shaquille O'Neal stated back in 2004, when the Lakers traded him...
Read full storyJoan Rivers Lashes Out At Taylor Swift
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Joan Rivers, who is known as the Queen of Mean, performed a 20 minute stand up routine at West Hollywood's famed Laughing Beaver Comedy Club. And the 79-year-old Yiddish Yapper managed to attack her usual targets; Adele, Chelsea H...
Read full storyKorean tyrant buys world domination plan from US defense firm
Pyongyang, North Korea -- Spring is the season when a young man's fancy turns toward world domination. And so it goes with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un, who recently purchased a blueprint to take over the world from an unnamed US defense contrac...
Read full storyNew strains of fungal nail disease 'named after moldy Dutch royals'
Amsterdam - The naming of a new strains of bright orange spores responsible for Onychomycosis aurantiaco fungal nail disease after members of the Dutch House of Orange-Nassau in an unusual honor, Koninklijk Paleis Amsterdam sources said today. Dis...
Read full storyRomanian vagrants accused of defecating on prized London azalea beds
London - "Bloody EU scroungers are sh+++ing all over my ericaceous cultivars," Bryanston Square baronet Major Sir Reginald Pratts-Bottom complained bitterly this morning as news of the outrage went viral; "God knows that sort of dung heap London will...
Read full storyQueensland rejects common-as-muck Queen Kate
Brisbane - Australia's second-largest and third-most populous state has put its foot down about the Douchesse of Cambridge becoming queen after extensive DNA testing showed Kate Middleton is Cherie Blair's squalid brat. The sovereign state of Quee...
Read full storyLiterary World Stunned By Claims That Thousands Of English Words Have Gone Missing
The world of literature has been stunned by allegations that massive numbers of words have simply gone missing from the English language. 'In the 1960s we believe there to have been at least one million English words,' said a spokesman for the Queen's English Society. 'Dictionaries that are currently available, however, list just a few hundred. It would appear that words may have been systemati...
Read full storyBritish drones in Afghan poppy destruction ops
Afghanistan - Remote controlled British drones armed with genetically modified aphids are being deployed for the first time over the Tora Bora in operations targeting Afghani opium production. Billions of GM bugs capable of munching their own body...
Read full storyDating App Allows Users to Skip the Talking
Well-known mobile dating application Tinder has slowly begun to loose its users interest. Considered a progressive way to "break the ice", the app quickly sparked interest amongst fourteen to forty-seven year olds, and had 35,000,000 pictures rated...
Read full storyGeorge Bush Senior fears release of Thatcher sex tapes
Texas - The eldest of Hitler's Pope Pius XII's illegitimate brats Bush Senior had a decades long fling with Margaret Thatcher who has died in London aged 87. The Cold War throwback pair even produced a son whose IRA antics shocked the nation befor...
Read full storyThe Bank of Rupt taking over the banking industry
Tokyo - Minister of Finance, Kurtaklinger San, has announced a new bank will be in control of all Japanese banks. This new bank will also be taking over the other nations banks in quick succession. According to Kurtaklinger San spokesperson, Ningaw...
Read full storyMan furious at Facebook friends who didn't wish him happy birthday
LOS ANGELES, CA--The day after Zach Rowland's 29th birthday proved a source of anxiety rather than joy, as the video editor reportedly spent his day fuming at his 241 Facebook friends that didn't extend him birthday wishes on his timeline. "What,...
Read full storyTaylor Swift Is Desperately Looking For A New Boyfriend For Future Songs
NASHVILLE - A member of Taylor Swift's band who did not want his name mentioned informed Tittle Tattle Tonight that Taylor is searching for a new boyfriend. The unnamed band member said that the 23-year-old singer is worried that she may not have...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars Derek Hough Says There's Nothing Between Him and Kellie Pickler But Dancing
LOS ANGELES - Each year Dancing With The Stars has a couple who are rumored to be doing more than just the cha cha cha, the samba, or the quick step. And this year's spotlighted couple is the dancing team of Derek "The Dancing Dude" Hough and Kell...
Read full storyDisabled mall cops back to work thanks to mobility scooters
Disabled mall cops will not be unemployed thanks to Pride Mobility's new range of police specification mobility scooters. The range includes light, medium and heavy duty scooters fitted with police equipment such as full emergency LED light packages...
Read full storyA 7-Year-Old Milwaukee Girl Makes An Amazing Half Court Shot
MILWAUKEE - Little 7-year-old Pamela "Tweety" Brickleheimer had no idea when her grandfather Gunther Brickleheimer took her to the Milwaukee Bucks - Charlotte Bobcats game that she was going to go home with a lot of money and notoriety. Little Twe...
Read full storyMadonna Turns Down A Role In A Porn Movie
NEW YORK CITY - Madonna has lately been complaining that hardly anyone calls her anymore in regards to recording a song, appearing in a movie, or appearing on a late night talk show. So it was astounding when a Hollywood producer recently contacte...
Read full storyFiona Shaw planned out affair with Dakota Fanning
Dakota Fanning has added her name to an ever-increasing list of women who have come forward or been called out for reportedly having affairs with old Fiona Shaw, bringing the tally to at least nine. Tabloids over the weekend named teen star Selena...
Read full storyKim Jog-On: "Who's Raffing Now?"
Political tension and intrigue was at an all time high today as the world prepared itself, again, to be invaded by North Korea. London, Washington, Moscow and Beijing were put on DEFCON 5 meaning that a nuclear air strike was imminent at any moment.
Read full storyAstronaut Deeply Regrets Eating Chipotle Before Take-Off
KENNEDY SPACE CENTER, FL - Inspired by Red Bull's Stratos project in which Austrian skydiver Felix Baumgartner was sent to jump from earths' stratosphere, Chipotle Mexican Grill has decided that they too want participate in galactic marketing. A...
Read full storyCross dressers' hotel saved from closure by The Hotel Inspector
Spangles Hotel in Blackpool has been saved from closure by Channel 5's The Hotel Inspector, when only five people visited in the first year of operation. "We thought that there was a market for a cross dressing friendly hotel," said proprietor, an...
Read full storyPope Francis - Pesto worse than paedophilia
Chaos reigned on Vatican City last night after The Pope used a televised interview in which he was supposed to be confronting the Catholic Church sex abuse scandal to passionately condemn pesto. When asked how he intended to rebuild The Church an...
Read full storyRust in Peace - the Iron Lady, Margaret Thatcher, dies aged 87
Britain is set to have a fourth celebration. No sooner has the bunting been put away from the Royal Wedding, and then the Queen's Jubilee before the most successful British Olympics ever, news is emerging that Margaret Thatcher has died. "Thank fu...
Read full storyFrankie Howerd on Margaret Thatcher
Well. Here we are. Here we, ooh, no. Ooh. Ah. Ooh, I don't know where to put meself. Don't know which way to turn tonight. Yes, Missus, you've been there, haven't you? Hmm? You've felt my predicament. Look, now don't start. Shut your mouth. Oh, the riff raff we get in here. But ooh. Ah. No. Don't. Hasn't it been a hard winter? It's been a hard winter. And it's not over yet, I can tell you. Ooh,...
Read full storyNew Internet Service To Revolutionize Computer World
Albert Heldstrom of East Rutherford, New Jersey, has turned the cyber world upside down with the formation of a new company that he is operating out of a recently closed North Korean restaurant in a run down mall in Newark, New Jersey. Heldstrom w...
Read full storyThe Four Whorsemen Of The Apocalypse Will Pull Thatcher Funeral Gun Carriage
London - (Mayan Calendar Mess): Illuminati protocols insist the cortege must head a Revelations 6:18 kinda cakewalk down The Strand from Some Clement Dames Church all the way down to St Paul's. Cryogenically vacuum-sealed inside a devils claw wood...
Read full storyNina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder Seen Canoodling Under The Moon In Cabo San Lucas, Mexico
CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - One of the happiest couples in Tinsel Town recently jetted down to sunny old Mexico for some well-earned fun in the sun. The stars of The Vampire Diaries Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder were spied down at The Whole Enchila...
Read full storyRihanna Buys An Infamous Nudist Resort
PETALUMA, California - Singer Rihanna, who is not shy when it comes to showing skin, has just announced that she has made an interesting purchase. The Caribbean beauty has just bought The Naked As A Jaybird Nudist Resort in Petaluma. The nudist...
Read full storyPunch up on Everest causes avalanche!
European climbers on Mount Everest had a punch up with their sherpas after a stubborn donkey refused to go any higher without an oxygen mask! The climbers, one a Swiss and the other Italian, offered the donkey some Toblerone, but it refused becaus...
Read full storyCulture of entitlement, eh? Archbishop of Canterbury 'sitting pretty on offshore tax haven nest egg'
Bahamas - Newly enthroned Archbishop Justin Welby is planning a rather splendid retirement in the Turks & Caicos Islands in ten years time as a hush-hush pension pot from former French big oil employers Elf Aquitaine continues to swell unabated.
Read full storyLetters To The Editor About Margaret Thatcher
Sir, in view of the fact that Margaret Thatcher is to get a memorial inspired by the American memorial to Ronald Reagan, should she not be called the "Gridiron Lady"? Arthur Braincell BSc (failed) Lunt Sir, Her Highness Lady Baroness Thatcher was the ultimate role model for all civilised white women. She truly showed that with the application of hard work, brains, sado-masochism, vo...
Read full storyOprah Winfrey Says You Couldn't Pay Her To See Quentin Tarantino's Django Unchained
CHICAGO - Oprah Winfrey said that just from what she has heard and read about Quentin Tarantino's movie Django Unchained made her want to call him up and give him a piece of her amazingly filthy rich mind. The former talk show queen told Taffeta K...
Read full storyRay 'Alien Autopsy' Santilli to conduct Mrs Thatcher postmortem
London - The veteran alien pathologist has only just completed Russian mobster Boris Berezovsky's autopsy and will lead a NCIS-style morgue team probing the dead despot's remains according to Our-Man-At-The-Cold-Marble-Slab in Barking, Isle of Dogs.
Read full storyOliver Cromwell's head discovered
London, England. In news slowly but surely emerging over time, Professor Derek Spindlywood, of the science faculty of Dagenham University, has discovered the last resting place of Oliver Cromwell's head. The only republican leader of Britain, Cromwel...
Read full storyGrandfather's progressive views on homosexuality overshadowed by calling it "the gay"
New Martinsville, WV--Attendants at the Deutmeyer family dinner reported mixed emotions Thursday night, as the progressive stance on homosexuality of Martin Deutmeyer, 84, was marred by family patriarch referring to homosexuality as "the gay", "the q...
Read full storyBush family compound evacuated as David Koresh channels Waco 2
Texas - Predator Chapel Ranch has been evacuated after noxious down winds from the nearby Waco fertilizer plant fire swept over Dubya's prized ornamental lake, poisoning a colony of freshwater largemouth bass [Micropterus Salmoides Bushwackawacka] ne...
Read full storySweetcorn reclassified as a packaging material
Many nutritionists have known that the day would come when sweetcorn was eventually removed from the Official Food List. "It has the nutritional value of a plastic carrier bag," said Gillian McKeef, nutritionist to the stars. "I'd rather eat rabbi...
Read full storyThe Gynecologist and The Slot Machine
MILWAUKEE - A Wisconsin gynecologist named Dr. Ashburn B. Bixbocker has found a novel way to increase his sagging number of patients. The Milwaukee doctor consulted a consulting firm and he was told to install a slot machine in his waiting room.
Read full storyInside the FBI's terrorism cryptology unit
QM-NewsCorpse reporters have been given unprecedented access to the Bureau's legendary decoding unit that uses numerological, linguistic and symbological tricks to piece together terror suspects' agendas. Here is a brief glance at its anagram division's profile of key players involved in the Boston Marathon bombings: Chief suspects: Tamerlan Tsarnaev anagrams to Relevant Satan Arm - a r...
Read full storyRussell Brand Explains The Erotic Mail He Sent To Selena Gomez
SANTA MONICA - Russell Brand has made no bones about the fact that he still misses his ex-girlfriend Kate Gosselin. Brand recently sat down with Tapioca Swizzle of Tittle Tattle Tonight and had a very revealing interview. Rusty, as Kate called...
Read full storyWeiner comes back with a 'Fun City' revival plan
New York -- Distinguished former Congressman Anthony Weiner is testing the waters for a run for mayor, releasing a multi-level plan that would return this metropolis to its Fun City roots. For openers, the proposal would bring back the grit and gr...
Read full storyFrom rags to stitches
Rupert was a man from the back streets of Kensington. He lived out of a modest five bedroom apartment and survived on a mere £200,000 per year. Unfortunately for Rupert his world soon became shattered and broken and he could no longer afford a nanny to look after Francesca and Tarquin so he decided to feed the nanny to his 500ft long tarantula's. The tarantula's were highly maintained and demanded...
Read full storyUSS Harry S Truman fires up engines ahead of N Korea deployment
Asia-Pacific - Launched in 1998 by the 33rd US President's daughter Margaret when North Korean nutjob Kim Jong-un was still a mere festering pimple on his father Kim Jong Very-Ill-Indeed's backside the Nimitz-class supercarrier is Guam bound ahead o...
Read full storyFrance's Head Rabbi Says Rabbi Jesus is a Plagiarism of this Greek Myth
Today France's Grand Rabbi Gilles Bernheim resigned because he was caught plagiarizing other authors in his book "Forty Jewish Meditations' and adding ficticious plaudits to his CV. His first comment was "I hope that this doesn't hinder Anthony Weine...
Read full storyTom Cruise descended from leprechauns
Shergar, County Louse - The Hollywood actor's roots have been traced to degenerate fairy folk according to Irish gynecology - er... genealogy! - specialists at a Dublin PR ceremony this morning. "It's where you get your legendary stature from," an...
Read full storyNRA controlled US House of Representatives introduces BYGO (Blow Your Guts Out) legislation to combine with Stand Your Ground Gun laws.
The NRA dominated US House of Representatives introduced legislation today combining a new law titled BYGO (Blow Your guts out) with the existing Stand Your Ground gun laws. Wayne LaPierre, Chairman of the NRA explained the law at an early morning...
Read full storyNASCAR'S Danica Patrick's Divorce Is Finally Final - Charlie Sheen and Russell Brand Both Say "Yummy!"
MARICOPA COUNTY, Arizona - NASCAR racer Danica Patrick's seven year marriage to Dr. Paul Hospenthal has finally been finalized. The 31-year-old Patrick told Rufus Reno with Sports Balls Illustrated Daily that she felt relieved and was feeling as h...
Read full storyCuriosity on Mars: Life's a Beach Ball
Your tax dollars are hard-at work. Up there on Mars, the manly god of war planet, in the red clay of the surface, our cheeky little rover is having a grand old time. Without a men's room in the vicinity, the rover has had nowhere to peddle...
Read full storyChelsea Handler Denies The Existence of A Tape of Her and Jesse James
WEST HOLLYWOOD - One of the most vulgar women on television, Chelsea Handler has denied the existence of a sex tape in which she is the female participant and Jesse James is the male participant. The 38-year-old talk show host told Bedroom Pillow...
Read full storyA Very Angry Laker's Coach Mike D'Antoni Tells Kobe To Stop With His Damn Tweeting
SAN ANTONIO - The San Antonio Spurs handed the Los Angeles Lakers a 91-79 defeat in game one of their best of seven Western Conference playoffs series. An unidentified AT&T locker room attendant stated to Sporting Chance Magazine that Coach D'...
Read full storyAliens Land in New York City
New York City mayor Ed Koch announced Thursday that the city will be hosting a race of space aliens that have landed in New York City's Central Park. Koch returned from the dead as a zombie when the aliens discarded green toilet water in the grav...
Read full storyStephen Hawking Has Been Walking for Years, We Just Can't See It
An inside source has revealed that Stephen Hawking, the world renowned theoretical physicist who is confined to a wheelchair, has been "walking for several years now" and claims that the world is just too close-minded to observe it. The sourc...
Read full storyBush II Library re-ignites long running argument.
DALLAS TX- The grand opening of the George W. Bush presidential library on May 1st has sparked a great deal of controversy. The opening has re-ignighted one of the great debates of our time. Who's superheroes are more badass? While the Supreme Cou...
Read full storyRob Kardashian Could Be Heading For The Iron Bars Hotel
VENICE BEACH - It appears that Rob Kardashian is starting to get more newspaper and Internet space than his famous sisters, Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney. Rob was recently arrested by Venice Beach Police after he got into a dispute with noted tattoo ar...
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