Dating App Allows Users to Skip the Talking

Funny story written by Sebscholl

Tuesday, 9 April 2013

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New App Named Screws

Well-known mobile dating application Tinder has slowly begun to loose its users interest.
Considered a progressive way to "break the ice", the app quickly sparked interest amongst fourteen to forty-seven year olds, and had 35,000,000 pictures rated by 2013. Today, while still popular and widely used, Tinder's service is becoming outdated.

"From the start, Tinder had two problems. First off, it was biased against people who couldn't take an attractive picture. And secondly, most guys can't figure out how to talk to girls", said Thomas Hatchner, president of app development company Hatch Labs, Inc. "We knew that guys wouldn't know how to talk to girls - but we weren't sure how to help them".

After reading a research paper titled Social Media's Footprint on Human Interaction, Hatchner discovered that as young people become more dependent on social media, their communication skills drastically digressed - resulting in a generation of relationships built and broken through text messages, AIM, and Snapchat. In response, his latest project, Screws, aims to remedy this.

Available later this month, Screws offers a Tinder like interface that allows users to judge whether they'd sleep with someone. The difference is that Screws offers no message screen when two people "like" each other. Instead a GPS map pinpoints the two users location and the nearest hotel. This allows people to anonymously and quickly meet with others they find physically attractive and fornicate.

"It's obvious that guys are not learning to talk to girls - we had to help them. What makes Screws so useful is that it completely eliminates any communication that would have historically taken place before foreplay, allowing people to more easily meet a partner", said Hatchner.

Additionally, to satisfy complaints claiming Tinder to be biased against people who are considered unattractive, Hatch Labs will also be releasing the application Bent Screws.

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The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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