Letters To The Editor About Margaret Thatcher

Funny story written by Erskin Quint

Wednesday, 17 April 2013

image for Letters To The Editor About Margaret Thatcher
"Mrs T" - the real brains behind Ronald Reagan's liquorice bootlace export drive


in view of the fact that Margaret Thatcher is to get a memorial inspired by the American memorial to Ronald Reagan, should she not be called the "Gridiron Lady"?

Arthur Braincell BSc (failed)


Her Highness Lady Baroness Thatcher was the ultimate role model for all civilised white women. She truly showed that with the application of hard work, brains, sado-masochism, voice-training and hairspray, a humble shopkeeper's daughter can become the most important figure in British history and the greatest icon we have ever seen, despite the stereotyped jibes of the Stalinist BBC and the Trade Union claques.

It's because of her incredible example that all women, in Britain, and around the civilised world, can aspire to marry a millionaire and raise an arms-dealing loan-shark son who is on the FBI's list of undesirables after being convicted of involvement in an African coup.

No wonder he is a multi-millionaire Knight of the Realm and his mother Honourable Majesty Dame Lady Baroness Thatcher is fully enshrined in the pantheon of the great alongside Nelson, Churchill, Lady Diana, Noele Gordon, Fanny Craddock and Barbara Cartland.

It's what puts the Great into Britain.

Dame Simon Heffer
Cape Wrath


I am not one of "Thatcher's children" as the dreadful, communist BBC would have it.

I was a fully-grown man with a waxed moustache and my own gaiters when Margaret Thatcher won her first election and embarked on her mission to save this country from the Union barons, Lunatic Left politicians and social security scroungers.

Did I like her? No. Did I love her? No. Was I obsessed by her. Guilty as charged. How I fantasised about being dominated by her. Night after night I masturbated myself to sleep to images of Mrs Thatcher thrashing my bare flesh with rolled-up copies of Horse & Hound.

Having been drummed out of my regiment on a trumped-up charge involving 'Lionel' the regimental goat (even the army was prey to the leftist menace in those days), I for one will never forget her. I could never have achieved this if Neil Kinnock had been Prime Minister.

Thank God for Margaret Thatcher.

Major P V C Follicle-Johnston


Lady Thatcher will never be forgotten in these islands. Her memory will forever light up our far-flung land, whether it be the bits where there are people, the bits where there are just penguins, or the bits where there is just rock, rough grass and wind.

Her decisive action in first trying to negotiate the handover of our islands to the Argentines, then, when that failed, taking courageous military action to oust the Argentine invaders and thus ensure our freedom and safety, and her own re-election - all this will be her everlasting legacy.

Ron Twaddle
Port Stanley


Margaret Thatcher reminded us all what politics should be about. She was a shining beacon to our nation. There was never a Margaret Thatcher like her before, and there never will be again.

Her loss is mourned by all who have lost her. "Mrs T" we called her here in our wool shop. Her sheer personality was wonderful to behold.

We will never forget what Colonel Grasper, an old military friend told us one day. "Mrs T" had joined then for lunch at their London barracks and told them how none other than President Ronald Reagan, the most powerful man in the world, had rung her up one night to ask for advice on running the US economy. "Mrs T" told him to run it like her parents' grocers shop back in Grantham.

Within 6 months of that conversation, our old friend Colonel Grasper told us, the US was the world's number one exporter of liquorice bootlaces, dandelion and burdock and paraffin. I wonder if they remembered "Mrs T" on Wall Street when they were counting their profits? I doubt it - does that "Mr T" fellow ever admit where he got the idea for his name?

Where are we to find a "Mrs T" now? In one of Mr Miliband's focus groups? I think not!

Penny Whistler

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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