There were 850 spoof news stories published in January 2012. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.

Funny story: Nina Dobrev will quit Vampire Diaries if she has to kiss Ian Somerhalder again: Wait, what?

Nina Dobrev will quit Vampire Diaries if she has to kiss Ian Somerhalder again: Wait, what?

Actress Nina Dobrev has threatened to quit the CW hit show, The Vampire Diaries, if she has to shoot another kissing scene with Ian Somerhalder. Despite all the online rumors that claim Nina and Ian are dating, Nina Dobrev set the record straight to...

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Funny story: It's Official! X-Factor's Rachel Crow and Drew Ryniewicz To Tour With Selena Gomez And Demi Lovato

It's Official! X-Factor's Rachel Crow and Drew Ryniewicz To Tour With Selena Gomez And Demi Lovato

HOLLYWOOD - A spokesperson for Selena Gomez has just announced an upcoming concert tour that will feature Gomez, Demi Lovato, and two of this year's youngest X-Factor contestants Rachel Crow, 13, and Drew Ryniewicz, 14. The 37-city tour is being p...

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Funny story: 'Reverse Bonus Checks' Drain Wall Street Bank Accounts

'Reverse Bonus Checks' Drain Wall Street Bank Accounts

New York -- The global economic crisis has finally caught up with Wall Street insiders who triggered it. They are discovering that their traditional year-end compensation is lowering the balance on their bank accounts, rather than raising it. "The...

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Funny story: Super Bowl Controversy: National Anthem Will Be Replaced with a Dodge Ad

Super Bowl Controversy: National Anthem Will Be Replaced with a Dodge Ad

Indianapolis -- Football fans watching Super Bowl XLVI can remain seated during the pregame ceremonies this year, because the singing of The Star-Spangled Banner will be preempted by a television commercial for Dodge trucks. "At $7 million a minut...

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Funny story: New Greek Threat: More Credit for Us Or No More Gyros for You

New Greek Threat: More Credit for Us Or No More Gyros for You

Athens -- Facing a debt burden that could enslave its citizens for decades to come, Greece has gone on the offensive, declaring it will halt the production of gyros worldwide if it's not given a larger line of credit. "Go ahead and laugh, but I ca...

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Funny story: Republicans Battle Over How Far To Turn Back The Clock

Republicans Battle Over How Far To Turn Back The Clock

Crossroads, South Carolina -- Despite their endless bickering, the Republican presidential candidates all agree that they would like to take the nation back to a more gentler and prosperous era. But they have very different views on what point in Am...

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Funny story: Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder Say That Taylor Swift's Hauntingly Beautiful Song "Safe And Sound" Is Their Favorite Song

Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder Say That Taylor Swift's Hauntingly Beautiful Song "Safe And Sound" Is Their Favorite Song

CANCUN, Mexico - The two stars of the hit show The Vampire Diaries Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder were recently down in Cancun, Mexico taking a much needed break from all of the hustle and bustle of LaLaLand. Dobrev and Somerhalder stayed at the...

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Funny story: All Sent Items: To Katie1988 From SteveTheMan

All Sent Items: To Katie1988 From SteveTheMan

To: Katie1988@topmail.com From: SteveTheMan@talktalc.co.uk Hi Katie - it was so nice to finally meet you! After exchanging all those emails about family trees and both being new to the whole ancestry thing it was handy to exchange ideas. I've found a few more distant relatives on my Dad's side, so my tree is beginning to fill out now. How are you getting on? Maybe we could meet up again to c...

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Funny story: President Obama Tells Vice-President Joe Biden He Has To Do More Around The White House Or He May Be Put On Probation

President Obama Tells Vice-President Joe Biden He Has To Do More Around The White House Or He May Be Put On Probation

WASHINGTON, D.C. - A highly reliable, unnamed, inside White House source has revealed that President Obama recently had a heart-to-heart meeting with Vice-President Joe Biden. According to the source, it is really no secret at the White House that...

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Funny story: Kaley Cuoco to quit Big Bang for physics

Kaley Cuoco to quit Big Bang for physics

It was the news that went off like an thermonuclear device around Hollywood. Kaley Cuoco, actress who plays Penny on the hit sitcom The Big Bang Theory has announced her intention to quit the show at the end of it's current season. It is the re...

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Funny story: China Sending Men to the Moon to Build a Lunar iPad Factory

China Sending Men to the Moon to Build a Lunar iPad Factory

Beijing -- China has revealed the purpose of its manned missions to the moon. The Chinese want to construct their next electronics assembly plant there as the first step toward using the moon as a manufacturing zone. "It's no secret that our count...

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Funny story: Bad Romance: So What's the Skinny?

Bad Romance: So What's the Skinny?

Given the assignment to write about the subject of Bad Romance, spoof reporter Gail Farrelly grabbed her trusty tape recorder and set out to collect the opinions of a number of experts in the field. A meticulous researcher, Farrelly went to the ends of the earth and beyond to get the whole scoop. Here are her findings -- expressed in direct quotes from the interviewees, who were asked: What...

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Funny story: Social Media Halted; Few Users Are Reading Contributions of Others

Social Media Halted; Few Users Are Reading Contributions of Others

The social media stoppage may not be forever; in fact, it will probably last only a few weeks. But starting next Wednesday -- for a limited time -- there will be NO social media whatsoever. Al Gore, founder of the Internet, made the announcement...

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Funny story: Leigh Van Bryan and Emily Bunting compensation could run to $$$ millions

Leigh Van Bryan and Emily Bunting compensation could run to $$$ millions

Birmingham - It's been billed as an ironic twist on John Cleese's notorious 'Sole reason for visit' response to a US visa questionnaire about 'Are You Planning To Overthrow The United States Government By Force?' And it could be a very lucrative d...

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Funny story: Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez To Record A Valentine's Day CD Based On The Songs of Led Zeppelin

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez To Record A Valentine's Day CD Based On The Songs of Led Zeppelin

TARZANA - Justin Bieber and his girlfriend Selena Gomez were enjoying Southern California' wonderfully, warm, wintertime, weather as they visited the famed Tarzan & Jane Petting Zoo. The couple who have visited the petting zoo before walked ar...

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Funny story: Miley Cyrus Reportedly Hospitalized With 'Texting Fatigue'

Miley Cyrus Reportedly Hospitalized With 'Texting Fatigue'

LOS ANGELES - The year 2011 was definitely a year of ups and downs for Miley Cyrus, the 19-year-old singer who became nationally known for her starring role on the Disney Channel's Hannah Montana. During the summer Miley had a bad planking experie...

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Funny story: Cameron Diaz Reveals The Amazing Reason Why She Had Breast Augmentation Surgery

Cameron Diaz Reveals The Amazing Reason Why She Had Breast Augmentation Surgery

HONOLULU - Cameron Diaz was sunning herself on Honolulu Beach oblivious to the crowd that had formed around her. As she looked up she suddenly noticed that she had at least a dozen admirers. Cameron who has never been shy suddenly stood up and beg...

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Funny story: Cher Fails to Prove She's Not Dead -- Burial Set for Tuesday

Cher Fails to Prove She's Not Dead -- Burial Set for Tuesday

Hollywood, California -- Former superstar Cher has fallen victim to a bogus Tweet, which announced that she had passed away last Thursday. It appears that the 65-year-old singer/actress has no way of proving that she is indeed still alive. "Cher h...

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Funny story: Demi Lovato Reveals She Has Quite a Crush On Zac Efron

Demi Lovato Reveals She Has Quite a Crush On Zac Efron

BEVERLY HILLS - Demi Lovato was recently talking to her hair stylist FuFi Fondue as she sat in his Haven of Hair Salon getting her hair trimmed. She told Fondue that over the Christmas holidays she and her little sister had gone to see the new mov...

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Funny story: Harry Stiles from One Direction confirms age gap in love affair too big

Harry Stiles from One Direction confirms age gap in love affair too big

It was confirmed today by One Direction member Harry Styles himself that he concedes his love affair with an older woman might not be the best thing for him. He said that touring the country with the new woman in his life meant that they had to c...

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Funny story: Kim Kardashian Has Invited Rob Pattinson To Travel With Her Down To Cabo San Lucas, Mexico

Kim Kardashian Has Invited Rob Pattinson To Travel With Her Down To Cabo San Lucas, Mexico

HOLLYWOOD - Rob Pattinson, the star of the Twilight series, has just received what he is calling one of the best offers he has ever had. Pattinson said that out of the blue he received a phone call from Kim Kardashian. She asked him how his brand...

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Funny story: President Obama Is Upset With Vice-President Joe Biden For Making Mother-In-Law Jokes In Front of Michelle's Mama

President Obama Is Upset With Vice-President Joe Biden For Making Mother-In-Law Jokes In Front of Michelle's Mama

WASHINGTON D.C. - Word filtering out of the White House is that President Barack Obama is not a happy camper. It seems that the other day during a White House State Dinner in honor of France's First Lady Carla Bruni-Sarkozy Vice-President Biden in...

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Funny story: 38DD Busty Singaporean Banker Leaked Laptop Racy Photos Cause Stir in Asia Pacific

38DD Busty Singaporean Banker Leaked Laptop Racy Photos Cause Stir in Asia Pacific

A popular blog recently posted topless photos of a busty woman allegedly working in Singapore at a US related bank. This Singaporean woman has been exposed herself and her "secret double life" on the internet with different sexy lingerie and biki...

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Funny story: 'CSI: Kardashian' Puts the Madcap Back into Murder

'CSI: Kardashian' Puts the Madcap Back into Murder

Hollywood, California - CBS has launched a fourth version of its Crime Scene Investigation series, but with a twist. This time, the show plays forensics for fun, with members of America's least talented but most publicized showbiz family filling the...

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Funny story: Kate Gosselin Devastated At Being Dumped By Steven Tyler Says She Has A Crush On Russell Brand

Kate Gosselin Devastated At Being Dumped By Steven Tyler Says She Has A Crush On Russell Brand

WEST HOLLYWOOD - Kate Gosselin the former star of two cancelled cable shows Jon & Kate Plus 8 and Kate Plus 8 was in West Hollywood visiting her former dance partner on Dancing With The Stars Tony Dovaloni. Gosselin said that Tony was there fo...

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Funny story: Ian Somerhalder Has Been Asked To Appear On The Next Edition of 'Dancing With The Stars'

Ian Somerhalder Has Been Asked To Appear On The Next Edition of 'Dancing With The Stars'

HOLLYWOOD - Tom Bergeron the host of the hit show Dancing With The Stars has verified the rumor that one of the stars of the The Vampire Diaries, Ian Somerhalder has been asked to appear as one of the celebrity dancers for the upcoming season. Ber...

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Funny story: Bollywood's Aishwarya Rai To Star With Hollywood's Heidi Montag In The R-Rated Film "Control, Alt, Delete"

Bollywood's Aishwarya Rai To Star With Hollywood's Heidi Montag In The R-Rated Film "Control, Alt, Delete"

HOLLYWOOD - Tri-Moon Films in association with Candlelight Productions has just announced that filming will soon begin on their latest collaboration Control, Alt, Delete. The R-rated motion picture which will be directed by Sheboygan Saddlewood wi...

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Funny story: NBA Star Lamar Odom's Barhopping Has Wife Khloe Kardashian Hopping Mad!

NBA Star Lamar Odom's Barhopping Has Wife Khloe Kardashian Hopping Mad!

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The way things are going, there very well could be another basketball divorce in the future for yet another one of the infamous Kardashian attention-seeking sisters. Bedroom Pillow Talk has learned that Khloe Kardashian is seeki...

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Funny story: Maksim Chmerkovskiy, The Dancing With The Stars 'Bad Boy of The Ballroom' Will Have His Own Sit-Com Called "Dancing And Fighting With Maksim"

Maksim Chmerkovskiy, The Dancing With The Stars 'Bad Boy of The Ballroom' Will Have His Own Sit-Com Called "Dancing And Fighting With Maksim"

HOLLYWOOD - Word out of Tinsel Town is that Maksim Chmerkovskiy, a native of the Ukraine, and one of the most controversial members of Dancing With The Stars has agreed to star in his very own situation-comedy. The 31-year-old Ukrainian dancer who...

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Funny story: Demi Lovato and Demi Moore To Star as Lindsay and Dina Lohan In "Oodles of Freckles - The Sad Story of Lindsay Lohan"

Demi Lovato and Demi Moore To Star as Lindsay and Dina Lohan In "Oodles of Freckles - The Sad Story of Lindsay Lohan"

HOLLYWOOD - Singing sensation Demi Lovato has just announced that she will soon be starring in the Lions Face Films production of Oodles of Freckles - The Sad Story of Lindsay Lohan. The motion picture is being directed and produced by Charleen Be...

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Funny story: Alexander Skarsgard cast as Norse God Odin in The Twilight Saga Russet Noon

Alexander Skarsgard cast as Norse God Odin in The Twilight Saga Russet Noon

HOLLYWOOD - Alexander Skarsgard as the ultimate epic battle hero? You better believe it! After auditioning countless movie heartthrobs over the past few weeks, casting director and honorable British Lord, Alf Starling, has finally made a decision o...

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Funny story: Johnny Depp and Lindsay Lohan To Star In "Chicken of The Sea - The Story of The Captain of The Costa Concordia Francesco Schettino"

Johnny Depp and Lindsay Lohan To Star In "Chicken of The Sea - The Story of The Captain of The Costa Concordia Francesco Schettino"

HOLLYWOOD - The star of The Pirates of The Caribbean series Johnny Depp has just been cast to portray Italian cruise ship Captain Francesco Schettino AKA Captain Crunch. The movie titled Chicken of The Sea - The Story of The Captain of The Costa C...

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Funny story: Michelle Obama Agrees To Appear On 'Dancing With The Stars' And Will Be Paired With Maksim Chmerkovskiy, "The Bad Boy of The Ballroom"

Michelle Obama Agrees To Appear On 'Dancing With The Stars' And Will Be Paired With Maksim Chmerkovskiy, "The Bad Boy of The Ballroom"

HOLLYWOOD - The host of Dancing With The Stars, Tom Bergeron has just put all of the First Lady rumors to rest. He has informed the entertainment media that Michelle Obama, 48, wife of the nation's 44th president, Barack Obama has in fact agreed...

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Funny story: Kate Gosselin Discloses The Location and The Reason For Her Very Intimate Tattoo

Kate Gosselin Discloses The Location and The Reason For Her Very Intimate Tattoo

READING, Pennsylvania - Kate Gosselin has really had her ups and downs over the past few years but she says that she is a survivor and she truly believes that 2012 will be her year. Kate, 36, recently sat down with Taffeta Kixx of iRumors and had...

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Funny story: CDC Reports 'Failed Paternity Test' Confirms Justin Bieber Still Incapable of Impregnating Women

CDC Reports 'Failed Paternity Test' Confirms Justin Bieber Still Incapable of Impregnating Women

(Atlanta, GA) - Today, CDC chief virologist Rueben Suresh confirmed the results of additional analyses performed in early January on Justin Bieber's failed paternity test sample. Suresh stated that recent reviews show that the pop star remains fully...

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Funny story: Russell Brand Reveals That Katy Perry's Breastfeeding Comment Was The Last Straw

Russell Brand Reveals That Katy Perry's Breastfeeding Comment Was The Last Straw

LOS ANGELES - Russell Brand filed for divorce after being married to Katy Perry for only 14 months. He recently spoke with Pico de Gallo, a reporter with Tittle Tattle Tonight and stated that the main reason why he had decided to file for a divorc...

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Funny story: A Heartbroken Kate Gosselin Begs Steven Tyler To Take Her Back

A Heartbroken Kate Gosselin Begs Steven Tyler To Take Her Back

READING, Pennsylvania - Kate Gosselin the star of two cancelled reality shows Jon and Kate Plus 8 and Kate Plus 8, says that having had those two shows cancelled was nowhere near as hurtful as having Steven Tyler break up with her. Gosselin sat in...

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Funny story: Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez Reveal Their Amazing New Years Resolution

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez Reveal Their Amazing New Years Resolution

SANTA MONICA, California - One of the happiest young couples in America was spotted walking hand-in-hand on the famed Santa Monica Pier. Singing sensations Justin Bieber, 17, and his girlfriend Selena Gomez, 19, were seen feeding each other some p...

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Funny story: Madonna Says That Angelina Jolie Is Too Old To Be Getting Pregnant

Madonna Says That Angelina Jolie Is Too Old To Be Getting Pregnant

NEW YORK CITY - Madonna who has a storied history of getting into feuds with other celebrities has added a new one to her list of feud participants. The 53-year-old songstress recently remarked that Angelina Jolie, who has just announced her pregn...

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Funny story: Ian Somerhalder pulls a Rambo after Nina Dobrev agrees to be the new Bachelorette

Ian Somerhalder pulls a Rambo after Nina Dobrev agrees to be the new Bachelorette

Host Chris Harrison announced Thursday during an interview that ABC is launching a new spinoff of the popular dating show, The Bachelorette. Inspired by the success of Donald Trump's Celebrity Apprentice, ABC producers have decided to try their hand...

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Funny story: American Idol Kicks Off Season 11 With 10,000 Hopefuls in Savannah, Georgia

American Idol Kicks Off Season 11 With 10,000 Hopefuls in Savannah, Georgia

SAVANNAH, Georgia - Season 11 of American Idol kicked off in the Southern city of Savannah, Georgia. The town nestled on the South Carolina border is noted for its delicious tasting peaches, it deliciously lovely Southern belles, and for being the...

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Funny story: Ian Somerhalder, Taylor Lautner, and Lady Gaga To Star In "The Attack of The Zombie Emoticons"

Ian Somerhalder, Taylor Lautner, and Lady Gaga To Star In "The Attack of The Zombie Emoticons"

NEW ORLEANS - Lady Gaga performed before a sell-out crowd at The Ooh La La Convention Center in the city known as The Big Easy. After her concert, Lady G spoke in her dressing room with Tequila Tallyho of Left Coast Mirror Magazine. Miss Tallyh...

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Funny story: Cameron Diaz Talks Openly About Justin Bieber, Her New Boobs, and Those Botox Rumors

Cameron Diaz Talks Openly About Justin Bieber, Her New Boobs, and Those Botox Rumors

BEVERLY HILLS - Cameron Diaz was sitting in her usual chair at The Haven of Hair Salon on Rodeo Drive where she had gone in for her monthly black root touch up. The starlet's longtime hair stylist FuFi Fondue, noted hair stylist to the stars, rema...

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Funny story: Katy Perry Denies That Russell Brand Filed For Divorce Due To Her Alleged Lesbian Affair With Rihanna

Katy Perry Denies That Russell Brand Filed For Divorce Due To Her Alleged Lesbian Affair With Rihanna

LOS ANGELES - Russell Brand was in Tinsel Town visiting his lawyer and taking care of a few odds and ends in his upcoming divorce from Katy Perry. Meanwhile his soon-to-be-ex-wife Katy Perry was staying in Barbados at the Caribbean mansion of Riha...

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Funny story: Keira Knightley, Emma Watson And Vinnie Jones In Bad Romance Love Triangle

Keira Knightley, Emma Watson And Vinnie Jones In Bad Romance Love Triangle

Budding scriptwriter, Chester Swanage St-Ives, today revealed that he is preparing to embark upon a Hollywood trip, in order to promote his latest screenplay, 'The Manderley Romantic Menage a Trois Of Doomed Starcrossed Victorian Lovers High On Crack. (With Horses.)' Starring Keira Knightley, Emma Watson, and Vinnie Jones, with cameos from Katie Price, Natasha Giggs, Bono out of U2, David Bowie...

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Funny story: Transfer Window: Lionel Messi joins Leyton Orient on two month loan

Transfer Window: Lionel Messi joins Leyton Orient on two month loan

In an amazing turn of events today, Leyton Orient pulled off the transfer coup of the January window and possibly the millenium when O's chairman Barry Hearn announced to a packed to the rafters press conference in the club's Olympic suite that newl...

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Funny story: CERN Press Office Confirm Large Haldron Collider Will Shut Down 21 December 2012 For Maintenance

CERN Press Office Confirm Large Haldron Collider Will Shut Down 21 December 2012 For Maintenance

CERN today announced that the LHC will run through to 21 December 2012 after a short technical stop at the end of 2011. The beam energy for 2012 will be 8.5 TeV, the maximum possible and this maximum output will be reached on the 21 December 2012, be...

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Funny story: Russell Brand and Vanessa Bryant Spotted In Brand's 2012 Lamborghini Parked By The Hollywood Sign

Russell Brand and Vanessa Bryant Spotted In Brand's 2012 Lamborghini Parked By The Hollywood Sign

HOLLYWOOD - Russell Brand will soon be a free man after filing for divorce from his wife of 14 months singer Katy Perry. Brand stated that he filed in Los Angeles County on grounds of Irreconcilable Ipso Facto Differences. Vanessa Bryant will...

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Funny story: Kristen Stewart to Shoot Hot Steamy Scene with Taylor Lautner in Post Breaking Dawn Film

Kristen Stewart to Shoot Hot Steamy Scene with Taylor Lautner in Post Breaking Dawn Film

Twilight Saga actors Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner are not very happy about their movie Breaking Dawn getting snubbed this film award season, so they've vowed to make a comeback after their Twilight contract is up. "I don't understand what...

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Funny story: Arsenal To Sign Manchester United Legend Eric Cantona

Arsenal To Sign Manchester United Legend Eric Cantona

In keeping with their current policy of signing Premier League legends, Arsenal appear set to top the Thierry Henry coup by signing Manchester United legend, Eric Cantona. A club spokesman said that luring the greatest ever French footballer out o...

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Funny story: Charlie Sheen Seen Trying To Hit On Kobe's Soon-To-Be-Ex-Wife, Vanessa "The $75 Million Woman" Bryant

Charlie Sheen Seen Trying To Hit On Kobe's Soon-To-Be-Ex-Wife, Vanessa "The $75 Million Woman" Bryant

HOLLYWOOD - Charlie Sheen alias "The Space Cadet" wasted no time as he was seen trying to hit on Vanessa Bryant at a Pizza Doll Restaurant located near Sunset and Vine. Charlie was wearing an NFL New York Giants baseball cap and a New England Patr...

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Funny story: Jennifer Aniston Agrees To Appear In PlayGuy For $1.2 Million

Jennifer Aniston Agrees To Appear In PlayGuy For $1.2 Million

CHICAGO - Jennifer Aniston really made quite an impression as the brunette dentist in her role as Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S. in the 2011 hit motion picture Horrible Bosses. Aniston certainly shot down the old adage that 'blondes have more fun,' as s...

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Funny story: Woman With 2 Vaginas Seeks Man With 2 Penises

Woman With 2 Vaginas Seeks Man With 2 Penises

A one in a million woman with two vaginas is seeking a man with 2 penises. Yes you heard it right a woman with 2 vaginas has discovered she is a little different than the average bear. Hazel Jones was alerted to her difference when a boy friend n...

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Funny story: Scott Walker Worried Jail He Is Going to Might Have Union Guards

Scott Walker Worried Jail He Is Going to Might Have Union Guards

Madison, Wisconsin--Scott Walker is beginning to worry that he might be going to jail, because close aides of his are getting charged with felonies. "I am worried these jails in Wisconsin might have guards that are in the unions, if I am lucky,...

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Funny story: Ten Comments from Experts about the Possible Ending of the World in 2012

Ten Comments from Experts about the Possible Ending of the World in 2012

What's the skinny on this scary prediction? Here's a sampling of comments: Martha Stewart: "Be prepared. Pack yourself some nice take-out meals that travel REALLY well." Queen Elizabeth II: "I'm not leaving without my tiara, my royal robes, and my purse." Entrepreneur Donald Trump: "I STILL may run for president." Twitter executive: "Send some good-bye tweets, but remembe...

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Funny story: Did Iranian Rock Sink The Costa Concordia?

Did Iranian Rock Sink The Costa Concordia?

In response to US threats to impose sanctions on Iran over it's nuclear program it's been revealed that Iran has been attempting to block the Straits of Hormuz to oil tankers by rolling enormous rocks into the waters. "We've blasted about thirty...

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Funny story: Vampire Diaries off the air until February due to Ian Somerhalder's disappearance, Nina Dobrev announces

Vampire Diaries off the air until February due to Ian Somerhalder's disappearance, Nina Dobrev announces

ATLANTA - As the manhunt for actor Ian Somerhalder continues up in the North Georgia mountains, Vampire Diaries producers take the show off the air until February 2012. Reporters and paparazzi cornered damsel in distress extraordinaire, Nina Dobrev,...

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Funny story: Mario Balotelli Buys A Mobility Scooter

Mario Balotelli Buys A Mobility Scooter

Crackpot Manchester City striker Mario Balotelli has just accepted delivery of a top of the range mobility scooter which he says he'll use to do the odd spot of shopping at Manchester's Trafford Centre, and to transport him from the dressing rooms at...

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Funny story: Frenchmen's AAA Romance Rating Downgraded To C-

Frenchmen's AAA Romance Rating Downgraded To C-

Paris -- The EU Division of Standard & Poor's has notched down France's world-leading AAA Romance Rating, relegating the "land of love" to the bottom of the hotness heap when it comes to "lust, thrust, and overall mojo." "France's sexual score...

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Funny story: Pippa Middleton was to have been the face of the PIP breast implant, bwahaha...

Pippa Middleton was to have been the face of the PIP breast implant, bwahaha...

London - The ad campaign for the Poly Implant Prothese mammary jellies has gone on the wobble after Pippa Middleton flip-flopped over contractual terms. Secret organic ingredients thought to be Medusa jellyfish hybrids, have been hit hard by EU au...

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Funny story: Brad Pitt Is Denying That His Hurt Leg Is A Result of A Karate Kick From Angelina Jolie

Brad Pitt Is Denying That His Hurt Leg Is A Result of A Karate Kick From Angelina Jolie

NEW YORK CITY - Brad Pitt and his partner Angelina Jolie recently arrived in the Big Apple where they attended the 77th New York Film Critics Circle Award Gala. Pitt won the award for best actor for his portrayal of Billy Beane in the baseball mov...

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Funny story: Political Facebook - Mitt Romney and Ron Paul

Political Facebook - Mitt Romney and Ron Paul

Political Facebook Mitt Romney: Hi Ron, well it's been quite a week huh? With Jon Huntsman and Rick Perry dropping out that now leaves only four of us in the GOP presidential race. 2:11 p.m. Ron Paul: Yes it does Mitt old boy. But I really have a feeling that old slick Rick Santorum will be dropping out pretty soon. 2:16 p.m. Mitt Romney: What makes you say that? 2:21 p.m. Ron Paul:...

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Funny story: Blu-Tack named "most important piece of equipment" on the ISS

Blu-Tack named "most important piece of equipment" on the ISS

The international space station is full of technical wizardry from robot arms to state of the art telecommunication devices. The cost of a pen on the ISS runs into thousands of dollars with decades of research leading to its manufacture. So which...

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Funny story: Adele confirmed for Queens Diamond Jubilee, special builders engaged

Adele confirmed for Queens Diamond Jubilee, special builders engaged

It was confirmed today that popular singer Adele will indeed be headlining at the pop concert for H M the Queen's Diamond Jubilee celebrations from the roof of the Royal Palace. Specialist builders are being brought in to Buckingham Palace to stre...

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Funny story: Nina Dobrev, Ian Somerhalder, and Paul Wesley Return For Season 3 on The Vampire Diaries

Nina Dobrev, Ian Somerhalder, and Paul Wesley Return For Season 3 on The Vampire Diaries

HOLLYWOOD - The Vampire Diaries kicked off season number three with a real bang as Alaric (Matt Davis) launched a bottle rocket that almost hit Caroline (Candice Accola) on her cowlick and landed on a hay pile which quickly started a fire that burned...

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Funny story: Chinese New Year and Burns Night merged

Chinese New Year and Burns Night merged

With Chinese New Year arriving just two days before the Scottish celebration of Burns Night, it has been decided to amalgamate the two massive events in the global calendar and have Chinese Burns Night. "This is going to be phenomenal," said Wu Ma...

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Funny story: Benedict Cumberbatch schmoozed to play Pentagon hacker Gary McKinnon

Benedict Cumberbatch schmoozed to play Pentagon hacker Gary McKinnon

London - Studio bosses are desperate to secure the services of the Sherlock star whose uncanny facial resemblance makes him a dead ringer for Gary McKinnon. Benedict Cumberbatch is being headhunted to play the controversial Pentagon hacker in a ne...

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Funny story: The Reason Why Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Want To Adopt X-Factor's Rachel Crow and Drew Ryniewicz

The Reason Why Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Want To Adopt X-Factor's Rachel Crow and Drew Ryniewicz

NEW YORK CITY - Brad Pitt was all smiles as he won the Best Actor Award at the 77th New York Film Critics Circle Award Gala for his portrayal of Billy Beane in the baseball film Moneyball. Pitt who was hobbling and walking with the aid of a $7,298...

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Funny story: QPR to sign Kaxo Mpewilmu.

QPR to sign Kaxo Mpewilmu.

Sky Sports understands that QPR are in talks with Kaxo Mpewilmu. The 22 year old Belgian born Gambian wonderkid is currently plying his trade with FC Snagov in the Romanian 2nd tier. Mark Hughes has a reported £30 million warchest, and a high s...

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Funny story: Ron Paul Says If Newt Gingrich Doesn't Stop Attacking Him He Will Open Up A Can of 'Whup Ass' On Him

Ron Paul Says If Newt Gingrich Doesn't Stop Attacking Him He Will Open Up A Can of 'Whup Ass' On Him

LAKE JACKSON, Texas - Ron Paul was back home taking it easy since he said that he does not like to travel on Friday the 13th. He sat barbecuing baby back ribs in his backyard and chatting with Mistletoe Bulova, a reporter with the political public...

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Funny story: Rosie 47 stitches up Harry Redknapp.

Rosie 47 stitches up Harry Redknapp.

Harry Redknapp was twitching like a pigeon today after it was revealed in court that his dog had opened a secret bank account in Monaco. The jury was told how the Old Bill had been following the trail of 'Arry's dog, who was operating under the mo...

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Funny story: New Weekly Part Work - Build Your Own Gibson Les Paul!

New Weekly Part Work - Build Your Own Gibson Les Paul!

That's right! You too can join great axemen like Slash and play your very own Gibson Les Paul electric guitar. This prestigious instrument has long been the guitar of choice for ace rock players and has been heard on some of the greatest tunes ever to hit the airwaves. Now you can build your own with this weekly publication. Every week you will receive a quality part with a specially-written...

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Funny story: Baby Porcupine Irwin: First Interview and Wish List

Baby Porcupine Irwin: First Interview and Wish List

He's a YouTube sensation -- the baby porcupine in Pennsylvania trying to eat from a coffee cup. But he's not a happy camper. In his first interview, he tells all, including why he's furious with the media and what's on his wish list for the com...

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Funny story: The Unbelievable Video of Ex-Penn State Football Coach Jerry Sandusky At The Tarzan & Jane Petting Zoo In Tarzana

The Unbelievable Video of Ex-Penn State Football Coach Jerry Sandusky At The Tarzan & Jane Petting Zoo In Tarzana

TARZANA - An undercover private investigator has uncovered what he calls evidence that is not going to help the case of Jerry Sandusky, the former coach of the Nittany Lions of Penn State. The investigator who would not reveal his name for reasons...

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Funny story: Betty White Says That If Ron Paul Wasn't Married, She'd Be All Over Him Like Stripes on A Zebra!

Betty White Says That If Ron Paul Wasn't Married, She'd Be All Over Him Like Stripes on A Zebra!

BEVERLY HILLS - Betty White just recently celebrated her 90th birthday and the feisty Hollywood gal does not show any signs of slowing down. She is seriously considering an offer to appear in next season's edition of Dancing With The Stars as well...

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Funny story: Bad girl Miley Cyrus snapped getting down and dirty with giant penis cake at birthday

Bad girl Miley Cyrus snapped getting down and dirty with giant penis cake at birthday

Yes you heard it right Sweet innocent little Miley Cyrus was heard saying at a birthday party, "she loved the taste of that sweet black penis". And why wouldn't she love the taste. It was an X-rated birthday cake she had purchased for her BF Liam...

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Funny story: London Borough Of Ealing Declared International Dark-Sky Reserve

London Borough Of Ealing Declared International Dark-Sky Reserve

London's astronomers are over the moon at the announcement that the London Borough of Ealing has been declared an International Dark-Sky Reserve. 'London is an international centre of excellence for numerous endeavours,' explained Mayor of London,...

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Funny story: Kop To Sing 'You'll Never Walk Alone' In Swahili In Order To Refute Racism Allegations

Kop To Sing 'You'll Never Walk Alone' In Swahili In Order To Refute Racism Allegations

Sources on Merseyside are reporting that Liverpool Football Club, in order to save face over the Luis Suarez racism allegations, and the club's subsequent stand in support of the striker, have distributed the lyrics of 'You'll Never Walk Alone' in Sw...

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Funny story: Cameron denies eating roast bald eagle with King Abdullah in Saudi desert feast

Cameron denies eating roast bald eagle with King Abdullah in Saudi desert feast

Riyadh, Saudi Arabia - "That's total and utter hogwash," the PM's aide told reporters this evening, "besides, it wasn't bald per se, just slightly thinning." "It's the Bedu equivalent of the Thanksgiving turkey," Our-Man-In-Riyadh's calorie counte...

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Funny story: Yodaphone to take on the big four

Yodaphone to take on the big four

It was never the intention, but so successful was a recent advert campaign staring Yoda, the diminutive Star Wars character has decided to go into business selling mobile phones with his own operating system that takes on Apple, Google, Microsoft and...

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Funny story: Russell Brand Blames 2012 Mayan Apocalypse for Katy Perry Divorce

Russell Brand Blames 2012 Mayan Apocalypse for Katy Perry Divorce

A horse is a horse of course of course and nobody can talk to a horse of course, go right to the source and ask the horse, He'll give you the answer that you'll endorse, He's always on a steady course, Talk to Mr. Ed! According to Judd Apatow prod...

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Funny story: Arsene Wenger hits back in war of words with President of Rwanda

Arsene Wenger hits back in war of words with President of Rwanda

Arsene Wenger has faced a barrage of criticism for Arsenal's poor performances in 2012 from fans and journalists alike, but now people in high places want him out. Paul Kagame, president of Rwanda, has called on the long-time Arsenal manager to give...

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Funny story: Costa Concordia will need exorcism Pope warns salvage company

Costa Concordia will need exorcism Pope warns salvage company

Rome - Unhexing the stricken pleasure cruiser requires meticulous Bell, Book & Candle stuff the Pope has warned ahead of new attempts to refloat the boat. Its Friday the 13th sinking on the Russian Orthodox calendar's New Year's Eve means devi...

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Funny story: Heidi Klum Dumps Seal, Seeks Upgrade with Tiger Woods

Heidi Klum Dumps Seal, Seeks Upgrade with Tiger Woods

The romance is reportedly over as ex-supermodel now reality TV hostess, Heidi Klum, kicks former recording star Seal, to the curb. Insiders to the Klum camp, say that she may be quick to the post-Seal cougar prowl, and just happens to like the way T...

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Funny story: Portsmouth FC players sent into town with begging bowls!

Portsmouth FC players sent into town with begging bowls!

The players of Portsmouth FC, one of the oldest football clubs in the UK, have had their afternoon training sessions cancelled because the chairman has demanded that players go out and beg for their money. Portsmouth owe a substantial amount to th...

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Funny story: Heidi Klum Said She Told Her Husband Seal To Attend Anger Management Classes Or Kiss Her Fantabulous Body Bye-Bye

Heidi Klum Said She Told Her Husband Seal To Attend Anger Management Classes Or Kiss Her Fantabulous Body Bye-Bye

SANTA MONICA - Heidi Klum took her four kids to the world-famous Santa Monica Pier to buy them some of their unique rainbow-colored cotton candy. While on the pier she was approached by a reporter who asked her if she was actually going through wi...

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Funny story: Facebook unveils 60 new ways to waste time under latest expansion plan

Facebook unveils 60 new ways to waste time under latest expansion plan

Facebook is adding a series of new applications to let users share such things as photos, travel or fashion. The online social network firm unveiled more than 60 new ways to waste time on Facebook. The company, tipped for a $100bn initial public o...

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Funny story: Joey Barton Twitter attack on Gary Glitter

Joey Barton Twitter attack on Gary Glitter

A war of tweets has broken out after Joey Barton claimed a Twitter account belonging to pop paedophile Gary Glitter should be given a red card. @Joey7Barton called Gary Glitter a #wrongun and a #diddlediddler and said that the unverified account w...

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Funny story: Transfer Window: Villas-Boas denies Chelsea will sell Torres in January

Transfer Window: Villas-Boas denies Chelsea will sell Torres in January

Chelsea manager Andre Villa-Boas has denied the club will sell £50million flop striker Fernando Torres in the January transfer window. "It's an ABSOLUTE LIE" AVB grumbled into a microphone shoved into his face after another failure to pick up thre...

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Funny story: Physicists guide to romance

Physicists guide to romance

As any biologist will happily tell you, at some point even a physicist must find a suitable mate. Otherwise, where do baby physicists come from? Therefore, it follows that at some point in any physicist's life, there will be a need to procreate. Please see the earlier physicists guide to identifying the sexes, as attempting to procreate with same gender people will prove fruitless. And sometimes p...

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Funny story: Implant scandal after goldfish found in breast

Implant scandal after goldfish found in breast

Fly by night cosmetic surgery slashers Body-morph have admitted that some of there implants might contain goldfish, although they assure patients that there is no risk from cancer from the fish. The scandal came to light, after a woman complained...

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Funny story: 2012 Mayan Prophecy: The End Of The World - A 'How To Survive' Guide

2012 Mayan Prophecy: The End Of The World - A 'How To Survive' Guide

It's a fact. The world is ending this year, or so say the experts who are pretending they can read the ancient texts of the Mayan people, that long ago vanished Mesoamerican tribe. So, I thought it would be prudent to cover a few final points before the destruction of mankind. And if I can, help you survive it. This is my 'How To' guide in how to survive the apocalypse. Hold on tight,...

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Funny story: Irish Homeowners Can Now Legally Shoot Intruders; Hospitality Urged

Irish Homeowners Can Now Legally Shoot Intruders; Hospitality Urged

The legal ruling in Ireland granting this right has gotten mixed reviews. Some think of it as a blessing; others, as a curse. But both sides are united in the belief that good old Irish hospitality should prevail, even in the case of a home inv...

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Funny story: X-Factor's Simon Cowell Admits He's Thinking About Replacing Nicole Scherzinger With Cheryl Cole

X-Factor's Simon Cowell Admits He's Thinking About Replacing Nicole Scherzinger With Cheryl Cole

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Word on the streets of LaLaLand is that the X-Factor mogul and judge Simon Cowell is contemplating making a big change for next season. According to iRumors Cowell AKA "The Prince of Put Downs" stated that he has received lots of...

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Funny story: Surprise Guest at Dorking Steam Engine Renovation Society

Surprise Guest at Dorking Steam Engine Renovation Society

The Dorking Steam Engine Renovation Society had a pleasant surprise this week as they met at Millie's Barn for their monthly meeting when Ringo Starr turned up. "I was blown away," said Humphrey Regard. "There we were discussing the merits of extr...

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Funny story: Los Angeles Lakers Player Luke Walton Appears To Be Heading To The Washington Wizards

Los Angeles Lakers Player Luke Walton Appears To Be Heading To The Washington Wizards

LOS ANGELES - In a move that many Los Angeles Laker fans knew was coming, Sports Territory Magazine is reporting that the Lakers may be trading the 31-year-old, 6-foot-8-inch Luke Walton. The Lakers management stated that they are currently in ta...

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Funny story: Tiger Woods Visits Australian Open to See Maria Sharapova Grunt

Tiger Woods Visits Australian Open to See Maria Sharapova Grunt

Finishing his negotiations with Newt Gingrich over whether or not Woods might be a spokesman for Newt's moral character, Woods and his entourage headed to the Australian Open tennis tournament to witness Maria Sharapova's grunts first hand. "There...

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Funny story: The Hank Williams Jr., - Ellen DeGeneres Feud Is Getting Hotter Than A Summer Day In Yuma, Arizona

The Hank Williams Jr., - Ellen DeGeneres Feud Is Getting Hotter Than A Summer Day In Yuma, Arizona

LOS ANGELES - The average temperature in Yuma, Arizona, during the summer month of July is 107 F. But the temperature between the feud between country artist Hank Williams Jr. and talk show host Ellen DeGeneres is most assuredly a few degrees higher...

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Funny story: Stricken Mars probe Phobos-Grunt 'stalking Marianne Faithfull'

Stricken Mars probe Phobos-Grunt 'stalking Marianne Faithfull'

London - She has always vehemently denied being caught in flagrente with Mick Jagger in an alleged Mars Bar incident. This weekend Marianne's holed up in her leafy Chelsea pad as reports of the Phobos-Grunt's erotic - er...erratic! - orbit suggest...

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Funny story: John Terry's face being used on Indian cigarette packets

John Terry's face being used on Indian cigarette packets

Representatives of John Terry are taking legal advice after an image resembling the footballer appeared on cigarette packs in India. The photograph of a blurred head and pale torso appears above the words SMOKING CIGARETTES CAN LEAD TO BEING CAPTA...

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Funny story: Andy Murray to head Scottish Independence Drive

Andy Murray to head Scottish Independence Drive

Andy Murray, the well known tennis incompetent, is to head the Vote Yes campaign in the upcoming referendum on Scottish independence. Andy, 34, took a time out during his exciting (and - I assume - losing though the game's not finished yet) semi-fina...

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