Crackpot Manchester City striker Mario Balotelli has just accepted delivery of a top of the range mobility scooter which he says he'll use to do the odd spot of shopping at Manchester's Trafford Centre, and to transport him from the dressing rooms at the Etihad Stadium to his Maserati in the car park.
Balotelli's 'Wellness Advisor' Vito Minez reacted angrily when reporters mocked the young Italian's wacky takes on life by saying that Balotelli's legs and feet were the tools of his trade, and that he has been advised to take extra special care of them, in order to safeguard his future, both physically and financially.
City's Health and Safety Officer, and Player Wellness co-ordinator, Lars Hammerthumb told reporters that the mobility scooter idea was not to be scoffed at.
"Mario's legs and feet are essential tools of his trade, not to mention parts of his anatomy. It makes good sense for him to take good care of them. It saves him picking up knocks by avoiding the hoi palloi and in particular, fat slappers in short skirts, who have a tendency to stand on his feet, or kick his ankles. Particularly if they're United fans. Bastards they are, that lot."
Mario's mobility scooter was a one-off design, supplied by a local company. Although reporters haven't yet seen it, word on the street suggests that it will have at least seven stainless steel antennae with little flags attached, a Bang and Oluffsen sound system, a gold plated chassis, flashing lights, a siren and a built in goldfish bowl, which facilitates him taking his pet goldfish, Carlos, up the shops with him.
And a bumper sticker, reading:
"Why Always Me? I Hate United Too!"
More as we get it.
