Written by P.M. Wortham

Wednesday, 25 January 2012

image for Heidi Klum Dumps Seal, Seeks Upgrade with Tiger Woods
One bag of balls, well cleaned and polished.

The romance is reportedly over as ex-supermodel now reality TV hostess, Heidi Klum, kicks former recording star Seal, to the curb. Insiders to the Klum camp, say that she may be quick to the post-Seal cougar prowl, and just happens to like the way Tiger Woods swings his club.

Reportedly oblivious to the Klum/Seal news, Tiger Woods and his personal management team had just returned from visiting the Australian Open Tennis Tournament, to witness the spectacle and natural wonder of the Maria Sharapova grunt. "Tiger hadn't heard about Klum's availability", says assistant putter manager, Willy Clubman. "She's actually still pretty hot, but I think Tiger likes them younger".

Clubman's quote was picked up by the national press and Ms. Klum, where her assistant makeup artist, Bud Tuggley, commented "Heidi was upset over the quote at first, but then realized that she still had the thighs of a 21 year old. I think she is still on the hunt for an employed, entertainment icon." Tuggley added, "And quite frankly, nobody can clean and handle a bag of balls like Heidi", referring to Klum's first job on a golf driving range.

Woods could not be reached for direct comment, the lucky bastard.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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