'CSI: Kardashian' Puts the Madcap Back into Murder

Funny story written by Michael Balton

Friday, 6 January 2012

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Hollywood, California - CBS has launched a fourth version of its Crime Scene Investigation series, but with a twist. This time, the show plays forensics for fun, with members of America's least talented but most publicized showbiz family filling the starring roles.

Each week, "CSI: Kardashian" places Kourtney, Kim and Khloé on the scene of a fresh Hollywood homicide. There's blood, there's tension, there's tears, there's chaos. But instead of solving the crime, the girls delve into their personal problems, providing their unique "reality" view of professional crime-fighting.

For instance in Episode 1, "Kim Breaks a Nail," we learn that none of the Kardashians have received any forensics training. They are about to be dismissed, when a series of "closed door" meetings with the police commissioner buys them a second chance.

Episode 2, "I Can't Finish This Doughnut," opens with a robbery/homicide in a coffee shop that is witnessed by the girls. They interrogate each other, but can't seem to recall a single detail about the crime. The session comes to an abrupt halt when Khloé remembers that she is pregnant and asks for a lift to the nearest abortion clinic.

In the third episode, "Can You Make It a Shade Lighter?", the Kardashians are both investigators and perpetrators. When a gossip columnist questions their talents, the sisters get revenge. They murder the critic by over-highlighting her hair. More "closed-door" meetings with the police commissioner ensue.

"CSI: Kardashian is like Charlie's Angels, but without the complicated plots and without the beautiful women and without Charlie," a network spokesman said. "In other words, it's too dumb to fail.

"In fact, we have so much confidence in the Kardashians that we are going to also give them their own quiz show. 'Are You Dumber Than A Kardashian?' premieres next fall."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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