The players of Portsmouth FC, one of the oldest football clubs in the UK, have had their afternoon training sessions cancelled because the chairman has demanded that players go out and beg for their money.
Portsmouth owe a substantial amount to the inland revenue and have failed to pay the players their January wages and as far as the club is concerned it will do the players good to go out begging for their money alongside illegal immigrants and tramps so they know how good they've had it up till now.
Star player, Israeli Ben Haim, gave the following statement: "Oh I have no problem begging for money, but usually it's the Palestinians doing it back home, not us, but that's over there and this is England, so when in Portsmouth do as the Portsmouth-ians do!"
Local people shocked at the sight of seeing their beloved footy stars begging, rallied round the players offering them a plate of piping-hot tinned vegetable soup and a slice of white bread at the local soup kitchen for the homeless, which they all gladly took up, it's "brass monkeys" in Portsmouth at the moment.
Luxury car vultures were also spotted hovering around Fratton Park hoping to "peck on" a limo or two for peanuts and ex-manager 'Arry Redknapp, God bless him, also offered his solidarity, but no dosh, because that's all in Monaco, tax free like, mate, me old China, wink, wink!