Kate Gosselin Devastated At Being Dumped By Steven Tyler Says She Has A Crush On Russell Brand

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 30 January 2012

image for Kate Gosselin Devastated At Being Dumped By Steven Tyler Says She Has A Crush On Russell Brand
A closeup of Kate Gosselin's hair. (Photo provided by FuFi Fondue).

WEST HOLLYWOOD - Kate Gosselin the former star of two cancelled cable shows Jon & Kate Plus 8 and Kate Plus 8 was in West Hollywood visiting her former dance partner on Dancing With The Stars Tony Dovaloni.

Gosselin said that Tony was there for her when she got eliminated from the dance show and she said that his knock-knock jokes really and truly are what helped get her through that difficult time.

Kate, who up until recently was Steven Tyler's girlfriend, confided to Fajita San Guacamole of Hollywood Innuendo that she is still heartbroken after having been dumped by the American Idol judge.

She pointed out that she had believed that one day she was going to be Mrs. Steven Tyler. When asked about the tremendous age difference Kate merely laughed it off as just being a number.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Kate Gosselin is 36, and Steven Tyler is 63, which resulted in an age difference of 27 years.]

San Guacamole asked Mrs. Gosselin why it was that "Lips" Tyler, as Steven is known, had dumped her ending one of the most famous May - December relationships in America.

Kate simply shrugged her shoulders, raised her eyebrows, and re-adjusted the front of her bra. She looked out the window and replied that it was a complete shock to her.

San Guacamole then took out a little spiral reporters notepad and flipped through it. She stopped at a page which contained an article that she then showed to Kate.

The article was written by Tapioca Swizzle of Tittle Tattle Tonight and in it Tyler had confided to Miss Swizzle that in regards to Kate's kids that he had never before seen a more disrespectful, misbehaved band of heathens in his entire life.

He then added that, that included Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's half dozen brats as well."

Tyler ended up saying that the last straw came when he was visiting Kate in her Reading, Pennsylvania home and he looked out the window and saw three of her kids whom he identified as Joel, Collin, and Hanna, on top of his white Lamborghini, drawing smiley faces on it with red permanent Sharpie pens.

Steven did say that he truly cared for Kate and her fantabulous body, but that there was just no way that he would ever put up with her eight little barbarians.

After San Guacamole had pointed out Tapioca Swizzle's article to Kate she dejectedly looked down at the floor. She brushed her blonde hair away from her face and remarked that she had a feeling that her kids were kind of bratty but she had no idea that they were that bratty.

San Guacamole then mentioned to her that the best way for her to get over Tyler would be to focus on someone new and slowly the painful pain would eventually subside.

Gosselin's eyes lit up. Right away San Guacamole knew that Kate already had someone in mind. She asked her who had put that quasi glow on her face.

Kate giggled and added that not only did she have a quasi glow on her face but that she also had a bit of a pronounced stirring in her lap region.

The Hollywood Innuendo reporter asked her who was responsible for the glow and the stirring. Kate raised her eyebrows and replied that the mystery man whom she had a crush on was none other than the soon-to-be-divorced Russell Brand.

Gosselin smacked her lips and remarked that for the past two nights she has gone to bed pretending that her pillow was Russell Brand.

Kate showed San Guacamole the pillow and Fajita noticed that it was covered with dozens and dozens of lipstick smudges.

A friendly reminder that February 3rd is National Fast Food Day except in Arizona.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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