Written by D Agnew

Tuesday, 31 January 2012

image for Implant scandal after goldfish found in breast
Fish implant found in breast

Fly by night cosmetic surgery slashers Body-morph have admitted that some of there implants might contain goldfish, although they assure patients that there is no risk from cancer from the fish.

The scandal came to light, after a woman complained of a strange feeling from her left breast
"it felt like something moving inside me" she told our smirking reporter. A subsequent test revealed that the lady had a sunken ship with fake sea weed and a small goldfish inside her breast.

Further investigation reveals the company did not use medical grade silicon but instead bought a lucky dip pallet off Ebay for £200.00. The factory then made the implants with what ever was on the pallet.

Speaking from his luxury Belgian farmhouse Simon Molloko the CEO of Body-morph made the following statement:

"While I understand the concern from former patients who may or may not have Marbles, fish, dolls heads and other detritus in their implants, I would like to reassure these people that there is no link with cancer. Unless you had implants that we filled with asbestos that week in June."

Feminist pig lady Cynthia Clark demanded that the CEO be emasculated in public and his testicles driven on a spike. While Doctors surgery's around the country have been inundated with worried women official advice from the Government is not to over feed the fish, a small pinch is adequate.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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