Kate Gosselin Discloses The Location and The Reason For Her Very Intimate Tattoo

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 1 January 2012

READING, Pennsylvania - Kate Gosselin has really had her ups and downs over the past few years but she says that she is a survivor and she truly believes that 2012 will be her year.

Kate, 36, recently sat down with Taffeta Kixx of iRumors and had a nice conversation. They talked about Kate's eight kids and how they had finally all settled down and had pretty much stopped getting expelled from school.

Gosselin then somewhat hesitantly added that seven-year old Joel Kevin was still causing a bit of a problem.

The divorced mother of eight noted that he had recently been sent home from school after he wrote on the blackboard that the teacher had cellulite and looked like she was an atheist or at the very least a cafeteria food critic.

Miss Kixx asked Kate about the alleged rumor that she had gotten a very intimate tattoo a few weeks ago. Gosselin blushed and got so flustered that she broke out in hives.

The hives got so bad that she actually had to stop the interview and run to the garage and get a bottle of bee repellent.

[WRITER'S NOTE: I apologize, but I could not resist the pun. -AR].

Kate was soon able to continue. She told Miss Kixx that she and her boyfriend (Steven Tyler) had gone down to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico a few weeks ago and stayed at Steven and Ryan (Seacrest's) Puffy Taco Resort & Casino.

She shyly added that one night after an evening of salsa dancing, mariachi karaoke, and under-the-table lap hockey that she had kinda gotten a little too much tequila in her.

She winked and said that her and Steven became very good friends with their amigo from Old Mexico Jose Cuervo or as Piers Morgan refers to him Joe Crow.

Needless to say Tyler, who is 63, had his way with her as is always the case. The next day as they were shopping at the local market for piƱatas, maracas, serapes, huaraches, and a tortilla press for her eight kids Tyler suggested that she get a tattoo in his honor.

She was still feeling a little hungover but she went ahead and agreed to do it because she has made it her goal to please the man who has been kinder to her than any man in her life.

After going through a catalog that included about 8,000 different types and styles of tattoos, her and Steven decided on a microphone exactly like the one he used when he was the lead singer with Aerosmith.

Kate said that since she was kind of shy about anyone other than him seeing her naked body she wanted to get it on her lower back or what is known as a tramp stamp.

Tyler had other ideas. He said that he wanted it somewhere more intimate where no one but him would ever see it. She laughingly told him that there was no way that she was going to get her tonsil tattooed.

"Lips" as Tyler is known, took her hand and whispered in her ear that he wanted her to get the tattoo on her hooha. Kate being a little on the naive side had never heard the word, which Tyler was shocked to hear.

He then told her that by her hooha he meant her crotch cookie, her groin goody, her magic muffin.

Tyler sensed that she was still not getting the full picture. He raised his voice, "Kate, honey child, I want you to get a friggin tattoo of a microphone on your VA-GI-NA!, do you sabe VA-GI-NA! baby doll?"

Kate started laughing so hard she had to grab hold of her magic muffin to keep from peeing.

But she agreed to her boyfriend's request. At first Kate told Steven that she wanted for the tattoo artist to be blindfolded so that he would not see her pee pee (bikini taco).

Steven looked at her, took a strand of her blonde hair in his hand, shook his head and remarked, "Seriously Kate?...EF-FEN-SE-RI-OUS-LY?"

SIDENOTE: Kate ended up getting her biscuit tattooed. Steven got his way. And Pablo the tattooist got $17 plus a $4 dollar tip, a memorable beaver shot of the Kate Plus 8 star, and an autographed copy of Steven's latest CD titled Steven Tyler Sings The Songs of Susan Boyle.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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