Cheryl Cole And Derek Hough Disappear Together
Just when everybody thought it would be safe to emerge from hiding as the Cheryl Cole saga has been milked to the point of dehydration, and all the stories about the lovely Cheryl have been done, dusted and discarded... It starts up again. On t...
Read full storyWee Willy Winkie is still yelling through letterboxes late at night.
It's true, Wee Willie Winkie of Winchester has continued to ignore requests to stop running around the neighbourhood in his nightshirt, yelling through letterboxes. Parents of children living on the Winchester Woods housing estate are really at th...
Read full storyFarmer's wife jailed for cruelty to animals
A farmer's wife living in Devon, was arrested this morning for cruelty to animals. It is reported that she was upset at being chased around her kitchen by 3 blind mice. Being blind their sense of smell was heightened and they were able to locate...
Read full storySo You Think Easter is an Innocent Holiday
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Easter - According to a World Net Daily article by Joe Kovacs, Easter is a pagan ritual that will make you burn in hell. In fact, according to the author, even mentioning the name Easter is a sin worthy of death. In fact, the author, making a valiant attempt to save us from the evils of Easter puts his own salvation at risk by mentioning Easter 24 times. This brav...
Read full storyIsaiah "The Old Spice Man" Mustafa Named 'The Most Obnoxious Man In The World'
NEW YORK CITY - TV ClickerWorld Magazine has just announced that the actor who appears on the Old Spice Deodorant commercials has been voted as 'The Most Obnoxious Man In The World.' The ex-barbecue diner owner, Isaiah Mustafa, received 43,668 vot...
Read full storyE.T. was 37 years old when he befriended 10 year old Elliott - New book claims
To millions he was the rubber-necked, cuddly, alien youngster from a planet far, far away who was apparently abandoned on planet earth but was discovered and cared for by a young boy. However, a new book claims E.T. the Extra Terrestrial was a mature...
Read full storySandra Bullock Files For Divorce - She Keeps The Houses and The Cars, Jesse (James) Keeps His Tattooed Skanks
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Sandra Bullock, who it seems like two years ago won The Best Actress Oscar for the movie Blind Side has left her home in Austin and headed for The Left Coast to start divorce proceedings against her 'husband' Jesse "Dick With Feet"...
Read full storyCheryl Cole To Revert To Maiden Name
Ever one to keep abreast of changing times, rumour has it that Cheryl Cole will shortly announce that she is reverting to her Maiden Name of Tweedy, as part of her rehabilitation following the collapse of her marriage to broken-legged love-rat Ashley...
Read full storyObama Makes NASCAR Illegal by Stroking Off an Executive Order
DAYTONA BITCH, FL (ABSNN) -- President Barack Obama has declared NASCAR racing to be an "illegal assembly of frigging rednecks," as well a a "huge waste of fucking time and gasoline, and rubber," with one stroke of his mighty penIs he serious? "I...
Read full storyThe Devil Went Down To Georgia!
You can see our full colour photo spread in next month's magazine showing Satan's fun packed holiday in full colour. "I've been going abroad for my vacations recently, mainly in the Middle East but there's no place like home" beamed the behoofed K...
Read full storyPapal Bull rapes California Cow contest winner Kirsten in Vatican City
Blood and milk flowed in Vatican City when a papal bull, Barney, attacked and raped the winner of the Happy Cow contest; Kirsten. As everyone knows the happy cow was on a worldwide tour promoting the milk industry and the Vatican sought to improv...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus & Liam Hemsworth Come Out Of The Woods & Bushes
Miley Cyrus and her latest housemate were observed coming out of the bushes near Miley's parent's house in Toluca Lake, California over the weekend. They were spotted by a long distance camera but suspected something was up. Hemsworth made a mad b...
Read full storySenator McCain Won't Dance
Kicking off his dance slippers, Senator John McCain announced he won't dance for the rest of the year - Really? Still fuming about losing the Presidential election to Barack Obama, Senator McCain is in an added snit over passage of the Health Care...
Read full storySuper Spoofer, Earl Grey, dives for cover as terrorists attack Moscow!
The Spoof's main man in Moscow, fine English gentleman, distant relative of Kim Philby (but not Gay) and loves a cuppa, Earl Grey, had to dive for cover in Moscow after terrorists attempted to blow the decrepid underground into oblivion today. Sui...
Read full storyNew Raquel Welch Book Lists Names Of Partners
Raquel Welch's New Book, "Beyond The Cleavage" is a tell-all book about all the guys she has spent time with in bed. It might have been a shorter book if she had listed the ones that she did not bed. Now that she is almost 70, I guess she needs m...
Read full storyTwilight Mania Sparks Lost Boys Revival
The 1987 vampire movie The Lost Boys' has recently enjoyed a spectacular revival as Twilight fans spread their batwings and delve deeper into the vampire cache of years past. Undoubtedly sparked by the current mania for all things vampiric thanks...
Read full storyLewis Hamilton is a "Dickhead" this has been confirmed by another "Dickhead" an Australian minister!
What we all knew a long time ago has now been confirmed by another "Dickhead", an Australian minister (all politicians are), Lewis Hamilton, pretty-boy ex F1 champion is a DICKHEAD! After training at the F1 circuit in Melbourne, Lewis bombed out o...
Read full story"I'm not infallible" says Pope
When questioned regarding claims he allowed the cover-up of sexual abuse of children by clergymen in the United States and Europe when he was Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger and in addition his subsequent failure to take punitive action against abusive pri...
Read full storyProfessor Stephen Hawking's Time Machine friend arrested again
It has been reported today that Professor Stephen Hawking's best friend has been arrested for a crime that hasn't been committed yet. An eye witness said that Draconius was just about to push the button on his time machine that would take him bac...
Read full storyThe Vampire Diaries To Do Movies!
The Vampire Diaries series on CW are very much considering doing a movie, since the TV series is so hot with teens. The first movie of a hoped-for series of movies will be "The Vampire Diaries: Mystic Falls" and will stay closer to the book serie...
Read full storyObama's Mother Testifies From Grave: "Barack Born In Kenya"
As macabre as it might appear, Barack's mother has finally provided the conclusive evidence that her son was born in Kenya on August 4, 1961. Although Ann Dunham, Barack's mother, died in 1995, she has largely remained silent over the controversy co...
Read full storySarah Harding Furious At Nadine Coyle's Cheryl Cole Snub
It's common knowledge that Girls Aloud bikini-babe Sarah Harding will do almost anything to get a mention on a prestigious satirical website such as TheSpoof.com but it appears that today she's really scraping the barrel. In the wake of a story wh...
Read full storySubo's new residence
Susan has indeed purchased a new residence in Blackburn. My sources tell me that Scottish women are currently being interviewed to be hired as Susan look-alikes in an effort to fool fanatical stalkers. Look-alikes will have a tattoo of Pebble...
Read full storyHeather Mills' Cook Claims She Was Abused
A Bridlington woman who says she was once employed as Heather Mills' cook has claimed that she was subjected to sustained and monstrous abuse during her employment by the former Mrs McCartney Beatle. Gwendoline Flack, of Circumcision Terrace, Brid...
Read full storySusan Boyle and the mystery hollows
As mystery grows about the strange hollows behind the new home of Susan Boyle a local historian, Kenny McTavish, has explained the recent history of the land. Observant Susan Boyle fans are to be congratulated on their skills but need not be concerne...
Read full storyJimmy Hoffa Found Alive! Obama Makes Recess Appointment
Taking advantage of the Congressional recess and the absence of the Republicans in Keibasastan President Obama announced that Jimmy Hoffa had been found alive. In reaction to the news he immediately appointed the former Union boss to the position...
Read full storyLocal Man Turns The Heating Up Because It's Summer
Local man Martin Shuttlecock woke up this morning in an optimistic mood because he had the day off work and because it's summer! While long suffering wife Anne prattled on relentlessly over the phone to some equally relentless prattler, Shuttlecoc...
Read full storyNigella Lawson Gives Her Breasts A Rest - The Delicious Miss Dahl Steps In
Whilst nobody could sensibly argue that the BBC got it wrong in combining sex appeal and cooking, it could be argued that the BBC are struggling to maintain the standards they set so efficiently. Nigella Lawson became the first sex cook, and a jol...
Read full storyFashion Icon Arrested in Tortoise Incident
Alex McKing the renowned fashion designer is now facing animal cruelty charges. He was arrested today at his fashion show by Police accompanied by animal rights representatives. He apparently arrived at work wearing a tortoise shell as a hat. An...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner And Kate Beckinsale To Finance And Star In Indy Vampire Flick?
A Hollywood insider today revealed that Twilight trio, Pattinson, Stewart and Lautner had been involved in talks with Brit stunner Kate Beckinsale with a view to bankrolling and starring in their own Indy Vampire movie. It's thought that the quart...
Read full storyLongest Standing World Record Finally Broken
Education Secretary Ed's Balls has laid a twonker of a shite measuring in at 2 ft long and weighing in at 300 pounds achieving a new world record! Ed Mcsquirter from the Book of Records, who has been dead for nearly ten years, sensationally...
Read full storyHolly Willoughby - Much More Than A Beautiful Big Pair Of Breasts
Stars from the insular world of show business expressed mutual amazement that the This Morning presenter with the eye-boggling breasts, Holly Willoughby hasn't proven as popular among internet satirists as Cheryl Cole or Lady Gaga. Which seems str...
Read full storyIcelandic actress Anita Briem shows Ashley Cole her Camel Toe
Ashley Cole was astounded! He had heard stories about the very sexy Camel Toe before from his buddies, but never saw one himself up until last night! That's when his friend, actress Anita Briem surprised him by showing him a great big fat one! It...
Read full storyIceland's designers releases new neck tie line to honor fallen leader Saddam Hussein
Designer Bara Holmgeirsdorontii released his new fall lineup with a surprise addition - a Saddam Hussein designer neck tie line! Certain to raise a few eyebrows, as well as some ire, the Iraqi themed necktie line will be offered in various designe...
Read full storyPutin wounded In Moscow subway bombing; Flying vagina hits him in the head!
Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin has a collossal headache this morning after being pulled from the wreckage of a suicide bombed subway car. He was treated at the scene and left with a small bandage on his forehead and contusions on his face and nose caus...
Read full storyAmerican Senator Harry Reid's Big Boner Hurt Paris Hilton
American senate leader Harry Reid apologized today to one of France's greatest landmarks for errors he made while staying there last week. His press secretary stated, "Senator Reid is terribly sorry that a simple boner could cause so much trouble in...
Read full storyDavid Cameron recalls his days as a fag at Eton as he talks to factory workers about school discipline
In a speech, written by Bojo, Boris Johnson, Hairbrush Dave, recalled his fondness for his years spent at top Public School, Eton. Reminiscing about his days as a fag, he massaged his bum continuously. "If we stepped out of line, or when the S...
Read full storyMoscow suicide booby bombers: Mossad suspected
Moscow - (Booby Traps): Mossad's Dubai hit squad is suspected of being behind the specialist Thought Police brainwashing division that trained today's Moscow Metro terror attackers. Two heavily burkhaed 'Jihad Janes' were caught on CCTV seconds be...
Read full story'Hand Relief' Charity TV Event Announced - Celebrity Porn Extravaganza Set to Raise Millions
TV5 bosses tonight announced an evening of celebrity porn based programmes aimed at raising millions of pounds for the charity SIN (Slappers in Need). Hand Relief, which will air in late July, will include such treats as: - 'Celebrity Come doggin...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan puts Self Raising Flour on her feet
Lindsay Lohan was seen walking around a street in Los Angeles with white powder coming off her feet. She had just left a friends house and did not seem to notice she was leaving a trail of white powder as she walked along the street. Lohan wearing...
Read full storyLil Wayne Befriends Cheryl Cole
"A Milli" rapper, Lil Wayne, is said to have grown close to Cheryl Cole recently. The troubled Georgie, hurt by news of her husband, Chelsea FC star, Ashley Cole, cheating, is at the centre of a burgeoning romance with Lil Wayne. Weezy, real-name...
Read full storyCourt-marshalled for Guff Diving
Pilot Corporal Lance Longshaft of the 1st Battalion North Norfolk Regiment was convicted and striped of his duties yesterday when found guilty of a dangerous flying offence. It's believed Longshaft was half way through flying his Chinook Helicopter i...
Read full storyBarack Obomber is a terrorist name
The President of the USA Barack Obomber is being urged to change his name because his name sounds like that of a terrorist. Lets examine this, for example if we look at Barrack in the dictionary, it means to shout against, jeer at. Then Obomber is...
Read full story"Hillary and I have a special relationship.." - The Special Relationship
When Gordon Brown landed in Washington DC, for an annual White House visit, last Friday, it was thought that he and President Obama would discuss politics, and come up with innovative strategies to tackle the economic downturn. Well, perhaps, that...
Read full storyRupert Murdoch is an Illuminati says Rupert The Bear
Rupert The Bear launched a scathing attack on Rupert Murdoch today accusing him of being a top member of the Illuminati or New World Order. If we look at the bare facts Rupert might be right that is Rupert the Bear might be right,that other Rupert wi...
Read full storyFURIOUS Naomi Campbell LASHES OUT in Mid-Flight DRAMA
SHORT-FUSED supermodel Naomi Campbell once again showed her VILE TEMPER when she SNAPPED in public subjecting cabin crew and passengers on a mid-Atlantic flight to a TERRIFYING DISPLAY of TEMPESTUOUS ANGER! The ORDEAL began when Ms Campbell, who i...
Read full storyPeter Andre Sick Of Media Attention
Furious popstar, Peter Andre, has lashed out at the media in an astonishing tirade. The "Mysterious Girl" singer, 37, claims to be fed upof the public sympathy he has received, since his split with glamour-model, Jordan. Jordan, (real name Katie P...
Read full storyAl Gore claims the Sun will come out tomorrow
Al Gore the Global Warming bore,has got more letters than Santa Clause gets at Christmas,as millions of people are getting more and more annoyed with his temperature change forecasts. Al Gore has replied to his critics by saying The Sun will come out...
Read full storyChanging of the guard delayed
The world famous changing of the guard outside Buckingham Palace in London, England, was delayed on Sunday when the Royal House Cavalry forgot that British Summer Time was starting and had not reset their clocks. This event that takes place every...
Read full storyAl Gore gets letter from Wee Jimmy Whyman
Al Gore the guy responsible for making half the population of the World believe in Global Warming, has received a letter from Wee Jimmy Whyman the 5 year old boy who has never ending questions that most adults find it difficult to answer. In his l...
Read full storyHow To Make Life Even More Miserable For The Downtrodden And Unemployed
The following procedures are already being followed by millions of your fellow human beings in minor positions of power: If you are a big employer be sure to lay off people rather than let the shareholders take a hit on their stocks. Business is always more important than people. If you are a bank or financial institution since you are not making investments in this recession cannibalize you...
Read full storyFrenzy Heightens and Search Intensifies for Euro Lottery Claimant Still Unidentified!
The search continues tonight after it was announced that a UK resident had claimed the $59.5M Euro Millions jackpot, but has refused to 'come clean' about his identity. Meanwhile, the frenzy continues around a chip shop and pub in Portsmouth where supposedly the winning ticket was purchased by an unassuming man, a regular man by all accounts, and a man many think was the lucky winner. "Liste...
Read full storyTaylor Swift, Taylor Lautner, Selena Gomez, Kanye West, And Jesse James Take Home Kid's Choice Awards
LOS ANGELES - There were more kids at UCLA's Paul Bunyan Pavilion for The 23rd Annual Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards than at a picnic outing of OctoMom, Brad and Angelina, Madonna, and Kate Gosselin's combined brood of brats. The evenings host Kan...
Read full storyJesse James Has Reportedly Been Seen In The Company Of One Of "The Real Housewives of Intercourse, Pennsylvania"
INTERCOURSE, Pennsylvania - Sandra Bullock's (somewhat) husband, Jesse "Look At My Crotch" James has reportedly been seen in the company of the high-priced call girl of The Real Housewives of Intercourse, Pennsylvania, Tessie Cashmere. A close fri...
Read full storyX-Factor's Dannii Minogue To Be Replaced By Vanessa Perroncel
LONDON - Simon Cowell has announced that he has nothing against pregnant women, but he does have something against a pregnant woman who just happens to be a judge on his highly successful TV reality show X-Factor. Cowell, who is engaged to former...
Read full storyJesus and Mohammed Appear in Haiti to Promote the Apocalypse
The wine flowed in pace with the bread and fish in Leogone Haiti today. Jesus served the multitudes while Mohammed moved the mountains of debris from the earthquake ravaged country to the delight of the deserving population whose hopelessness is seco...
Read full storyPrincess Diana Would Have Been A Big Pixie Lott Fan Claims Pixie Lott Fan
A dedicated fan of the British actress/singer and all-round mega-talent Pixie Lott today claimed that if Princess Diana was still around today, then she would without doubt be a massive Pixie Lott fan. Charlene Degbroth 22, from Luton, claimed tha...
Read full storyScots Take Exception To Saddam Hussein Haggis Revelations
A new book claiming that Saddam Hussein was a massive devotee of the Scottish delicacy, haggis, has provoked outrage in the English colony. A spokesman from the Kirkentilloch Kilt Society claimed that the contents of the book constituted a concert...
Read full storyBill O'Reilly Found Sleeping In Liverpool Bus Shelter
A man thought to be the famous US broadcaster Bill O'Reilly was found sleeping in a bus shelter in Liverpool, England - home of the Beatles and the Grand National horse race - in the early hours of this morning. In a bizarre twist, the man who fou...
Read full storyKeira Knightley Attends Disabled Weightlifting Display In Dagenham
Pirates Of The Caribbean star Keira Knightley yesterday attended a display of weightlifting by the disabled in a Basildon community hall. The English rose herself watched intently as four disabled people - all from Dagenham - tackled a variety of...
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