Heather Mills' Cook Claims She Was Abused

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Monday, 29 March 2010

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Bridlington - Yeah, Right...

A Bridlington woman who says she was once employed as Heather Mills' cook has claimed that she was subjected to sustained and monstrous abuse during her employment by the former Mrs McCartney Beatle.

Gwendoline Flack, of Circumcision Terrace, Bridlington, now a barmaid and part-time prostitute related how she was forced to start work at 3:30am by combing Mills' pubic hair while Mills slept.

Flack went on to claim that most of her duties had nothing to do with cooking, and that most of them actually entailed actions of a graphically sexual nature.

"I was very naive at the time," Flack told reporters.

Other allegations made by Flack included being forced to suckle Mills' nipples while wearing purple lipstick, ensure a constant and sterile supply of transparent rubber butt-plugs with silver glitter floating about in them, and insertion and removal of said butt-plugs with her teeth.

Flack alleged that lesbian sex orgies were a twice daily occurrence, and that she herself was often forced to have a butt-plug with a horse's tail type attachment inserted into her own anus before being ruthlessly flogged with a cat o' nine tails by big butch lesbians.

Flack also alleged that she was forced to suck strange men's cocks in pub car parks for money as part of Mills' twisted coterie.

It should be pointed out that Gwendoline Flack appeared to be very drunk when she made her statement, and that Heather Mills has never to our knowledge lived in Bridlington, although there are suspicions that she may have visited the town on a day trip as a child.

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