INTERCOURSE, Pennsylvania - Sandra Bullock's (somewhat) husband, Jesse "Look At My Crotch" James has reportedly been seen in the company of the high-priced call girl of The Real Housewives of Intercourse, Pennsylvania, Tessie Cashmere.
A close friend of Jesse's, Truckler "Bubba" Cowbrook told CNN that there is no way that Jesse would even give Cashmere a second look for three reasons.
One, Tessie Cashmere does not have any tattoos. None. Second, Cashmere is a very classy lady who conducts herself in a feminine, dainty, and lady like manner, unlike the muchly tattooed carnival worker looking skanks that Jesse seems to gravitate to. And third, Cashmere is a high-priced call girl and everyone who knows Jesse knows that he is one of the cheapest guys in the entire U.S.
One of his employees once remarked that Jesse James was so cheap that he recycled condoms.
James has even been known to rinse out Kleenex, buy expired bottle water at a discount, and eat breakfast cereal with tap water instead of milk.
When asked point blank if he was involved with Tessie Cashmere in any way, shape, or form, Jesse paused for a second and asked, "Well it depends on what your definition of shape is."
SIDENOTE: Sandra Bullock is presently staying at the Orlando, Florida mansion (Casa Sissy Britches) of gay former 'N Sync member Lance Bass. Lance says that he does not give a tinker's damn that Bullock's boobicles are virtually non-existent.
