How To Make Life Even More Miserable For The Downtrodden And Unemployed

Funny story written by rfreed

Monday, 29 March 2010

image for How To Make Life Even More Miserable For The Downtrodden And Unemployed
Look, he still has a few cents! Rob him!

The following procedures are already being followed by millions of your fellow human beings in minor positions of power:

If you are a big employer be sure to lay off people rather than let the shareholders take a hit on their stocks. Business is always more important than people.

If you are a bank or financial institution since you are not making investments in this recession cannibalize your own customers more for services. Sneak in extra charges when you can. Siphon off as much as possible from them. They are poorer and not as financially savvy as regular bank people so they will not make as much of a fuss. Also be sure to continue to foreclose on houses and properties even though they will stand empty and will be vandalized. It will still give you a wonderful sense of empowerment and control over other people. Plus you can sneak that hot secretary over to an empty property for a quick bit of fun.

If you are a city manager or in the law enforcement business be sure to ignore or push around homeless people. They don't have any power, so why be nice to them? They are also an eyesore to those upper class and business people who so control the economy that it creates homeless people in the first place. They don't need to see them rotting slowly on the city streets that they now own. Who knows when the sight of them might trigger some unknown, long forgotten sense of conscience inside and make them do something for them that might actually cost money?

If you a State Unemployment worker be sure to make the system of getting unemployment as difficult as possible. Harass those needing the benefits as much as possible by docking their money if they move or if they accidentally give you inaccurate information. If they find a few hours casual labor be sure to dock their benefits to keep them at a desperate survival level. If they do the least little thing wrong in filing a claim dock their check until they spend hours trying to contact you in the during the small window that your office is open to fielding calls. This way they will die off quicker and leave more money in the system to pay your higher than normal office worker wages. If done right their whole family will starve off and the there will be even more money to use for your annual paid vacations and retirement!

If you are a business be sure to advertise for jobs that you do not have a present need for just to keep a stock of applications on hand. This way those needing a job will waste their time coming in and filling out applications thus prolonging the time it will take them to get a real job.

If you are a health care facility be sure to reject those who have no insurance. In their weakened condition they probably won't be able to hold a job that gives benefits anyway. This way they will die off earlier and save you a lot of trouble and will spare medicine for patients that can afford your exorbitant costs.

If you are a governmental taxing agency be sure to tax people at least twice on any income they have. For instance after some one pays income tax and then puts his earnings into a savings account be sure to tax any interest he makes on that as well. By all means tax people on their unemployment checks! Can't have people having to much money now, can we? Tax them also on any perks they may have gotten during the year such as tips or prize money that they have won. And God forbid should anyone barter anything with anyone and not pay tax on it! Why, that would be like stealing from the government!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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