Written by Mr Anorchristic

Monday, 29 March 2010

image for Longest Standing World Record Finally Broken
Ed's Balls Having His Arsehole Sown Up Yesterday

Education Secretary Ed's Balls has laid a twonker of a shite measuring in at 2 ft long and weighing in at 300 pounds achieving a new world record!

Ed Mcsquirter from the Book of Records, who has been dead for nearly ten years, sensationally arose from the grave yesterday and personally awarded Ed's Balls with a vocational NVQ Level Two, in '' Talking Shite''.

Mcsquirter, who has a twin brother, no relation, said yesterday that: ''Ed's Balls has made history with this gargantuan shite... by cutting nearly 1bn from the education budget, he has beaten Gordon Brownhole the previous record holder, who cut 4bn from the defence budget and had a shite weighing in at a massive 290 lbs which was 1 ft long...''

Recently Ed's Balls and Gordon Brownhole's record for ''Talking Shite'' was challenged by The Chancellor of the Exchequer, Alistair Darling in his recent budget which was full of ''Shite'' but lacked the length and weighed in at only 250 lbs inc VAT.

Ed's Balls, who was trained and groomed by Hitler look alike and power mad, greedy bum flusher, Business Secretary, Lord Peter Handle's Son, said yesterday that: ''I am proud that I have laid the biggest shite in history...by laying off thousands of teachers and restricting young people from deprived backgrounds into higher education, I have managed to squeeze out the bumper shite and saved New Britain and New Labour ''.

Recently thousands of University Lecherers were laid off in a massive cull that has left them working in checkouts up and down the country as they struggle to make ends meet and letch on young vulnerable first year degree students.

A spokesperson for Education Secretary Ed's Balls said in a press statement yesterday that ''Mr Balls was not available for comment'' as he was ''having his arsehole and mouth sown up'' as the shite would not stop flowing.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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