New Apple iPhone 4 x 4 Ruggedized Version Available Soon
A new ruggedized version of Apple's iPhone 4 has been announced which promises all the same features and functionality, but in a tougher shell. The iPhone 4x4 is less than three millimetres wider, longer and thicker than the standard iPhone, but it...
Read full storyKristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, and Miley Cyrus To Star in "The Vindictive Vuvuzela Vampires"
CLEVELAND - Gunther Krottentokker, the producer of the new motion picture from Cripple Creek Pictures The Vindictive Vuvuzela Vampires, has said that he has signed Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, and Miley Cyrus to appear in the movie based on the...
Read full story"Touchdown Jesus" Slain While Seeking Medical Attention
After an hours-long standoff outside a hospital in Southwestern Ohio, it appears that the much beloved icon "Touchdown Jesus" has died from wounds inflicted by local police and sheriffs' deputies, as well as a National Guard unit that was called to t...
Read full storyGap Employs 2,700 Indonesian Children to make black tee shirts for Anderson Cooper
Jakarta - Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono, president of Indonesia has designated 15 elementary schools in and around downtown Jakarta to immediately stop all academic activities and begin full time in the processing the black ink and fabric required to make...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Still Alive? Retired Police Coroner Still Says "That Was Not Michael Jackson!"
In a new book scheduled for release this November, a police coroner is going to make his case that the body he examined was not that of Michael Jackson, unless there were two. Doctor John Holcom once again is telling people his lab results. He...
Read full storyRush Limbaugh Kills New Wife's Puppy!
Rush Limbaugh's fourth marriage has gotten off to a rocky start after only a little over a week. Apparently he has killed his new wife's puppy that his brother, David, had given her for the occasion of their marriage. "Stupid David had to give her...
Read full storyPresident Brobama Gives An Oval Office Address and Says "We Be Fixin' Dis Oil Spill Purt Damn Soon Y'all"
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Barack "Barry" Obama gave what will certainly go down as one of his shortest prime time television speeches of his administration. President Brobama, as he was nicknamed by Louisiana stand up comedian Zydeco Dupree, sa...
Read full storyMore Flight Chaos Averted!
The 06:30 New York to London flight finally landed at Heathrow Airport this evening after a delay of three days. Passengers cheered as they walked off the plane, some of them kissing the tarmac. A number of passengers had to be carried off and wer...
Read full storyNasa warns of 'huge space storm' whens the sun wakes from its slumber - the world's only true prophet, Ronald Weinland, is said to be laughing his socks off
Could this be a coincidence? Nasa warns of a huge space storm somewhere around 2013, which will cause devestation to the earth. Space agency scientists believe that when the sun 'wakes from its slumber' it will send out huge solar flares headin...
Read full storyGuardian's Lost in Showbiz Editor, Marina Hyde, gets Lost in Showbiz
Marina Hyde,(61) prolific journalist and editor of Friday's popular Guardian G2 section 'Lost in Showbiz' column, has, unfortunately found herself, lost in showbiz. Surrounding herself continuously with footballers, music celebrities, TV presente...
Read full storyMegan Fox To Marry Lover, Brian Austin Green
Yesterday, a representative for actress Megan Fox announced that Megan is getting married to her long time lover, Brian Austin Green. "They say they're in love and enjoy having sex together so they thought it was about time they got married", stat...
Read full storyApple to Release Newest Game Changer
Apple (AAPL) CEO Steve Jobs could hardly contain himself at a press conference early Tuesday when he unveiled the newest ridiculously super awesome Apple product "Ladies and Gentleman, we've done it again, I'm here to announce to you today that you n...
Read full storyDiddy to Announce His Retirement From Doing Nothing
New York - Breaking news today out of the "Big Apple" as superstar famous guy P.Diddy announced that he would be retiring from the strenuous life of showing up places and promoting himself. The announcement sent shock waves through the community, som...
Read full storyBlack Males Stunned as White Female Announces She Will "Go Back" to Dating White Guys
Birmingham, MI - Racial relations in the United States of America took a major twist early Tuesday morning, as Rachel Barker, a high school student from Birmingham who had recently "Gone Black," made the unprecedented decision to "Go Back" to dating...
Read full storyLocal Man Jailed For Lack of "Swag"
Early Wednesday in Detroit, Michigan it was reported that Keyshaun Williams was arrested on charges that stemmed from his continual "lack of swag." Wayne County Prosecutor Kym L. Worthy was adamant in her defense of the arrest "Detroit is known ar...
Read full storyThe 5 Stages of Twitter
1. Denial "What is this bullshit? This is stupid; Twitter isn't anything more then a glorified facebook status. Why on Earth would I spend my whole day writing about all of the things I'm doing? Nobody cares about you; nobody cares about what you're doing. I already have 4 other social networking sites to keep track of my friends and hot people I noticed. Why would I need to know every single t...
Read full storyFriends Won't Believe Local Man's Relationship Until They See it on Facebook
Detroit, Mich. - A local man is reaching out to the community in hopes that it will convince his friends that he is indeed in a relationship with an attractive female. Bingham Farms resident Peter Jefferson, a handsome mid 20's business type, began d...
Read full storySimon Cowell has operation
Mr Cowell was in fine form after his surgery to raise his hip bones. Asked why he had taken such drastic measures, Simon replied; "I wanted to change my image, no longer will people be able to comment on my waist high trousers....I havent got one any...
Read full storyFormer Detroit Mayor Lands "Dove" Endorsement
Detroit, MI - In perhaps the most surprising decision in recent marketing history, Dove, America's largest personal care brand, has selected embattled former Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick as their new spokesperson. Kilpatrick, who is best known for...
Read full storyPlane Lands Safely In Gulf Of Mexico
A captain for Virgin Airlines is being called a bozo..?.. a Hero for landing his malfunctioning airplane in the waters of the Gulf of Mexico. Captain Phil Majors of Newark, New Jersey had just taken off from the Tampa area with 600 plus people abo...
Read full storyMiley's Upskirt Photo Was Faked! She Was Really Wearing Little Mermaid Panties
Perez Hilton has admitted that his upskirt photo of Miley Cyrus was faked. The picture, which was posted with her crotch pixilated to hide "her goodies," actually showed Miley wearing panties. Hilton says that he posted it as a joke. The better...
Read full storyTiger Woods admits "I'm getting back in the groove!"
After his long "lay off" and desperate attempt to get some form? Tiger is now confident "he's really finding the groove once again." The reason for this sudden 'upsurge' is the 'swing' in his hips is back and he's swivelling just like he used too...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Vagina Stories Headline Five Out Of Six!
In the headline ratings, it seems that the Miley Cyrus Vagina are now in over 80% of them. Saying that this was a shame for other Headline Seekers like Adam Lambert, Lady Gaga and the whole crew of the Twilight series, Miley simply laughed it off.
Read full storyLas Cruces Extends Madrid Street Through Flood Plain and Earthen Dam
Las Cruces, New Mexico has announced that the extended Madrid street will open next week. Madrid was extended from Fairbanks avenue, through a now demolished earthen dam, and across a flood plain. It will now connect with Triviz street and the city...
Read full storyBBC 'Buzz Off' World Cup
Fans may soon have the option to cut out the sound of the vuvuzela horns when watching the World Cup on TV. The BBC is investigating ways of transmitting an alternative feed of matches on the red button which would limit the buzzing sound made by...
Read full storyTwilight Ending To Be Split Into Two Parts
The final episode of Twilight, "Breaking Dawn" will be split into two installments say the actors. "We all had certain places for the first installment to end and the last one to begin but I think Kristen's idea is the best one", stated star Rober...
Read full storyGore to EA Sports: "Get It Right"
EA Sports, the manufacturer of popular, realistic sports video and action games for all gaming platforms, is set to release its newest installment of the NCAA Football franchise later this summer. In the words of the game's color announcer, ESPN's...
Read full storyRupert Murdoch Running for AZ Governor
Phoenix, AZ - Arizona's embattled Governor, Jan Brewer, has caught the ire of Rupert Murdoch, media mogul extraordinaire, who says that he is sick and tired putting his money behind people who go one toke over the line, ruining it for other fundament...
Read full storyHelicopters, Hovercraft and Jump Jets - all banned from the Prom
A parent has been stopped from sending their child to her school Prom by helicopter after councillors refused to give permission for it to land on school property. It is now thought that in order to circumvent the ban, the 11 year-old girl will abse...
Read full storyTransvestite Hooker Nuns Exposed
While Catholic leadership struggles to cling to what might be left of their tepid public image, a new scandal involving the recruitment and indoctrination of transvestite prostitutes into the Sisterhood has shocked the entire world, except San Franci...
Read full storyVuvuzela banned - stadiums at risk of collapse
The Loftus Versfeld stadium is in serious danger of collapse if too many Vuvuzela horns are brought to the South Africa v Uruguay game tonight. Structural engineers have stated that the resonance of the deafening horns is strong enough to set up a...
Read full storyGary "Dog" Faulkner Caught with Ancient Sword Intended for Anti-Christ
In a real life scene right out of a "Rambo Meets The Omen," Colorado construction worker Gary Faulkner was detained in Pakistan with several weapons, the most conspicuous of which was a 40-inch sword, which he intended to use to decapitate Osama bin...
Read full storyBanksy Stencils Image onto Obama's Earlobe as he Sleeps
The White House today unveiled details of a security breach that occurred over the previous weekend, when British born graffitti artist, Banksy climbed through Obama's bedroom window during the early hours. Banksy, who originates from Bristol in t...
Read full storyObesity: A Cure for Climate Change?
Special to INS - The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) has released the results of a study that sees worldwide obesity as key to reducing carbon emissions and halting climate change. Spokesman Offenscus Contradiscu said that ". . . the...
Read full storyObama says BP behind 9/11 atrocity
Washington AC/DC - (Crude Rhetoric Mess): Baseless in law and mired in econutters' 9/11 conspiracy theories. That's the feedback from US Big Oil attorneys who today dismissed President Obama's attempts to illegally seize BP shareholder billion$ as...
Read full storyCivilisation as we know it will end in 2013 - NASA
Before you all piss your pants with worry and declare your love to your next door neighbour before its all over, NASA are simply referring to our civilisation from an electrical prospective! Yes, those boffins in the US enjoy issuing these types...
Read full storyEU Food Labelling - Nanny's back!
"In an age of obesity and heart disease it is wrong that we cannot give people the information they need to make informed choices about what they eat." we are told by fat bureaucrats. Well don't worry missus, millions of people have already made t...
Read full storyObama Stops Oil Spill
Barack Obama stopped the oil spill this morning. The President donned scuba gear, swam down to the ocean floor, and closed off the leak using duct tape and chewing gum. White House press secretary Robert Gibbs explained that the President had been...
Read full storyFootball fans drafted in to protect World Cup squads from rioting security guards
World Cup chiefs have introduced drastic new security measures as South African stadium guards rioted over their poor pay deal. From now on, every fan arriving at matches will be issued with a heavy duty vuvuzela and instructed to keep crazed securit...
Read full storyDerek Acorah showcases his new combi-printer
The incredibly talented and hunky psychic, Derek Acorah, unveiled his new printer to the world's press this morning. This printer also scans, photocopies and faxes, but does it all without wires. There are no wires at all, not even to plug it in.
Read full story'Crowning' EDF extracted from government 'money' orifice
Energy companies, like banks are famous for brown-nosing the government to meet their objectives. Not long ago of course gas and electricity were government run but since they have been sold off to europe, Fritz and Pierre have learnt that 'preaching...
Read full storyMan Who Always Stood for Something, Finally Takes a Seat!
The World didn't take note, but an average man, a caring man, a man who always gave his best, a man who always stood for something, finally took a seat today. The man was of average height, average weight, with average features, a man with no disc...
Read full storyFrisco Men Must Display Sperm Counts on Zippers
Next week, The San Francisco City Council will require all men between the ages of 12 and 80 to post their most recent sperm count on their zippers so that the women of that quaint City by the Bay will be able to decide more intelligently who's the m...
Read full storyHow tidy are you?
The government has developed a 'tidiness' grading system similar to how wind strength is measured at sea. A home office minister explained "F1 is utterly benign and pretty rare, F4 to F8 is typical say in autumn, and F12 is terrifying and dangero...
Read full storyDerry faces lawyer famine
After 12 bountiful years of the 'Bloody Sunday' enquiry, lawyers are packing up their wigs and heading for the next 'bulge bracket' trial probably in Strasbourg - leaving Derry the poorer for it. The hoteliers association said "Its been a great fe...
Read full storyBank of England to cap mortgages
When going to the polls voters always dream, as new labour put it, - "things can only get better" but then this is the method by which everything is 'packaged' these days. How gulliable are we? Just bought your car insurance? - Oh dear, you could...
Read full storyPenelope on Government
'What's a Coalition Mummy' asked Penelope in a distracted way. 'That's when two different groups get together when they are not always in agreement.' 'Like you and Daddy?' 'Sort of. But we are just two people, not two groups.' 'But you have a Coalition, because Daddy is a Conservative and you are a Liberal Democrat.' 'Yes, in that way we do get on even with our different opinions.'...
Read full storyNudity and Drama at the World Cup
Teams in the World Cup are preparing for a new approach to the competition which will eliminate the shirt tugging spoiling much of the artistry of the game. After considering players taking part without shirts, FIFA realized that shorts would be p...
Read full storyChapter 4 The Collaboration - The Land of Smiles and Beyond!
I received a telegram whilst in the middle of my breakfast of fried pigs blood, and various minced spices, which we call "larb loo-it" here in the southeast of Thailand. I was sweating already, but at least it was the pepper not the hot season heat and humidity this early in the day. "What the bloody hell is Erskin up to now I?" I said to no one in-particular except for two gingko lizards and...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Vagina To Be Used To Cap BP Oil Leak
You just can't keep Miley Cyrus out of the news this week, and now the pop superstar has even made her way into the International Business sections after she was approached by BP with a view to helping to cap the Gulf of Mexico oil leak with her vagi...
Read full storyRob Pattinson Prepares for Untimely Death
Former Banality Fair cover star Robert Pattinson went on Timeline to talk about the twilight of his career and his unfortunate demise in the year 2016. "I guess I just thought if too many good things happen, then you're gonna die at 30," said the...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Vagina To Be Open To Public From Tomorrow
The overwhelming success over the last few days of the Miley Cyrus Vagina stories on the satirical news website TheSpoof.com, have prompted the superstar to announce that, from tomorrow, the public will be allowed to visit the vagina, and to have a w...
Read full storySex keeps women sane
After comparing the genomes of more than three women, Eyam Bonquers of the Paris Institute for Science and Baloney has found a gene on the X-Chromosome that is suppressed during sex. Although the study is in the preliminary stages, it would appear th...
Read full storyAdam Lambert To Tour UK - We Can't Wait
News that US pop star Adam Lambert is to tour the UK with his slightly tweaked US show this autumn have hardly set the country alight with unbridled enthusiasm. It appears that among most Brits, the feeling is pretty much - ho-hum. Yeah right. Did...
Read full storyJesus Guilty Of Arson?
A 19 metres tall and 12 metres wide statue of Jesus Christ no longer stands after Jesus' relative, Mother Nature, was alleged to have been called in to "strike it down". In Ohio, locals were at a loss why a lightening strike choose there treasured...
Read full storyPresident Obama: I am actually white
Washington, D.C - President of the United States Barack Obama made a shocking statement to the press on Tuesday night around 9pm stating " I am a man of honesty, I can not keep this secret any longer. Americans, I am not black, I am actually white."...
Read full storyDon't Worry - End Of The World At Least Three Years Away
NASA scientists were quick to reassure the world's population that we don't face imminent doom just yet. We've got at least until 2013 before the brown stuff hits the fan. The apparent problem is a cyclical increase in sunspot and solar storm a...
Read full storySh*t - That'll Cost You 100 Dollars!
Queensland, one of the many State's in Australia is to introduce a no-swearing policy, with on the spot fines of 100 dollars - F*ck! (That's 100 dollars, thanks) The bold move comes as the Queensland Government looks at ways to clean the air space...
Read full storyWorld Cup - Cristiano Ronaldo Demonstrates Why Nobody Likes Him
It was a game many were eagerly anticipating, Didier Drogba's Ivory Coast against Cristiano Ronaldo's Portugal. Alas, it was not to be. Cristiano Ronaldo, the £80 million Real Madrid striker continued to frustrate the fans by falling on his ars...
Read full storyThe Madonna - Clay Aiken Feud Finally Ends After Madonna Kicks Him In His "Pubic" Region
BROOKLYN - The highly charged Madonna and Clay Aiken Feud appears to have ended. A spokesperson for Clay Aiken said that the 51-year-old uncivilized has-been Madonna kicked Clay in his "pubic" region. [EDITOR'S NOTE: Madonna actually kicked Aiken...
Read full storyCarl Paladino endorsed by Schumer
Carl Paladino picked up a key endorsement today from Democratic Senator Chuck Schumer. Paladino, a Tea Party Republican, is running for Governor in New York. Speaking at the Ellicott Center in Buffalo, Schumer spoke warmly of the candidate: "Carl...
Read full storyAl Gore and Laurie "Save A Tree" David Have Had A Two Year Global Warming Affair
KANSAS CITY - Al Gore was the guest speaker at a convention for The Omaha Steak Providers Coalition Alliance. The group, which was founded in 1869, is responsible for providing more steaks to the entire world that the next ten leading steak provi...
Read full storyCoen Brothers' "O Sister is that You?" Hits Theaters in July
The eagerly awaited sequel to the hit movie "O Brother Where Art Thou" is finally a reality. "O Sister is that You?" picks up where the original left off, somewhere in the Mississippi backwoods. George Clooney reprises his role as Everett Ulysses McG...
Read full storyMonkey Woods And Abel Rodriguez To Work On Miley Cyrus' Vagina Collaboration
Two amateur writers from the well-known satirical news website, TheSpoof.com, are to join forces to write 'the Mother of all Sh*t Stories' on the subject which is seemingly closest to everyone's heart at the moment, Miley Cyrus' Vagina. The scribb...
Read full storyPlucky North Korea Stun The Boys From Brazil
People predicted a walkover in this game for the magnificent Brazilians, but it didn't quite work out as planned. From the outset, Korea - who train in a public gymnasium - looked like they meant business. Even as the teams lined up for the nation...
Read full storyFun With Radium - Astonishing Research Findings
TV researcher Byron Shelley was checking his facts out as he worked on a TV project when he discovered some amazing facts about radium. He found that radium - a highly toxic radioactive isotope - had been used in an astonishing variety of products...
Read full storyGeeks Unlikely To Get Laid This Decade Come Up With New Contraceptives: Ray Guns
The Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation dropped nearly $100,000 on an idea of using ultrasound as a temporary and reversible male contraceptive. Sounds fancy, doesn't it? Let's rephrase. Bill Gates gave someone a 100Gs to blast your balls with supers...
Read full storyConsumers: iPad Not as Absorbent as Leading Pad.
Consumers are weighing in on the latest offering from Steve Jobs, Inc., and they are not happy. In a recent marketing survey, 89% of iPad users found that it wasn't any more absorbent than the leading pad. Further, 97% said they continued to have tha...
Read full storyWaste review to lead to household 'slop buckets'.
The powers that be, in England, are ready to demand that residents recycle all left over vegetables and meat rather than throw them out in their wheelie bins. This includes all cooked foods. This news has murderers and 'would be murderers' quak...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Vagina Now Biggest Source Of 'Income' For Spoof Writer
It might not be the way she, herself, makes money, but the vagina belonging to superstar Miley Cyrus certainly has been the most successful way that one Spoof writer has been racking up points of late. The writer, me, wrote his first story on this...
Read full story"It Hurts, Dawg!" Randy Jackson Hospitalized With Chest Pains
Randy Jackson, the man who has been farting into the rightmost judge's chair since American Idol began defiling the airwaves in 1933, and who allegedly tea-bagged Ryan Seacrest on more occasions than he can count, has been rushed via really, really b...
Read full storyLetters From Away to UK Tourist Bureau
Dear Sir/Madam I am looking forward to visiting your country with great anticipation. Being from Iowa, I am familiar with crop circles, and wonder if you could tell me when the next ones might appear, and if they'll be close to the Cotswold. Since my husband is a big Iowa Hawkeye fan, if you talk to those circle people, could they do our mascot "Herkey the Hawk' for my husband Scott, he wo...
Read full storyGary Coleman's Scummy Ex-wife Gets Even Scummier: Coleman Did Not Want to Have the Plug Pulled!
President Obama: "I can't WAIT for this dips-it to get indicted, allegedly." - Super scummy sleaze monster Shannon Price - whose parents CNN has reported are Molly Ringwald and 1977 Kentucky Derby Winner Seattle Slew -- has lowered the bar yet again.
Read full storyKen Griffey, Jr. Sleeps Through Hall Of Fame Induction, Breaks Hand Collecting Trophy.
Ken Griffey, Jr., the Mariners/Reds/White Sox/Mariners outfielder, who took a sh-t on his Hall of Fame career by getting injured every f-cking year, has endured yet another embarrassment. Similar to the incident earlier this month in Seattle, wher...
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