Local Man Jailed For Lack of "Swag"

Funny story written by TheFrogBlogg

Wednesday, 16 June 2010


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Early Wednesday in Detroit, Michigan it was reported that Keyshaun Williams was arrested on charges that stemmed from his continual "lack of swag." Wayne County Prosecutor Kym L. Worthy was adamant in her defense of the arrest

"Detroit is known around the country for being cool, I mean sure we have entire films dedicated to showing how desecrated the city is and comedians have been recently comparing it to Haiti and you can literally get AIDS from watching our professional football team but if you're out of town and you tell people you're from Detroit, after you ensure them you're not joking, it gets you a certain amount of respect" explained a visibly stoned Worthy. "I have to do everything within my power to ensure safety in this area, I just can't have people like Keyshaun walking around the city so 'swag-less,' I mean you're telling me if you and your crew saw this cat you wouldn't just stomp his face in?"

Others around the city were not so pleased. Local TJ Maxx franchise owner Jamal Stinson said he needs people like Keyshaun to keep his business going "Who da hell else is going to buy Shaq shoes?" Stinson said. "Look, I sell entire outfits for that quick $20, if ya'll start lockin people up for wearing this shit, how can I feed my family? When asked why he doesn't wear the clothes himself if he feels so strongly about the subject, Stinson exclaimed "And look like that weak ass ni**a? I'd rather kill myself."

Williams' lawyer was also critical of the decision. "Just because my client thinks it's acceptable to wear NIKE sweatpants with a Platinum FUBU jersey that says Ruff Rydaz on the back of it and has Muhammad Ali's face in place of the numbers, does not make it a crime!"

Initially the NAACP was split on the decision "While we hate to see one of our own people prosecuted, tried and convicted for such an egregious crime, I mean c'mon, Shaq Shoes!?! We can't condone havin brothas walk around like that, what's next, we're gonna start listening to Hammer again?"

The trial is currently planned to start early February and the verdict is sure to send shockwaves through the community regardless of the outcome. If Williams is found guilty for the crime, it would set a standard for Swag laws around the country and would almost certainly put every K-Mart and TJ Maxx out of business.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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