Love and Marriage? - OK Yah!
As little as 2 generations ago (or 3 if you're on benefits), you had to get married in the UK in order to sleep with someone 'publicly'. Of course there were all sorts of shenanigans during the war but right up until the benefits windfall of '83, men...
Read full storySarah Palin Loses the "It's Me or the Dog" Argument with Bristol
Sarah Palin has finally thrown down the gauntlet to her daughter Bristol and has told her, if you marry that dog, I'm not going to attend the wedding. "See how many people come to your wedding when they find out I won't be in attendance," Palin is sa...
Read full storyBP Alters Images On Screen Of Supposedly Live Shot Of Leak
John Aribotis of Americablog was the first guy who caught the doctoring photos while studying the live feed being sent in. "First, the picture was showing no leakage at all and they had already admitted that there was at least one. Next, I noticed...
Read full storyLily Allen's Third Nipple Featured in Lips, Hips, & Tits Monthly Magazine
LONDON - Lily Allen said that she has never denied that she has polythelia, which is the condition of having an accessory or third nipple. Allen said that she first noticed it in grade school when she saw that her chest did not look like the chest...
Read full story"Anne Robinson - You are the bleakest link! - Goodbye!"
Anne Robinson has the dubious accolade of being the only presenter worldwide to win more prize money than the hapless contestants she enjoys humiliating. The average winnings per show are a miserly £1,000 but plastic faced Robinson cashes in a han...
Read full storyVan der Sloot Goes Mental When He Finds Out Natalie Holloway Might Be Alive & "Friends" with Levi Johnston On Chat Site!
As if it couldn't get any worse for incarcerated Peruvian Jail Queen Joran van der Sloot, today he found out from sadistic guards that there is a good chance that Natalie Holloway is alive and well living in Thailand! On a thread from 'Pattaya Gir...
Read full storyWe're Experts at Negotiations and Contract Law. Wait, Replace "Negotiations" with "Saying and Doing Stupid Sh-t" and "Contract Law" with "Shaming Our Families, Friends and the Entire Italian-American Community."
Answering a question that has plagued tens of fans since the first time the cast defiled our collective mentalities, our television friends on "Jersey Shore" have careers post-MTV: Contract negotiations and the attendant law. The cast: JWoww, Fran...
Read full storyScottish parliament Lockerbie fiasco - "We just needed something to do"
If you were the most hated man in Britain who would you choose to help with a 'get out of jail free' card? Someone highly respected and beyond reproach? Well, sort of. Abdelbaset al-Megrahi wisely chose an enormous lesbian as his brief who is beyo...
Read full storyThe Muppet Wars. Chapter 1
For years, just below the peaches and cream surface of PBS' block of daytime children's programming, churned a seething cauldron of hatred. And the patriarchs of the shows, which are universally recognized at the forefathers of educational children's programs -Jim Henson / Frank Oz et. al of Sesame Street, and Fred Rogers,the creator and host of Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood-nearly allowed their hatre...
Read full storyTony Blair facing prison
Many would love the expression "Chickens come home to roost" tattooed on Tony Blair's forehead but he won't need any reminding of it's meaning. Throughout his shameful premiership, he promised the earth to brainwashed 'believers' and left spin doc...
Read full storyForget extra virgin olive oil - China restaurants admit using "gutter oil" to cook
BEIJING: The international community seems to be so taken in with a 'powerful and rising' China. But much of what is really happening in China remains opaque - hidden from the world. China presents its facade and the global community is expected t...
Read full storyMel Gibson's Head Explodes
Emergency teams were called to Mel Gibson's home after they were called by Gibson's ex-girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva, telling them that something was seriously wrong with Mel and he may need medical help. When the teams arrived at Gibson's mansion...
Read full storyDavid tells Barack: Release of Lockerbie Bomber Tied to Removal of Churchill Bust from Oval Office
With David and Barack cooing to each other like demented cock-roaches during their photo-op at the White House today, calling each other by their first names as if they were bung-hole buddies from way back, all was going well. But when a reporter ask...
Read full storyIrina Shayk in diaper changing ultimatum
Florida - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): It's every stunning twentysomething supermodel's ultimate nightmare: changing your lover's brat's diapers without gagging. And this week it's Snorts Illustrated Swimsuits pin-up cracker Irina Shayk's turn to re...
Read full storyTaylor Lautner Says That He's Waiting For That Certain Someone
Taylor Lautner told reporters yesterday that he wished that they would let up on the news that he's marrying Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus or Lady Gaga. "You guys got me doing all kinds of things. I'd have to be a cat with six peckers in order to carr...
Read full storyBelgian Queen death threat 'hoax' is psychic prediction about Elizabeth Windsor RIP
London - (Portents): She's been at it again. Feeble-brained Belgian attention seeking Dowager Queen Fabiola has been caught sending 'death threat' postcards to herself again. These warn an assassination attempt will be made on her during a publi...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Stalker Found Dead In Her Basement
Miley Cyrus, who has recently moved back into her own home near Nashville while her parents stay in Los Angeles, has been reporting to the police that a stalker has been following her around for days and that she was all set to move back to Los Angel...
Read full storyBritish soon to face new tax if homes not adequately insulated
Ministers are examining introducing new stamp duty penalties to force property owners to make their homes more energy efficient. It could apply to millions of homes with old heating boilers, draughty windows or insufficient loft insulation. B...
Read full storyEver Wonder Why Bono Always Wears Sunshades?
If you see Bono photographed anywhere he always has his shades on, but few ask why. Apparently Bono was born with an eye disease called Albentism or Elberwaer's Disease. Some doctors even call it "Bono's Eye Problem!" He's is almost like a vamp...
Read full storyBrad Pitt: Of Course I Knew Angelina Was Bi-Sexual
Although Angelina Jolie has always been known to date women in between husbands and lovers, her partner Brad Pitt had never brought it out into the open before. Saying that he and Angelina knew each other well, he stated that they were very commit...
Read full storyWhite House flipped upside down
Shocking scenes today at the White House as an educated, wealthy white man in his forties ran around, doing what he was told by a black man. David Cameron, the British Prime Minister, was obsequious to an alarming degree and even referred to Bar...
Read full storyWhat's the Big Idea?
An inspired David Cameron has outlined his solution to world problems as he ventures forth to American pastures seeking to prop up an ailing Barrack Obama. The simple idea is that people should volunteer to do work for no pay. This would give a ch...
Read full storyShark Found In Kid's Paddling Pool
Parents and carers were warned today to check their childrens pools after a Great White Shark was found swimming in the paddling pool of a family in Surrey. Mr and Mrs Findus, said their four year old daughter, Marina, was splashing about in the...
Read full storyWill Lindsay Lohan Go On The Run Like Raoul Moat?
Hollywood - Skoob News notoriously unreliable Hollywood 'Man On The Street', Philly Blunt, called our office this morning to alert us to rumours that troubled Bad Girls star Lindsay Lohan will fail to appear in Beverly Hills today to begin her 90 day...
Read full storyBA cabin crew's reject revised pay offer
British Airways' main cabin crew union, Unite, said on Tuesday its members had rejected a revised airline pay offer, in a long-running dispute over pay and staffing levels Spokesperson, Philip McCracken said that there were often too few staff on...
Read full storyThird Time Charm! Paris Hilton Caught Carrying Big Potted Marijuana Plant At Airport.
For the third time in three weeks, Paris Hilton has been charged with possession as she was caught by security guards at New York's Kennedy Airport. This time she was carrying a potted plant, five feet tall. "She's having sport with us", says g...
Read full storyBritish Airways Raided by Police
Popular Tory Vince Cable today announced exciting plans to simultaneously support the Police spending review and the protracted dispute between British Airways and the loony left. The plans involve the police earning a few bob by working as trolle...
Read full story#4 - Ask Hank: Conservatives = Swoony Churchgoers
Hey Hank, It's become a toss-up for me here and thought you could help out, if you want… I am and have been an atheist for most of my life. I just can't get into the whole swoony churchy thing. But, I have become a rather confirmed political convert and want to get a job in the next political campaign. I lean quite heavily to the right, so I need to know which church group would be the b...
Read full storyInternet Porn Impedes Progress of Chimpanzee Learning to Surf Web on Own Laptop
Charlie, a chimpanzee owned by animal psychologist, Mary Lively, celebrated his 6th birthday by sending text messages on his very own laptop computer. The computer was specially designed for Charlie by Apeco Technologies at the urging of Lively, when...
Read full storyDavid Cameron in Neil Diamond Bung Controversy
The Prime Minister David Cameron has today come under renewed pressure to resign following the ongoing 'Sweet Carolinegate' controversy. As revealed under the Freedom of Information Act, funds earmarked to kickstart the Prime Minister's Big Societ...
Read full storyVatican Approves Fisting as Punishment for Pedophile Priests
Speaking on behalf of the Vatican's Department if Internal Correctional Knowledge, Father Fergus McCarthy announced today that the heinous act of "Fisting" would be used as punishment for any priest proven to have forced themselves on young children.
Read full storyHosepipe Ban is not a worry
The north-west of England is entering it's second week under the Hosepipe Ban imposed by the local water utility company, Untied Totalities. However, the people of Manchester, at least, are not in the slightest bit bothered by the restriction of b...
Read full storyJoe Cole is just the first Cole to go to Liverpool
After announcing the big name signing of Joe Cole, Roy Hodgson, manager of Liverpool football club, has seen the media furore this has generated, and put in big bids for the other Coles. First considering it, is Ashley Cole, although it will take...
Read full storyUS Senators quiz Cameron on BP 'dirty tricks' slush fund
Washington AC/DC - (Whitewash News): A $3 million bung stashed away in Lockerbie bomber Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed Al Megrahi's secret Swiss bank account is top of the Senators' talks agenda today. The meeting will quiz Prime Monster David Cameron on B...
Read full storyCameron plays down Obama snub
Prime Minister David Cameron has been snubbed on his first visit in that capacity to the USA. Some woman answered the back door of the White House. She looked Cameron up and down then up again and said, "Whom the fuck are you dude?" Cameron antici...
Read full storyBike Superhighway to Encourage Protester Deaths
London Mayor Boris Johnson has announced the development of a bike superhighway that will be created through Parliament Square. Plans are being rushed through parliament almost quite literally as there are fears of an outbreak of plague or dysent...
Read full storyCheryl Cole Pregnancy Test Confirmed
It's been confirmed in the last hour that Cheryl Cole, the X-Factor judge, who contracted malaria after she was bitten by a mosquito whilst on Safari in Tanzania recently, has had a pregnancy test. It proved 'negative'. Cole, 27, had taken the...
Read full storyMore Letters from Summer Camp
Just like the little ones, summer camp exists for tweens too. Here is a sampling of a couple of letters the tweens have written home to earn their "composition" badges. Dear Kate (haha Mom), Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Did you know that Camp Swanomee is a boy/girl camp? I didn't either, but hey, too late now, huh? I am having so much fun, I may not want to come home (OMG, LOL...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - Greengrocers held up
In a novel twist on the mainland stories of banks held up by a banana, Turley's Greengrocers in Shanklin was held up on Tuesday by a man waving a menacing wad of cash. "I was proper scared," said greengrover, Hurley Turley, 49 of Shanklin. "He cam...
Read full storyLiberal Snake-Handling Churches on the Rise
On a recent Sunday morning at the First Progressive Church of Gooseberry, Kentucky, Rev. T. Jerrome Stanley concluded his sermon titled "The Sins of Sean Hannity" by inviting his congregation to open up the boxes that were stacked near the altar. On...
Read full storyThe Anna Chapman Russian Spy Action Figure Doll Is The #1 Seller In America
REDONDO BEACH, California - The Hasbroken Toy Company, with West Coast offices in Redondo Beach, has just informed the toy media that their brand new Anna Chapman Russian Spy Action Figure Doll has gone to #1 in American sales. The doll which reta...
Read full storyThe A-Team (2010) - That's Not BA Baracus!
Moviegoers the world over have complained about the man in the 2010 film about the A-Team not being the 'proper' BA Baracus. "If that's the proper BA Baracus I'll eat my hat," one film buff told us outside a Manchester multiplex. "Well, I would if...
Read full storyOpen Carry Movement Gets Makeover on Project Runway
Taking their cue from the recent headlines that a group of gun rights activists calling itself the "OpenCarry Movement" are flexing their God-given Constitutional right to enter public places with their firearms proudly displayed, the producers of th...
Read full storyJared Leto Says The 'F' Word On TV And Then Adds The 'C' Word For Good Measure
American actor/musician, Jared Leto - of Fight Club, and American Psycho fame - caused outrage in the the little old UK last night when he shockingly said 'fuck' on national television. The amazing outburst came on gay comedian Alan Carr's Channel...
Read full storyLiverpool Sign Joe Cole - Cheryl In Talks
Liverpool boss Roy Hodgson completed his first signing in what is being looked upon as an extensive restructuring programme, when he secured a four year contract for out of contract midfielder Joe Cole. Insiders say that the new kop boss has set h...
Read full storyYou May Not Know Alvin Greene Now, But After Reading This You Will
Manning, SC - It's been over a month since virtual unknown Alvin Greene from South Carolina became the Democratic candidate to run against incumbent Republican, Jim DeMint for a United States Senate seat in November. As some background, he's the 32-y...
Read full storyTour De France Drama As Rider Has Vuvuzela Shoved Up His Arse
There was drama in the Pyrenees this afternoon on the 15th stage of the Tour de France, when Michael Schleck, the man leading the race, was found lying flat in the middle of the road with a vuvuzela sticking out of his anus. It was not immediately...
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