Open Carry Movement Gets Makeover on Project Runway

Written by Charpa93

Tuesday, 20 July 2010

image for Open Carry Movement Gets Makeover on Project Runway
Shirlene Farlow can't wait to get a makeover.

Taking their cue from the recent headlines that a group of gun rights activists calling itself the "OpenCarry Movement" are flexing their God-given Constitutional right to enter public places with their firearms proudly displayed, the producers of the reality series, Project Runway, thought it would be fun to take ten members, male and female, and give them a new look that will allow them to coordinate their semi-automatic pistols and other firearms with the latest fashions of the season.

Said an assistant producer for the show, "We've been watching the various Libertarian movements, especially at the Tea Party get togethers and the Town Hall Meetings, and we believe that the Paul Revere getups and tea bag hat designs are just so Halloween, so unimaginative, so gauche. If these people want to fit in with the stereotypical Starbuck's clientele, they are going to need some serious makeovers. So we thought, hey, what better way to help them transition into a more trendy 'fun-totin' look than to give them a makeover so that they can show off their guns and fit in at the same time."

The OpenCarry episode is not without controversy, however, in that one of the designers flat out refused to produce an outfit with a main component being some type of gun holster, be it shoulder, hip, thigh or ankle, stating "for some gun-toting Bubba to wear to a Starbucks? No thank you-suh-nap." The contestant bowed out of the competition knowing that he faced elimination, but is reportedly happy that he stood up for his principles.

"You can dress them up and make them look all 'Joe Main Street with a gun,' but at the end of the day, they're still carrying loaded guns and to me, guns are ugly, ugly things," he said, sobbing, as he grabbed his overnight bag and ran from the building.

The remaining designers, however, welcomed the challenge and came up with some very interesting outfits, including one contestant who called her version of the hip holster dress the "I Got Your Gun Right Here, Annie."

The models seemed to enjoy themselves as well, although one guy Named Cletus "Beau" Brummel wasn't too fond of the outfit one of the designers made for him. "I know I'm supposed to go along with the program and all," said Beau," but these plaid Bermuda shorts and, what the hell do you call this hat, a fedora? Hell, I look like a fruit. No offense to all you all designers over there," he added.

Tim Gunn, Project Runway's liaison between the designers and the judges, had the most fun on this particular episode taking lots of flak from the OpenCarry folks about his name and the fact that he possesses his own pistol, albeit a teeny, tiny one. He got several laughs when he offered to show it to anyone who wanted to see it. "Oh yes," said Gunn, "I take my little pearl-handled Derringer with me everywhere. It's just so darling. Care to take a look?" There was plenty of nervous laughter all around the set.

While the results of the show will not be known until it airs, the apparent favorite of everyone seemed to be one that came closest to being all about turning a truck-stop waitress into a latte-sipping hipster at Starbucks. It was a little number called the "Cappucino Capri Hipster Holster." Model Shirlene Farlow was just beside herself with the number. "I jes was havin' such a hard time carrying my gun in the back of my jeans on account of I have such a wide backside and the gun jes kept getting caught in my thong, but now, the focus on the gun farther down on my leg makes all the diff'rence in the world. And the gun is still within reach if I ever need to use it while out having a 'double-shot expresso,' LOL, with the girls after shopping at the Safe-T-Way."

Project Runway would not give a specific time for the episode to run, but believes it should be sometime in late 2010, in plenty of time for the gun-toting models to gather all their friends around at the local Starbucks to watch the show, drink a few lattes, and shoot the breeze (no pun intended).

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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