Spoof Writer Declares for Free Agency; Hopes to be Offered $$$Millions by Rivals!
After years of toiling for peanuts, yea, less than peanuts if truth be told, a noted Spoof Writer today announced his free agency from The Spoof.Com and said he is putting himself on the 'open market' and encourages 'all reasonable offers." Whilst bidding for top NBA stars commences in the Colonies today, with Super Star Lebron James amongst the most coveted, with offered salaries approaching $...Read full story
Tiger Woods To Give Elin Nordegren a $750 Million Settlement But She Has To Promise To Keep Her Mouth Shut - "I Promise! I Promise! I Effen Promise!"
ORLANDO - Elin Nordegren, aka Rich, Rich, Rich Bitch Elin Nordegren will be receiving the unbelievable sum of $750 million in a divorce settlement from her husband Tiger Woods, aka "The Dick With Feet." Nordegren said that she has one of the fines...Read full story
Vatican in Hot Water as Neighbors Accuse it of Blocking Internet Access
The Vatican is accused of blocking internet access for Italians bordering the tiny sovereign. Hundreds of neighbors have complained that the Holy See is trying to control their online lives. Some of the websites reportedly blocked are protestantp...Read full story
Isle of Wight News - Psychiatric Patient Walks Out of Local Hospital
A psychiatric patient walked out of a local hospital unchallenged and was not missed for several hours, the Wig Standard can reveal. Ian Jenkins 47 walked out of Seven Acres psychiatric hospital just after midday on Monday June 28 after being granted Section 17 leave. Island Police immediately launched a manhunt asking members of the public not to approach Jenkins due to his mental state but...Read full story
Gore Swears Masseuse Hit By A Nocturnal Emission: Blames Scrotal Warming
An attorney for Al Gore did not deny that his client might have made a late night deposit on the slacks of his massage therapist as alleged. Citing the late hour of the evening encounter, the attorney claims that Gore was sleeping at the time and th...Read full story
Mel Gibson Says That The "N" Word He Yelled Out At His Baby Mama/Girlfriend Was Not THE "N" Word But The Word "Norwegian"
SAN FRANCISCO - Mel Gibson was in town visiting some of his longtime gay friends when he was asked about the fact that his girlfriend/baby mama, Oksana Grigorieva, has him on tape using the dreaded "N" word. Gibson immediately said that he wanted...Read full story
Andy Murray Has Fans
Scottish Tennis misfit, Andy Murray, has sensationally gained his first actual fans today. The British Number 1, notorious for his surly personality redolent of a whiny teenager, though, has put his new-found surge in popularity down to his charisma.Read full story
Ronald Weinland,God's only true prophet, wants women to be appreciated
"The liberation of all races and nationalities is rapidly approaching, and at the top of that list is the true liberation of women from the demeaning state in which they have been "ruled over." This also produces a liberation for man that yields a more fulfilling and rewarding life, a greater unity and oneness with God, and the greater experience of what true masculinity was intended to be from th...Read full story
Mayor embarrassed as trousers fall down
The Lord Mayor of Nowhere was left red faced today after his trousers fell down during an educational seminar he was giving to a group of 8 year old schoolchildren. The gaffe occurred as 56 year old Colin Cocksure, who is definitely NOT on the sex...Read full story
England's National Football Team, Like The Grand Country of England Herself Has Done Before, Will Rise Again!
LONDON - An American stand up comedian, Zydeco Dupree, who resides down in the Tar Ball State of Louisiana, has attended most all of the World Cup Finals games in South Africa. He saw the German team defeat the English team 4-1. or is it the Briti...Read full story
Nigerian President Goodluck Jonathan Has Suspended The Entire Nigerian World Cup Team
ABUJA, Nigeria - The president of Nigeria Goodluck Jonathan was so disappointed at the Nigerian National Team's performance in the South African World Cup Finals that he has suspended every single player for two years. President Jonathan said that...Read full story
Political Corruption - First Trial
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand pounds to compromise this case?" The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't heard the question, casually flicking his £2000 rolled-gold pen, and glancing occasionally at his Rolex watch, and humming to himself. "Isn't it true t...Read full story
Politicians Famous Quotes
A nationwide poll held in the UK was commissioned by 'UKTV History' to mark the publication of the political journalist and commentator Andrew Marr's History of Modern Britain. Almost 3,000 people were asked for their opinion. Here are the top ten results. We guess that you will find them amusing, funny, in part hilarious and sometimes quite strange; in fact, exactly like our politicians. 1)...Read full story
Cheryl Cole To Marry Derek Hough - Ashley Cole To Be Best Man
Reports are filtering through that Cheryl Cole is to tie the knot with Dancing Derek Hough later this year in Las Vegas and that Ashley Cole is to be the best man. Cheryl, who is rumoured to be considering entering Dancing With The Stars with Danc...Read full story
The Name Vuvuzela Has Just Become The Most Popular New Born Baby Name In The Entire World
LIVERPOOL - The Society For The Gathering and Listing of New Born Baby Names has just announced in its July publication titled Sticks & Stones - The Naming of Babies that the South African name Vuvuzela has just surpassed every other name as the...Read full story
Racism Case Gets Silly As Black Councillor Claims She Called Rival "Nigga", Not "Nigger"
A Bristol councillor who called her opponent an allegedly racist name at a Council meeting has appeared in court to face charges of racism. Shirley Black, who is brown, is said to have called a fellow lady councillor a "nigger", but maintains that...Read full story
Arizona's New Training Plan for Cops
Arizona released it's new training program which is designed to instruct cops on how to enforce the new anti-illegal immigration statutes without actually arresting illegal immigrants. A video and supporting course work has been sent to Arizona po...Read full story
Al Gore not only needs to save the world he needs to save his butt too after latest sex scandal!
Environmental freedom fighter, ex deputy President and bum pincher Al gore, is not only intent on saving the world from environmental disaster he is also intent on saving his own butt after being involved in a sex scandal. His old mate Billy "Boy"...Read full story
Hurricane Alex Slams Into Northern Mexico Destroying Mexican Restaurants, Piñata Factories, and A Huge Maracas Plant
CIUDAD ENCHILADA, Mexico - Hurricane Alexander aka Alex slammed into Northern Mexico lashing out with 105 mile per hour winds. The category 2 hurricane, which is known as Alejandro in Mexico, immediately scattered dozens of burro herds, some of wh...Read full story
Pentagon's new shape shifting robot
Scientists at The Pentagon have developed a shift shifting robot. Watching the video they have put out is amazing. A square robot, imitating a piece of paper, is able to change its shape from a boat to a plane, origami-style. This lends itself...Read full story
Kagan Flips the Bird to Senators
It was the end of the day in the Senate confirmation hearings for Elena Kagan's nomination to the Supreme Court. As expected, the Republican members of the committee had been rude, insulting, and sarcastic. As the members of the committee were pa...Read full story
Argentine World Cup Squad Rushed to Hospital with Back Problems after Bending Down for Maradona's Bear Hugs After every Goal.
The entire Argentinean football team has been in intensive physio for three days in preparation for the match with Germany. The players are all suffering various degrees of back trouble after being on the receiving end of hugs and kisses from their c...Read full story
Federer's $10 million bung to throw Berdych match?
Wimbledon - (Grand Slam Mess): Was world No 1 seed Roger Federer seduced with a whopping great big backhander to throw yesterday's Wimbledon quarter finals against Czech sensation Tomas Berdych? "Categorically not!" was the Federer camp response t...Read full story
Nick Clogg reveals plans to abolish 'bad' laws
Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clogg has revealed plans to abolish unnecessary laws in a bid to shift the balance of power from the state to the people. The moves are intended to bolster the Coalition pledge that policy makers don't make law. People do. I asked a cross section of society what laws they would like to see repealed. The Smoker Speaking from a 6 inch hole in his throat cel...Read full story
SuBo fanatic crashes husband's car!
A Susan Boyle fanatic was today in shock after accidentally crashing her wealthy husband's car through a parking lot wall. The unnamed fanatic, thought to be in her mid-90's, had apparently forgotten how to drive, having not left her house since Marc...Read full story
The Twilight Saga: Eclipse Has Been Banned In Washington D.C. - The Mayor Says The Town Already Has Enough 'Bloodsuckers'
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a move that has greatly angered thousands of D.C. movie goers, including the Obamas, the Bidens, and Nancy Pelosi, D.C. Mayor Adrian "Yo Bro" Fenty has decided to ban the motion picture The Twilight Saga: Eclipse. Mayor Fenty...Read full story
Guests spurn (Cut-Price) Katie's budget Hen-Night
On Tuesday, we reported that Katie Price intended to keep the cost of her Wedding Blessing this weekend to Alex Reid, to an absolute minimum. We can now report that these plans, extended to incorporate the hen-night, may have back-fired. A sour...Read full story
Blair's Diabolical Liberty Medal for covering up WMD inspector's heroin addiction
London - (WMD Mess): Feckless IRA-fellating tosser Tony Blair is to be honored with the USA's most prestigeous medal for blatant corruption. Terror accomplice Bill Clinton is to personally present him with the Diabolical Liberty Medal in September...Read full story
EU on war footing. Surprise attack on USA iminent!
American spies working in Europe have uncovered secret plans to attack America. Britain, angered by Obamas retoric against, BP will lead the first wave by bombing the statue of Liberty followed by Kraft/Cadbury's Chocolate manufacturers factory an...Read full story
Spoof Reporter Jailed
Famously under-rated spoof reporter the Medium Cheese has been jailed for 7 years following a complaint from a member of the public about an article. For legal reasons, we cannot publish the identity of the complainant, nor the report, nor the in...Read full story
UFO Mistaken For Cloud
In an embarrassing statement to a parliamentary sub committee this afternoon, RAF chief Sir Rostron Riddle-Me-Ree told ministers that last week, aliens probably had been hovering over London for half an hour, in giant spacecraft shaped like a cloud,...Read full story
Braless front row Shakira fears prey on Andy Murray
Wimbledon - (Reuterus & Breastfeeding Mess): "It's the sight of those pert, bouncy totems of male enslavement in a see-thru T-shirt I fear most," the No 4 seed's trainer warned today. "There's only so much punishment the lad can take!" The...Read full story
Ashley Cole dumps Sarah Purnell...by text.
Following our revelation yesterday, that Ashley Cole's latest conquest is Russian-born lady-boy, Lickya Balsov, we can today reveal that Cole has dumped Sarah Purnell....by text! Purnell, a 23 year old lap-dancer, had been linked romantically with...Read full story
Health watch advice!
Research done by the Manufacturers of the household disinfectant De-tox the very famous Lever Brothers, has discovered that there are a hundred times more bacteria on your kitchen worktop than there are on a toilet seat! The advice by the company...Read full story
July 4th will be a New Public Holiday in the UK
David Cameron has given the biggest hint yet that the UK will be given a new public holiday to bring the number of public holidays up to the same number as the rest of the European Union. Original thoughts were the Monday following Armistice Day i...Read full story
Up and Coming TMZ Rival Pays Jon Gosselin to do Stupid Stuff
Hollywood, CA - Move over TMZ, there's another celebrity rumor mill in town and they are willing to spend big bucks to take the celebrity business to a whole 'nother level. Spread'M is reportedly behind Jon Gosselin's huge dragon tattoo and t...Read full story
America is the true Holy Land! Noah discovered America.
Its commonly known that Christopher Columbus was the guy that discovered America, but new evidence shows that is a load of bollocks! Archaeologists have unearthed evidence that the true discoverer of this wonderful land was non other than NOAH! Yes-pieces of Noahs boat have been found on a hill in Yellowstone National park. Along with evidence of years at sea with all his animals on board ther...Read full story
President Obama Invites South Carolina to Secede from Union
Washington, DC - In another unprecedented move from the White House, President Obama has invited South Carolina to secede from the union. Under normal circumstances, the decision to secede from the union is usually made by a state government that...Read full story
103 Reasons Not To Get Married!
"When you're single…" 1. You get the whole couch to yourself. 2. There's half as much housework, cooking, and cleaning to do. 3. You can watch whatever TV channel you like, without arguments. 4. You can get home from work at whatever time you like. 5. You get to eat the whole "meal for two" by yourself. 6. There are fewer important birthdays (spouse, kids, spouse's parents, etc)...Read full story
Dear God, Please Bring the iPhone 4G to Verizon. Amen.
I propose the following as a new form of punctuation, to be used exclusively when transcribing iPhone calls on AT&T Wireless: The "?^?" The "?^? stands for "Are you still there?" Because every f--king sentence I've ever completed on an iPhone sounded as follows: "Hello, are you still there? I'm leaving to pick up Brisa. Are you still there? You need me to pick up what? Are You still there?...Read full story
Supreme Court strikes down Chicago handgun ban just in time for Mafia Centennial Celebrations
The United States Supreme Court has struck down the controversial Chicago handgun ban, a decision which may have national impact on parties as diverse as divorcing couples, angry teenagers, mothers of beauty contestants, litigators, and businessmen w...Read full story
Cheryl gives Ashley and Lady-Boy lover her Blessing.
Yesterday, we revealed the sensational news that the latest subject of Ashley Cole's attentions, was none other than Russian born 'lady-boy', Lickya Balsov. Today, Cole's estranged wife Cheryl sent him her warmest wishes and hoped that they would...Read full story
Review: Tarantino's Porno stars P!nk
Before he became famous as the director of Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction, Quentin Tarantino had already made a movie, but up until recently, he had managed to keep it quiet. Called Pimp Friction is was pornography of the most base nature. After losing his laptop containing the entire film, in a home invasion in 2007, Tarantino's film was released onto the internet by the thieves. With the fil...Read full story
Larry King abdicates throne to marry American divorcee Marge Simpson; King hereafter known as Duke of Windsor
Larry King, reigning monarch of CNN, yesterday announced his decision to abdicate in order to marry divorcee Marge Simpson, currently separated from longtime husband Homer Simpson of Springfield. King's decision came as a shock to many millions w...Read full story
Obama is British!
An expert in ancestry at the university of London has spent the last year researching president Obama forebears. He has found documents relating to the Obama forbears that go back before the Roman era. There is strong evidence that his great gran...Read full story
Scholar Claims Dr. Seuss Hid Key to Understanding Universe in Books
Chicago, IL - "Silly, fantastical, make-believe stories are what most people think of when they think of Dr. Seuss," claims Dr. Werner Schteinkel, who has been studying Dr. Seuss books his entire career trying to figure out if they are just nonsense...Read full story
Is there life before death spirit medium investigates.
A medium in the spirit world has been trying to discover if life before death exists. Shi Chang a Chinese spirit guide has been trying to contact people on the other, other side to see if life really does exist before death. Much evidence in the spirit world that entities actually live in the so called "physical world" have been shown to be a hoax or fraud. Some mediums in the spirit world have...Read full story
Survey shows America is Greatest Country Ever
More than two-thirds of Americans surveyed agree that America is Number One on Planet Earth. In a recent Yeehaw! poll, a random selection of Americans were asked to answer the question, "Do you agree with the statement that America is the greatest...Read full story
All British jails closed as crime falls to zero under Cameron
Last night the last jail in Britain was closed. Now all the prisons are being either pulled down or converted to recreation centres for ex-criminals. A dramatic drop in crime to zero has occurred under the new premiership of PM Cameron. His new in...Read full story
Target, Leading Employer of Nocturnal Immigrants, Opens 624,248th Store
Target Corporation, America's 2nd leading department store, announced today that Store number 624,248, situated only 500' from another Target will open for business tomorrow. Target's success has come from a basic premise: Open a store in every f-...Read full story
Justin Bieber Secretly Dating Taylor Swift
QUEEN BESS ISLAND, Louisiana - The Ontario, Canada native Justin Bieber was visiting the Bayou State and actually helping out the locals gather up the dreaded, yicky, yucky Louisiana Tar Balls and putting them in tar ball containers. Bieber said t...Read full story
Theoretical Physicist Fails to Impress America's Got Talent Judges with Wormhole Act
Things got a little strange Wednesday night in Chicago when a one-man act by the name of Arcus Temporis came on stage armed only with a chalkboard and a piece of chalk and an eraser. "What is your name?" asked Piers Morgan of this wild-eyed man. In a Swedish accent, the man gave his name, "I am Arcus Temporis and I am 87 years olt," he said as he took in the huge crowd he stood before. "And...Read full story
Clinton Defends Gore on Sex Assault Charges
Former President William Jefferson Clinton-the name he took when he was impeached for lying about a dalliance with an intern-has come to the defense of his vice president Albert Gore. "Look," said Clinton "when an inexperienced massage lady is r...Read full story
Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston To Appear In A Nude Spy Mystery
BARCELONA, Spain - Brad Pitt flew to Barcelona to receive a Lifetime Achievement Award from the Spanish Motion Picture Film Industry. Pitt, who is known in Spain as "El Muchachote." which means 'the old boy' said that next to Beverly Hills, he enj...Read full story
Pope And Queen Deny Rumours Their Seeking Larry King's CNN Replacement
CNN are looking for a replacement for the ever ageing Larry King, after hosting Larry King Live on the cable network for over 25 years. Rumours are rife that Queen and the Pope have sought to move in on the vacant chair. The Catholic Church fee...Read full story
Letters To The Editor - From Non-English Speakers
Sir I am being very very confused. I am writing for satirical website similar to your wife. Then I am being turned feet over head with many stories about Miley Cyrus being vagina, up her skirt, and with large penis. I am not understanding why I am no longer top of our chart with my amusing cricket stories. Who is Rod Patterson and what do vampires do? I feel it is only fair that we complete on...Read full story
American Poodle Club Rushes to Distance Itself from Gore Scandal
Police in Portland, Oregon are reopening their investigation into allegations that Al Gore groped and forced himself onto a masseuse at a local hotel in 2006. While not much has been made public about that incident, the one piece of information that...Read full story
Cheryl Cole and Derek Hough Announce Their Engagement
DUBAI, India - Cheryl Cole and her American boyfriend Derek "The Dancing Dude" Hough were vacationing in Dubai after a whirlwind romance that has seen them each fly to each others respective side of the "Pond." The two lovebirds were spotted check...Read full story
German team arrested for cheating England in world cup
Last night the whole German team was under arrest for the most dastardly plan to deny the wonderful English team their place in the world cup. As the German team was at Johannesburg airport the ball used in the match set off bomb sensors. When the...Read full story
Simon Cowell Dumps His Fiancee Mezhgan Hussainy
LEIGHTON BUZZARD, England - Simon Cowell was in the town of Leighton Buzzard visiting one of his aunts when he was approached by a member of the local newspaper, The Leighton Buzzard Crumpet Trumpet. The reporter, Nigel Figgington, asked him why i...Read full story
Top Ten Reasons Why Sharon Osbourne Should NOT be a judge on ANY REALITY TALENT SHOW
These are the top ten reasons why Sharon Osbourne should NEVER EVER be a judge on ANY TALENT SHOW: 10. Sharon Osbourne has NO talent 9. Sharon Osbourne has NO talent 8. Sharon Osbourne has NO talent 7. Sharon Osbourne has NO talent 6. Sharon Osbourne has NO talent 5. Sharon Osbourne has NO talent 4. Sharon Osbourne has NO talent 3. Sharon Osbourne has...Read full story
Margaret Thatcher State Funeral Invitees To Include Gerry Adams
The State Funeral of ex-Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, whenever it happens, is to include among its list of invited guests, Sinn Fein president Gerry Adams, with whom the former leader had 'close ties' during the 1980s. Mrs Thatcher, 104, was t...Read full story
England v Germany - Or Was It Terry v Gerrard?
Here at Skoob News, we can't go too deeply into this issue due to reporting restrictions, but if what we've been led to believe from a variety of sources is actually true, then these so-called professionals should be ashamed of themselves. We can'...Read full story
Andy Murray To Shove Vuvuzela Up Rafa Nadal's Arse
Britain's number 1 tennis player, Andy Murray, came through his quarter final match against France's Jo-Wilfried Tsonga yesterday to set up an exciting semi final clash with world number 1 Rafa Nadal, and told journalists he has "a cunning plan" with...Read full story
Kim Sears - I'll Eat My Own Face if Murray Wins
Kim Sears - pouty irritating girlfriend of pouty irritating tennis nerd Andy Murray - today threatened to eat her own face if the young Scot goes on to win Wimbledon. "There's no living with him as it is. All he talks about is tennis, his mum, ho...Read full story
No Comment Offered On England World Cup Squad Internal Warfare
Following the publication of certain 'rumours' alleging that the England World Cup squad was a party divided by loyalties relating to one side or another of the allegedly warring factions, centred around two prominent squad members, Skoob News set ou...Read full story
Top Ten Reasons Why You Should Become A Spoof Writer
Here are the Top Ten reasons why YOU should become a Spoof Writer: 10. It's an outlet for your frustrations 9. You will be on a site with people as crazy (or crazier) that you are 8. You can be 'anyone' you wish to be 7. You can say anything you wish to say (within reason) 6. If you have an 'addictive personality' this is for YOU 5. If your grammar and spelling a...Read full story
Heart Attack Rates Up In England, U.S.
For some reason, the World Health Organization has checked and rechecked their numbers and they have concluded that England has the highest percentage of heart attack victims in the world with the United States coming in a close second. "So far we...Read full story
Even More Bloody Stupid Letters To The Editor
Sir I've just been watching Cheryl Cole singing 'live' on the telly at a summer gig. What a rip off. She only did the talking bits and even then the backing singers were the real stars. Truth is, she can't sing for shit. I have also heard that she intends to keep the 'Cole' name, despite impending divorce proceedings from Ashley. So where does that leave Ashley if in future he wants to marry a...Read full story
Susan Boyle Traumatizes Twin Teens Who Break Into Her Home
When Hamish and twin brother "Scotty" broke into the home of singer Susan Boyle, they thought she was gone on another singing tour. However, they were wrong. Scheduled to sing in Paris, the French took one look at her and suggested she wear a burq...Read full story
Obama Administration Bares all about Campaign Contributors
Washington DC: Presidential Press Secretary Gibbs announced today that a full list of special interest presidential campaign contributors will be made public and placed on the White House website. The list will include organization names, dollar amou...Read full story
Miley Cyrus Says She's Not Getting Hammered Enough!
Miley Cyrus told reporters this morning that she is upset because she's not getting hammered enough. "I wear very little on a national television show and I get a mention in the Entertainment section of newspapers, all using the same story. I have...Read full story