BA cabin crew's reject revised pay offer

Funny story written by Lady Godiva

Tuesday, 20 July 2010

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British Airways' main cabin crew union, Unite, said on Tuesday its members had rejected a revised airline pay offer, in a long-running dispute over pay and staffing levels

Spokesperson, Philip McCracken said that there were often too few staff on flights and members of the flying public often had to help out with serving meals and selling the inflight Duty Free items.

A number of 'flyers' had objected and threatened to get in touch with BA officials on landing.

As Philip continued,

"Complaints of this nature are being encouraged, as they can do nothing but 'further' our cause.

The public need to be aware that we are overworked and underpaid. A number of colleagues have already been fired.

This is a stressful job and only last week, we had to restrain a member of the cabin crew, who is under a lot of stress as his boyfriend was one of the stewards 'fired' recently. He was heading to the door and threatened to open it and jump'.

Had we been closer to the ground.....we would have allowed him to do so...but we were above the clouds and none of us fancied being sucking out with him. Therefore we 'jumped' him.

The smell of my aftershave calmed him somewhat and I was able to lead him to a seat and buckle him in. I had to sit next to him for the duration of the flight...holding his hand.

This cannot be allowed to continue. BA stand to lose a lot more money if we all agree to strike. Which is a possibility at this point in 'the talks'."

BA has issued some tips for those travelling with their airline beginning July 20th.

1) Bring your own food and drink
2) Expect 'no cabin crew' so read the safety brochures very carefully
3) Bring a book ....no 'in-flight' movies will be shown
4) If you are short, say 5' or less...climb on a seat to get your 'carry ons' into the 'overheads' as there'll be no crew member to help you. Alternate option - look for a taller passenger to give you a helping hand.

5) No changing of seats during the flight because if
the plane goes down...no-one will know who is who. (The chief steward usually keeps track of who moves to which seat in the event of a catastrophic landing).


Enjoy flying British Airways!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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