If you were the most hated man in Britain who would you choose to help with a 'get out of jail free' card? Someone highly respected and beyond reproach? Well, sort of.
Abdelbaset al-Megrahi wisely chose an enormous lesbian as his brief who is beyond reproach not for her record but because it is illigal to cross-examine minorities in Scotland of which she fits between 2 - 4 categories depending on her weight, origin and any unstated disabilities.
This is not the first time the Scottish Parliament has been mired in controversy. Auditors unearthed a sweep stake to see who could get away with the least amount of meaningful work in a year. The coherent Scottish public mostly from Edinburgh were not amused that the top prize was split 60 ways.
However, Alex Salmond hit back saying that East Glasgow now had a life expectancy similar to Uganda rather than Mali 2 years ago. Also deep fat frying of chocolate coated omelettes had been banned in Aberdeen with the strategy rolling out to other cities over the next 50yrs.
Salmond commented - "We like the idea of Scottish independence because it makes SMPs feel useful, but now we've got the US government breathing down our necks, I need David Cameron to do us a huge favour. I'm scared."
Al-Megrahi meanwhile has been given a clean bill of health by doctors and will be able to resume his drag-racing business very soon.