As little as 2 generations ago (or 3 if you're on benefits), you had to get married in the UK in order to sleep with someone 'publicly'. Of course there were all sorts of shenanigans during the war but right up until the benefits windfall of '83, men 'took home the bacon' in exchange for porking rights - something as old as prostitution but of course slightly different.
However, whilst a miner's wedding in 1970 might consist of a few pork pies and home made ale, now if you can't muster £1000 just on flowers, even northerners won't turn up to your big day.
This has led to fracture lines appearing on what is actually just a 10 minute ceremony. The poor sit on benefits and get broody without marrying whilst the more well off tie the knot in style.
However, researchers have found the most important factor in tieing the knot is 'bum size'. A scientist commented - "Even if a woman's face is like a 'bag of spanners', with a nice arse, she could still tie the knot." Second most important were face and breasts respectively.
The largest women ever to be married was Fern Britten before her gastric bypass who reportedly allowed friends to use her waist to stand drinks whilst they danced. One guest even found her TV remote control.
