You May Not Know Alvin Greene Now, But After Reading This You Will

Funny story written by Charpa93

Tuesday, 20 July 2010

image for You May Not Know Alvin Greene Now, But After Reading This You Will
Just who is this Alvin Greene?

Manning, SC - It's been over a month since virtual unknown Alvin Greene from South Carolina became the Democratic candidate to run against incumbent Republican, Jim DeMint for a United States Senate seat in November. As some background, he's the 32-year old unemployed Army vet, black (although that's really not the issue except that it is, after all, South Carolina) who mysteriously came up with the $10000 it takes to get your name on the ballot for senator, and ended up winning the Democratic primary in a landslide over someone who was a bit better known.

Up until now, Greene has said little, has not given any lengthy interviews and has only uttered a few public words. But now, little by little, the coaching he's been receiving day and night is finally taking hold, and he is finally able to impart a semi-coherent message to those who believe he has an ice dealer's chance in hell of unseating DeMint in November.

This past weekend, Greene gave a short speech at the monthly meeting of the local NAACP in Manning, South Carolina, his hometown. The event was standing room only. In addition, just one week earlier, Greene agreed to answer some questions from an AOL reporter. Here is a digest of the questions and answers with a bit of the speech sprinkled in:

"Hi, I'm Alvin Greene, and although I don't have a clue how I got here, what I'm supposed to be doing here, or how long I'm gonna be here, I just want to say South Carolina needs jobs."

The crowd went crazy for him. He outlined his plans to create jobs by saying he was going to ask the South Carolina legislature to pass a bill that says everyone has to have a job regardless of whether or not they get paid. He then said something incoherent, incoherent, incoherent, bobble heads.

In the AOL interview, Greene was asked these questions:

Reporter: If President Obama couldn't be President, who do you think should be President?

Greene: Obama

Reporter: No. Let's try that again. If President Obama couldn't-could not-be President, who do you think should be President?

Greene: Oh. Could not, you mean because he's black, right?

Reporter: Ok, moving on. What is your favorite color?

Greene: Oh, thatsa easy one. Blue.

Reporter: Do you think Jim DeMint is gay?

Greene: I think I'll say yes?

Reporter: That was a trick question. Sorry. The answer is no.

So, with what we have to go on so far as to who Alvin Greene is and what he stands for, it seems fair to say that he has as much chance as any of the other folks running for Senate. He is a warm body and he can speak, albeit not well, but hey, there is a female candidate out there said to thinking about running for the highest office in the country come 2012, and we haven't gotten much more than this out of her yet, either. Goes to show you, it's anybody's game.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more