Heidi Montag: My Ass is Basically a Science Experiment for Mad Plastic Surgeons!
Heidi Montag, the illustrious Blond Bombshell from Monsanto, is now burbling forth Mark McGwire style and revealing to the public that she is "just another bubble head experiment gone wild for mad plastic surgeons". Heidi covered some of the myria...
Read full storyMan after Tiger's tail
A new story has just arisen from the ashes of the Tiger Woods Sex Scandal, this time coming from a man who is in the aftermath of the multitude of mistresses that followed in the wake of the first storm. The man who asked that his name be withheld...
Read full storySnowstorms Cause Realisation That 'Man Mad Global Warming Is A Lie' Chaos In China
Four people have died and more than 1.6 million have been affected by blizzards of truth and extreme cold reality checks in north-western China. Thousands of travellers have been left woken up to reality as snowstorms closed major roads and delaye...
Read full storyLayla Kiffin's Lucrative Offer To Pose In PlayMister Magazine
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Layla Kiffin, who is the wife of the new University of Southern California football coach Lane Kiffin has been given a very generous offer from PlayMister Magazine to appear in a photo layout to be published in the March edition.
Read full storyFurther study of Tiger Woods' problems, possible
Having looked upon the case of "Tiger Woods", The Institute of Weird Sexual Behavior in the Golfing Profession feels greatly over challenged and has called in a specialist in that field. Howard Hollinzegger, a professor of sorts with the institute...
Read full storyDirty Golden Girl hits Sara Palin in the Gut
A new health and diet drink is booming in the Alaska bars which was created by a prominent toilet paper company and a closet alcoholic physician which are making millions! It is said to be a favorite of Sara Palin's and the secret to her weight...
Read full storyRomo Reconnects with Simpson for 2010 Season
With disastrous results from the 2009 NFL playoffs still looming in the background, Tony Romo was left to ponder what exactly had gone wrong this season. While the Cowboys franchise blamed Jessica Simpson for distracting Romo last year, Romo apparen...
Read full storyUS troops issued with gun sights carrying encrypted references to Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code
Afghanistan - (Kabulshit): Soldiers of the 101st Airborne Division are firing weapons carrying weird, loosely encrypted inscriptions 'including astrological glyphs' relating to chapters of Dan Brown's hagiography The Da Vinci Code. The branded wea...
Read full storySnack firm employee caught sucking creme out of Tasty-Treet
Worker gets creamed - The food industry is taking a long look at an "oldie but goodie" treat known as the Tasty-Treet. This age old cream filled cupcake of sorts, largely a rip-off of the ever more popular Twinkie, has been a household favorite fo...
Read full storyJunkie found living inside someone's gas meter cupboard
It has been revealed today that a Junkie has been found living inside someone's gas meter. The Junkie was found on Tuesday after a client complained to the company about the fact that she had been experiencing unusually high gas bills. The gas en...
Read full storyBill Gates caught cheating on wife with robomaid
It looks as though the sixteen year marriage of Bill and Melinda Gates is over, as late last night -if rumours are to be believed- Melinda caught Bill receiving oral sex from his latest pet project, the Microsoft Robomaid, A.K.A 'Laurene V1.6'. A...
Read full storyDairy Apologizes for Typo on Website and Trucks
Toward the end of World War II in 1945, the Stueve family of California founded Alta Dena Dairy. Throughout the 1950s, it earned a reputation as one of the most innovative farms with its line of healthy choices in dairy products. Today, thousands of...
Read full storyVegas Gaming Industry needs your Bucks
Las Vegas Nevada - News from Sin City is traveling fast. It is said that the tourist trade is toppling and the Casino and Hotel Industry is becoming increasingly unstable. "Money coming into the city is not as lavish as it used to be" said Pa...
Read full storyAlex Lambert: Yes, Adam Is My Big Sister
The newest Lambert on American Idol, Alex Lambert may have a shot at reaching the top two heights of Adam Lambert, whom he calls "My Big Sister". Alex then stated that he knew Adam would appreciate the humor of his remarks. "Adam loves controv...
Read full storyDavid Letterman Getting Revenge On Leno, O'Brien
After being on the receiving end of all the jokes during his own problems with the women, David Letterman is having a lot of fun with both Leno and O'Brien. It takes a lot of nerve to knock someone off your old time slot, also a lot of chin.
Read full storyTheSpoof.com writer is dismayed
Sporadic Spoof Writer JanSal writes - she is concerned that there is only 2,999 readers now online at TheSpoof.com and she is soliciting ways to get her words out to the world at large to get higher ratings. "I am contemplating buying up billboa...
Read full storyAirline passengers stampede as pilot wears Burka
A female pilot for a well known major airline that's always in the news turned up at Glasgow Airport today to pilot flight number 666 from Glasgow to Dubai the only problem she was wearing a Burka (A full length garment worn by Muslim women that cove...
Read full storyLittle known Airline offering low low fares and no baggage fees
USB Airways - is offering unbelievably low prices on round trip airfares to beaches within the United States during the month of February. "February is the month for lovers" says USB spoke person Julia Lovelace. USB Airways wants to take advant...
Read full storyThere are Several Businesses like Show Business
The old saying "There's no business like show business" has been shown to be a fucking fallacy. In fact several businesses are very similar to show business. Politics is a bit like Show business. Both involve wankers wanking on about wank. Both re...
Read full storyDems Blame Mass. Election Results on "Larger Than Average Penis."
Boston, MS: Democratic National Committee campaign strategists are rushing today to explain the unexpectedly strong showing by Republican Scott Brown in the Massachusetts special election to fill the seat of the late Senator Edward Kennedy. Repu...
Read full storyGerman "Big Brother" is Hornier, Pornier and makes the UK/ US versions look like Bible classes!
Germany once again leads the world by launching the raunchiest, hottest, horniest, porniest "Big Brother" ever. The introduction of tattooed beauty "Porn Star" Cora, better known as Carolin Berger, is sending ratings "astronomical"! Pictured la...
Read full storyAirline Increases Perks to Stimulate Business
Following poor financial results for the company in 2009, and after announcements that service routes will be trimmed back in 2010, a Japanese airline will be bumping up the perks in order to stimulate business on trans-continental flights. In add...
Read full storyHeidi Montag, Spencer Pratt, Who Cares
Still managing to garner a portion of the daily entertainment news cycle with weekly attempts to one-up themselves on the previous week's pabulum, Heidi Montag is in the news again because she might be "addicted to plastic surgery". The mere state...
Read full storyMallwart Announces New 3-Tier Pricing Strategy
Scott Lee, President and CEO of the international discount department store Mallwart, unveiled an exciting new pricing strategy for its 6,100 stores around the world. Scott said his model is "based on a Sears strategy from years ago that segmente...
Read full storyDealers prepare for 2012 games with tender process
London's drug dealers are 'gearing' up for the London Games by entering the tendering process for the lucrative contract to be the official narcotics supplier to the 2012 games. The games organiser, the ODA, today posted an electronic tender via...
Read full storyEngland confused by Scottish hostility
The highly volatile marriage between Scotland and England was brought into focus again last night in front of scandal-hungry celebrity reporters at a glamour ball in Woodburn Miners' Club, Dalkeith. Having spent the night being wined and dined by...
Read full storyConan O'Brien Opens Satirical Writing College
Following the announcement of the 40 million dollar separation agreement between the National Broadcasting Company and its wild-haired late night host, Conan O'Brien followed his termination with an announced sponsorship of a satirical writing colleg...
Read full storyBin Laden To Drop 'Bad Boy Image'
Osama Bin Laden has released a press statement through his underground network, informing the world of plans to 'rebrand' himself. The statement reads "our client is aware of the recent surge in public opinion against him and his beliefs. He feels...
Read full storyUS Troops attack Haiti, at last a war they could possibly win, OR?
US Troops have dropped into Port-au-Prince via parachutes and are now attacking the destroyed palace of voodoo high priest and Haitian President, René Preval. Shocked earthquake victims observing the parachute attack started cheering the Yanks as...
Read full storyCrown Estate secret mortgages bankrolled Kate Middleton habit
London - (Bonkers): Forbidden by law to raise loans on its vast property portfolio assets, the Crown Estate has been caught skimming hundreds of thousands of pounds to feed Kate Middleton's insatiable royal-wannabe greed. "We reckon two million is...
Read full storyCereal Manufacturer Rapped for Promoting Prostitution
A famous cereal manufacturer that makes a popular brand of multigrain hooped breakfast cereal (but not the ones you're thinking of, a completely different manufacturer) has been lambasted by advertising watchdogs for promoting prostitution on the bac...
Read full storyChinese 'spy-in-the-sky satellite' deleted UFO Haiti footage says Pentagon hacker McKinnon
London - (X-Files): Pentagon hacker Gary McKinnon says he has evidence that Chinese military espionage is responsible for deleting footage of UFOs amassing above Port-Au-Prince shortly before last week's apocalyptic earthquake. Attorneys close to...
Read full storyJoe Jonas Goes Solo! We Told You So!
We told you a month ago that the Jonas Brothers are breaking up and now Joe Jonas is going solo while one brother gets married and the other is looking the solo route also. Joe told UP2 Saturday that each brother has decided on his own career and...
Read full storySea Creatures With Stranger Than Fiction Lifestyles
Scientists are discovering more and more strange creatures in the depths of the ocean, many with stranger than fiction lifestyles. The burning bush crab in the Pacific Ocean makes all sorts of unintelligible noises and falls over its own feet when it tries to walk, and has evolved so that it has to choke on its own food to digest it. Its diet is a mixture of pretzel fish and coca leaves and aqu...
Read full storyOz cops say William 'planning to nuke Chevron's Gorgon field'
Sydney - (Tossers): Anti-terror cops said today they had tracked a secret CD containing terrorist codes hiddden in the young upstart's luggage. The device contained an encrypted masterplan to crash a Chinese nuclear submarine into Chevron's massiv...
Read full storySherlock Holmes Kicks Avatar's Ass Good
Remember Titanic, when it "used to be" a HUGE hit? Well the director's back and this should be fun given that his new movie, Avatar has got some serious competition: Sherlock Holmes. Robert Downey Jr. said in an interview that "He didn't think that S...
Read full storyReturn of the Hun
Brawn GP, recently purchased by Mercedes, was far too stingy to pay a World F1 Champion a decent fair wage for a day at the coal face. Or were they? How can we expect the new champion to maintain his Monte Carlo flat, his luxury yacht and a Ford T...
Read full storyPrince William represents Queen on tour
Forces sweetheart Prince William has arrived in Sydney on his first royal visit representing the Queen. However he has caused some raised eyebrows amongst his subjects 'down under' by carrying out his duties whilst putting on a Queens voice and acti...
Read full storyReturn of Rab C Nesbitt documentary angers Scots
The popular fly on the wall documentary featuring Robert 'Rab' Nesbitt and his family and friends returns to our screens this week (BBC2 9.30pm, English Subtitled). However the return of this popular philosopher has not been welcomed by everyone.
Read full storyBig Brothers Lady Sovereign says "Yes, the rumours are all true"
Lady Sovereign has confirmed today that all the rumours are true. She did this through a close friend who knows her better than anyone. The friend says that anything you've ever heard that sounded a bit bizarre or a bit strange, and you thought "tha...
Read full storyWilly Wonka bids for Cadbury can outbid Kraft
Willy Wonka the world famous chocolate maker is bidding to buy Cardbury and is prepared to put in a bigger bid than Kraft. Wonka is reported to be furious that although he is in a financial position to put in a bigger bid than Kraft he is being preve...
Read full storyWoman in love with Frog
A woman from Wisconsin is being divorced by her husband because she is "in love with a frog". Writer, JanSal is in an ecstatic state over the love she feels for a frog she met at a local pond this summer. Her husband and family are "fed up" wit...
Read full storySex, sex and more sex
Get a Grip on Gossip, the new Tabloid on news stands today says that their reporter Gessie Gotcha has found Tiger Woods and has been hiding in the woods near the "rehab" clinic in Arizona where Tiger is getting help with his "problem". The rehab e...
Read full storyThe Great Period Synchronization Of 2010 Emerges
Men all over the world are said to be 'heading for the hills' as women all over the world synchronize there periods to create one hellish up and coming 5 days. News of this mass synchronization came as Mark Bishop a Canadian man got home from work...
Read full storyHealth and Safety for Weightwatchers
After a second floor collapse at a Weightwatchers meeting in Swindon, the Safety, Health and Income Tax Executive have issued a series of guidelines for all diet and exercise clubs. Where possible, all meetings of ten or more people over fifteen s...
Read full storyThai Daily News 19.1.10
After another exciting day on the streets of Bangkok, here are the main news stories brought to you by a waster with nothing better to do than to bore you with them. WOMAN'S TIT SEEN THROUGH BLOUSE News has just come in that a foreign passenger...
Read full storyBlogger Disproves Global Warming; Scientists Stunned!
A blogger who struggled through high-school math has completely debunked the theory of Catastrophic Anthropogenic Climate Change, otherwise known as "Global Warming". "It was easy, really," said Barney Schtupnagel, "I knew it was a lot of hooey be...
Read full storyThe 6-step Strategic Plan
Every government or private sector department needs a strategic plan, whether they realise this or not. Many departments even get their act together to actually produce such a plan. The process usually followed is the six-step plan originally devised by Procrastinus in the early part of the Holy Roman Empire. Step 1 The executive management team get together when the realisation dawns that...
Read full storyKerry Katona Quits The Fat Farm - Gains Four Pounds The First Day
WILMSLOW, England - Former singer and media personality, Kerry Katona has officially left the Fat Farm and right away she admits that she gained four pounds the first day. Katona said that it was very depressing being around so many fat, overweigh...
Read full storyHowie, Howie where is Howie
NBC Peacock is not well. The popular TV game show "Deal or No Deal" is no longer available for the enjoyment of viewers. It is reported that the show's producers are not able to provide funds for the show to continue. The show was so popular b...
Read full storyFeminism Finished! NOW closes offices across America
Is feminism finally finished? That seems to be the case today as Patti Cockburner, head of NOW's Media Relations Centre, announced the closing of all NOW offices across the United States. "There's no point anymore," siad Cockburner, citing the...
Read full storySpoof Writer Gets Story Rated
An unknown reader actually rated one of TheSpoof.com's stories this afternoon, according to spoof writer NickFun. "I couldn't believe my eyes!" an incredulous Fun told TheSpoof. "I have grown accustomed to not having any of my stories rated then...
Read full storyWarren Redlich Does Not Exist, According to Newspapers
The New York Times, Wall Street Journal and other New York newspapers and television stations are trying to maintain their journalistic bias by attempting to ignore Libertarian Candidate Warren Redlich in his bid for governor. New York Times repor...
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