Mallwart Announces New 3-Tier Pricing Strategy

Funny story written by BillBritton

Tuesday, 19 January 2010

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Scott Lee, President and CEO of the international discount department store Mallwart, unveiled an exciting new pricing strategy for its 6,100 stores around the world.

Scott said his model is "based on a Sears strategy from years ago that segmented products into 'Good,' 'Better,' 'Best' categories." To distinguish Mallwart's effort, however, their marketers have assigned these category names: "Shoddiest," "Shoddier," and "Shoddy."

To further leverage Mallwart's position in the marketplace, the company will emphasize the "Shoddiest" category in its buying plans. "Mallwart wants to be second to none in offering the lowest prices and poorest quality, always." The word "Always" has become synonymous with the Mallwart logo and is proudly displayed on its store fronts and trucks.

The Mallwart announcement is apparently the cause of a recent 400-plus-point drop in the U.S. stock market and a 9-percent drop in equities around the world. The managing director general of the Asian Development Bank, Rajat M. Nag, said that "the shift toward lower-priced merchandise at Mallwart will certainly depress the long-term growth of the Chinese economy and at the same time rein in consumer spending in the U.S."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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