Feminism Finished! NOW closes offices across America

Funny story written by Arjay

Tuesday, 19 January 2010

Is feminism finally finished? That seems to be the case today as Patti Cockburner, head of NOW's Media Relations Centre, announced the closing of all NOW offices across the United States.

"There's no point anymore," siad Cockburner, citing the recent domestic abuse of Tiger Woods as "the final straw."

"I mean, we never thought anyone would take this stuff seriously," said Cockburner. "Back in the 70's, we began the movement as a kind of joke. The African-American community was doing some great things, and someone said 'Why don't we start a women's movement, just for laughs.' Of course we all thought that was a hoot. But before we knew it, the thing had really taken off. We thought for sure everyone would get the irony of women's lib when we started demanding not just equality, but special treatment based on gender.

"I mean, female reporters getting to go into men's locker rooms to 'get the story'. I mean, come on. This is while we're complaining about men "objectifying women." Then we get to have Playgirl magazine. And no one gets the joke. I thought the jig was up when Gloria Steinem got married. Remember "a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicylce? Then she marries. Doesn't anyone get irony anymore?

"But the final straw was Tiger Woods getting his face smashed in with a nine iron. If that had happened to a woman, think of how NOW would have reacted. But because it's a man, we don't even discuss it."

Cockburner shook her head. "What's the point?" she asked, in a bewildered tone.

"Now we have double standards about double standards. And everyone just buys into it. This is beyond funny," said Cockburner, gathering up her stapler and office supplies.

"I'm off to start a women's-only gym. Maybe people will get it then."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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