The highly volatile marriage between Scotland and England was brought into focus again last night in front of scandal-hungry celebrity reporters at a glamour ball in Woodburn Miners' Club, Dalkeith.
Having spent the night being wined and dined by a big hunky stranger know simply as 'Europe', Scotland left the club at 3am clearly the worse for wear.
Enough was enough for the plucky little country who flew into a rage when asked about England's comments the previous week that she had wasted her housekeeping money.
"He's a big, dirty bastard and a liar too" she snapped at surprised reporters. "For three hundred years the wages from my cleaning job at the community college have gone straight into his account and I haven't seen a penny. Three hundred years- and now he's got the cheek to moan about a wee 25 billion deficit!" she continued.
Scotland was led crying into a waiting taxi by close friends Wales and Ireland who promised to get her to a kebab shop before it was too late.
England was unavailable for comment but sources said the ageing constitutional monarchy was "confused and bewildered" by his wife's comments amongst other things.
