There were 1,417 spoof news stories published in October 2009. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
People Don't Like X-Factor's Danyl Johnson Because He Looks Like Richard Nixon
LONDON - Simon Cowell is furious that his protege, Danyl Johnson was in the bottom two of the last edition of X-Factor. Cowell said that 27-year-old Berkshire native Danyl along with America's Adam Lambert are the two best singers he has heard in...
Read full storyJennifer Aniston nude pic exclusive!
Hollywood, California - Jennifer Aniston, long known for her modesty, restraint and all around camera shyness, is said to be mortified at the release of nude pictures. So much so that she has had her attorney send scare letters to news agencies a...
Read full story'Man With World's Largest Penis And Woman With World's Largest Vagina Axed By TV Channel' Story - First Anniversary Party Planned
One time impoverished factory worker turned billionaire Spoof writer Skoob1999 told us today that plans were afoot to celebrate the anniversary of best-selling Spoof news story 'Man With World's Largest Penis And Woman With World's Largest Vagina Axe...
Read full storyKate Gosselin Agrees To Second Nude Appearance In PlayMister
BOSTON - Kate Gosselin of Jon and Kate Plus 8 was in town as the special guest of the Annual Boston Baked Bean Convention. She was asked how she is coping with all of the marital strife that her and her Korean husband Jon are presently going throu...
Read full storyNude Katie Couric Visits Nudists Colony Longwhopper Restaurant Sued 2,111 Times For Spilled Hot Coffee
Nude CBS anchor, Katie Couric, in a desperate attempt to boost her news ratings, visited a Florida nudist colony today to visit with the manager of Captain P's Longwhopper Restaurant which has been sued a record 2,111 times. First, Ms. Couric had...
Read full storyJames May causes controversy over Airfix Spitfire
Top Gear presenter, James May, never quite got over his childhood ambitions and so the BBC have created a reality TV series in which the 46-year-old can indulge in some of his obsessions. In the latest showing of James May's Toy Story, he decided to...
Read full storyStatistically six out of seven Dwarfs are not Happy
Studies have shown that six out of seven dwarfs are not Happy. Literary experts announced their findings after three years painstaking analysis of children's classic; Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Master Antonio Cherry, who led the research, sa...
Read full storyBeatles Pedophile Songs Banned by RIAA
Several early Beatles hits have been banned from the airwaves, download music sources and music store shelfs for promoting sex with underage girls, according to a press release from the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA). Among the B...
Read full story'Vegetarian' Spider May Not Be a Vegetarian
Scientists recently stunned the world by saying that they had discovered the world's first vegetarian spider. "Not so," claim his friends. Spiders the world over have contacted reporters to say that the story is not all that it seems. They ar...
Read full storySarah Palin Admits That The Nude Photos In Her Book Are Actually Tina Fey
PEORIA, Illinois - Sarah Palin in town for a book signing promotion was asked how her book sales are going. The ex-governor of Alaska replied that her book was selling like wedding cakes. An aide quickly whispered in her ear and she corrected hers...
Read full storyDouble Fanny Flash Disaster For TV Dance Show Judges
Embarrassment on a monumental level descended on producers and judges alike of UK TV dance contest 'Dancing On Ice In Too Much Make-Up Without Knickers' when contestant Fanny Dripping fell over at the end of her sequence and exposed what has been des...
Read full storyMan With The World's Smallest Penis Website Falls To #2
Penis Minus Wilson (not his real name) own website, LittlePeckle.com has fallen to number two in clicks after staying at #1 for over three years. "There's still a lot of guys out there that click my site to view the photographs because it makes t...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Criticized For Her Crotch-Grabbing Performance
POCATELLO, Idaho - Miley Cyrus was on stage performing at Pocatello's Mr. Potato Head Arena, when all of a sudden in the middle of her song "Ooh La La, I'm In La La Land" she reached down and grabbed her crotch. Stunned audience members and even t...
Read full storyI was fingered by Jeremy Beadle, says dwarf
Miss Fanny Walker, from Sleaford in Lincolnshire has revealed exclusively to this paper that she was once fingered by TV Prankster Jeremy Beadle. "It was when I was 19 that it happened for the first time", recounted Miss Walker. "I met Jeremy aft...
Read full storyJaycee Lee Dugard Abductor Phillip Garrido - Vatican Breaks Silence
Deadline, Vatican City, Rome, Italy. Following claims from nutjob Phillip Garrido, the kidnapper of Jaycee Lee Dugard, that he kept God in a box, and held regular conversations with the Divine One, the Vatican, which until now has been reluctant t...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars' Donny Osmond Apologizes For Acting Gay With Bruno Tonioli
HOLLYWOOD - Donny Osmond and his partner Kym Johnson finished dancing a fairly decent rumba and then went and stood before the judges to receive their critique. The old codger from England Len Goodman said it was alright. And then the Italian judg...
Read full storyIndian Airline Claims Sex Flight A Success
Executives at an Indian airline have hailed as a tremendous success, a new service which caters for the depraved and sex-mad amongst travellers, providing in-flight gratuitous sex facilities. Kabbadi Air started its service with a flight from the...
Read full storyPompey Lil Makes 1,000th Court Appearance
Renowned Portsmouth prostitute Pompey Lil made her 1000th court appearance in the city today, accused of soliciting an American tourist. It was alleged that Pompey Lil offered the tourist a spot of 'How's your father' up a back alley for a 'score.
Read full storyBarack Obama Wins Nobel Peace Prize. Rush Limbaugh's Head Explodes.
(New York-NY) Patriotic or Xenophobic, depending on if you are a regular viewer of Fox news, talk show host Rush Limbaugh's head exploded during a broadcast of "The Rush Limbaugh Show". Limbaugh was in the middle of an impassioned speech on President...
Read full storyMeghan McCain Shows Off Her "Puppies" On Line
PHOENIX - Meghan McCain, the 24-year-old daughter of the 2008 Republican presidential candidate Senator John McCain, posted a self-photo of herself on "Twitter," holding a book by Andy Warhol, and showing off her two cute-looking healthy 'puppies.'...
Read full storyNew Airport Scanner sees you NUDE
Manchester airport have unveiled their latest device to counter terrorism, or at least this is what they claim. The terrahertz scanner, or Counter-Terror Hurts Scanner as it has been dubbed by insiders, is the X-Ray glasses that were always advert...
Read full storyWhitney Houston In X-Factor Bra Strap Boob Nearly
Soul Diva Whitney Houston tonight overcame a potential disaster as she performed live on UK TV show the X-Factor. Part way into Houston's performance a titty sling strap snapped, a minor event, nonetheless one which could have had embarrassing con...
Read full storyLight Relief
Tissue manufacturers are becoming increasingly concerned over the spread of a fungus apparently living off tissue paper which has been found in batches of tissues and toilet paper rolls across the globe. Once the fungus gets inside the pack of tissue it starts to make the tissue its home while travelling around the world for its customer. During this time it absorbs goodness in the tissue and i...
Read full storyThis Space Intentionally Left Blank
Google has stunned the Internet community by including a comment on their search page which can only be described as a paradox. When the Google search page first opens, the sentence 'This space intentionally left blank' is displayed below the page c...
Read full storyBenitez Sacked By Liverpool, Beach Ball To Take Coaching Position
Rafa Benitez has been sacked as manager of Liverpool FC following yet another defeat. The board took their decision immediately after the defeat by Lyon in the Champions League. Sammy Lee, Benitez's assistant is to take charge of first team affairs w...
Read full storyErin Andrews Peephole Naked Video Warning
Breaking news from our London office indicates that internet surfers looking to view naked videos of the hot ESPN presenter, Erin Andrews, are likely to catch a lot more than an eyeful of skin. Our research reveals that over 90% of internet sites...
Read full storyThe Microphone That Kanye West Snatched From Taylor Swift Is Now In The Smithsonian Museum
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The microphone that Kanye West, aka Kanye Pest, took away from sweet, little Taylor Swift at the MTV Music Video Award Show has been confiscated and placed in the museum of Washington D.C.'s Smithsonian Institute. Vincent Fitzho...
Read full storyNude Photos of Marilyn Monroe Surface At Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch
LOS ANGELES - A Neverland Ranch caretaker who is in charge of cleaning out The Billie Jean Petting Zoo has said that he found a Manila folder stashed way in the back of the woodpecker cage. Ranch worker Yuuki Koriyushu, 29, said that when he opene...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson Confesses To Kristen
Apparently Robert Pattinson had something in his past that he really didn't want Kristen Stewart to know but she knew instinctively that there has always been something that he has been holding back. So, this past weekend he told her, and it didn...
Read full storyWhitney Houston Voted Off The X-Factor - Cheryl Cole In Tears Again
Soul diva Whitney Houston has been voted off the X-Factor according to an extremely unreliable source based in Matlock, Derbyshire. In an attempt to unearth why the great British public have apparently come out in droves against the 'I Will Always...
Read full storyVagina Girl From "So You Think You Can Dance" To Appear In PlayGuy
CHICAGO - One of the most popular contestants to ever dance on the So You Think You Can Dance stage will be appearing in the November issue of PlayGuy Magazine. Chenile Poonisha Pennypacker, who owns the most widely viewed biscuit since Britney Sp...
Read full storyDavid Letterman's Wife Sues For Divorce, $500 Million!
David Letterman's wife Regina, is suing the late night talk show host for a divorce, $500 million and custody of their son, Harry, according to a source who saw the court papers and revealed them to the Truth Tattler. Also named in the suit are e...
Read full storyUFO Computer Hacker Gary McKinnon to Receieve U.S. Medal of Freedom
The United States government did a complete about face today announcing that computer hacker Gary McKinnon performed a great service for the country and will be honored with the U.S. highest honor, the Medal of Freedom, rather than imprisoned. Sou...
Read full storyKylie Minogue Gets Chiggy Wiggy In Bollywood Blue Movie
Kylie's legions of male fans and admirers were left a little bemused last night after viewing her Bollywood Blue movie debut, during which the pint sized 41 year old Aussie starlet 'did' Chiggy Wiggy - which is not to be confused with 'jiggy-jiggy'.
Read full storyLydia Guevara nude pics demoralize Latin America
Havana, Cuba - A nation mourns, upon hearing the news that the granddaughter of beloved freedom fighter Che Guevara has decided to spit upon his memory by exploiting his name to assist the spoiled rich. Lydia Guevara has apparently agreed to appe...
Read full storyNick Griffin named new Liverpool manager
Nick Griffin, leader of the BNP, has been named as the new manager of Liverpool FC after the shock departure of Rafa Benitez yesterday. At a hushed press conference, the Liverpool board explained that, though he doesn't yet possess the correct FA...
Read full storyRetired Couple who Bought Old ICBM Missile Silo Stand to Make Millions; Discover booklets sold on EBay were full of ICBM launch codes!
When former Vicar and his wife moved to North Dakota they thought they found a bargain when they spotted a disused ICBM missile silo for sale for just $1; they thought wow, "I'll by that for a Dollar". Some 50,000 dollars or so later they got th...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson get scared straight
Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson were booked in the Los Angles county jail for drunk driving. Lohan complains that jail is an alien world filled with unspeakable horrors. Upon entering jail Lohan says she was photographed and then transferred to...
Read full storyWork Ethics: A brief history of masterbation at work
Are you familiar with the UK's legal requirement to masturbate at work? That's not surprising. Out of 100 people asked the same question, everyone said 'No'. Also 30 people asked me if I was taking the piss and 12 threatened to beat me up. 3 People actually did beat me up. The 1946 UK Masturbation at Work directive In the mid 1940's it was calculated that masturbation in men accounted for...
Read full storyGeorge Clooney Secretly Marries Heidi Klum
Surprising even the most diligent of paparazzi and scab entertainment reporters alike, a recent announcement from Las Vegas tells of a secretive private wedding between movie box office sensation George Clooney and former super model turned cable tel...
Read full storyHermione legal to fantasize over in next Harry Potter film
London, UK - Pedophiles the world over are expected to be boycotting "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows", due to be released sometime in 2010. It will be the first movie in which Emma Watson, the actress who plays Hermione Granger, is over 18.
Read full storyDancing With The Stars Feud Between Aaron Carter and Maksim Chmerkovskiy Heats Up
HOLLYWOOD - Talk show host Oprah Winfrey recently had Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield on her daytime talk show and the two boxers finally settled their 12-year ear-biting feud. Now Miss O will probably need to schedule DWTS 'Bad Boy of The Ballro...
Read full storyVagina Girl To Star With Ron Jeremy In The Porn Movie "Well It's Not Going To Lick Itself"
SANTA MONICA, California - One of the most popular dancers in the history of the reality dance show So You Think You Can Dance, has been signed to appear in a movie starring the king of porn Ron Jeremy. Chenile Poonisha Pennypacker said that she c...
Read full storyOlympics 2016: Compulsory Nudity
It has been announced that all athletes who will be competing in the Rio de Janeiro Summer Olympics in 2016 will have to do so in the nude. To be clothed - even to wear as little as a string - will be regarded as an insult to the Brazilian culture o...
Read full storyNooks vs. Kindles: All-out War in U.S.
The Kindle, Amazon's electronic reader, is furious that there's a new kid on the block: the "Nook" by Barnes & Noble. No welcome wagon is in evidence. "Copycat, copycat," screams the Kindle, remarking on the many similarities between...
Read full storyObama Completes Clean Sweep of Nobels
With Monday's prize in economics, all the 2009 Nobel Prizes have been announced. Barack Obama has completed a rare clean sweep of all the Nobels. The Nobel Peace Prize was awarded to Barack Obama for bridging racial divides by calling Kanye West a...
Read full storySharon Tate Murder File To Be Reopened After Roman Polanski Arrested
Disturbing new evidence has come to light that "totally changes" the way police are thinking about the 1969 murder of Sharon Tate, it can be revealed. Tate's husband at the time of her murder, writer and weirdo Roman Polanski, was arrested by poli...
Read full storyDavid Beckham's Beard To Join Notts County
Mega bucks football club Notts County have signed David Beckham's beard in a bid to reach the premiership. Following the recent Sol Campbell fiasco the club have been looking for a big name signing. Beckham's beard could prove to be the perfect signi...
Read full storyJaycee Lee Dugard - Abductor Calls In Hope Of Selling Story Exclusive
Reporters over here in my London office were dumbfounded when the office received a call from none other than Phillip Garrido, the weirdo freak pervert who kidnapped Jaycee Lee Dugard 18 years ago when she was just 11 years old. Before his arrest,...
Read full storyMaradona To Succeed Ferguson As Manchester United Boss
Diego Maradona has emerged as a shock potential replacement for Sir Alex Ferguson should the Manchester United boss retire at the end of this season. Although Ferguson has said that he wishes to carry on it may be a case of the spirit being willin...
Read full storyAthletes Sex Tests: Nude Scanner to be used
It has been announced that all athletes who will be competing in future athletic events will undergo compulsory nude scanner tests. The testing is to prevent gender rows in future games. The scanner that will be used will be similar to the one...
Read full storyNASA spy Stewart David Nozette grasses up Stephen Hawking as Pentagon hacker McKinnon's father
Washington - (Dark Side of the Moonies): Latest FBI espionage scalp Stewart David Nozette is to enter a plea bargain naming fellow conspirator Gary McKinnon as Stephen Hawking's firstborn bastard son. The Pentagon hacker's DNA was discovered on an...
Read full storyLiverpool sign Stadium of Light beachball to strengthen attack
Liverpool, in an increasingly desperate attempt to revive their flagging season, have signed the beachball whose skilfull deflection was their downfall yesterday. The beachball, who was on loan from the Spanish side Real Costa del Sol, will partne...
Read full storyKaty Perry and Russell Brand Get Matching Tattoos
PARIS - Comedian Russell Brand and his girlfriend pop singer Katy Perry were in town for the prestigious Madam Jean-Jean Underwear Fashion Show. While shopping for souvenirs on the Rive Gauche (The Left Bank), the giggly pair stopped off at the fa...
Read full storyDaily Mail writer Jan Moir has affair with cream cake
Obese and cretinous Daily Mail writer Jan Moir has been exposed as having a secret affair with a cream cake. It's been revealed that Mrs Moir has been cheating on her husband with the fattening pastry for the entire duration of their marriage. It'...
Read full storyOops! President Obama Told He Has To Return His Nobel Peace Prize
OSLO, Norway - In a shocking development The Nobel Peace Prize Governing Committee has stated that President Barack Obama must return the Nobel Peace Prize immediately. Committee Chairman Thorbjorn Jagland, stated that his assistant Astrid Gunnars...
Read full storyCheryl Cole DID Mime And You Read It Here First
We revealed exclusively on this website that Cheryl Cole was miming at key points during her 'performance' of her debut single, 'Fight For This Love' on the X-Factor, Sunday. Cole herself has since admitted that the performance wasn't entirely kos...
Read full storyTony Romo Blames Jessica Simpson's Breasts for Poor Performance, Fumbling Snaps, and 'Incompletions!"
Dallas,TX/ Broke Back Mountain Quarterback News - The Cowboy's 'aw shucks' quarterback, Tony Romo, with T.O. gone, and Jessica Simpson abandoned in a PETA shelter the day before her 29th birthday, is still blaming his former bad luck charm for less t...
Read full storyFilippa Hamilton on Weight Lookers' most wanted list
New York City, New York - Filippa Hamilton, the former model who was fired by Ralph Lauren for her excessive weight gain, is now being sought after by Weight Lookers. In fact, they've recently added to their ten most wanted list, a list they've kept...
Read full storyMan arrested for sex with horse - blames the horse!
Colombia, Tenneesse - A man who police say was caught on tape having sex with a horse and later arrested told them in an interview that the horse came on to HIM first. "She gave me this look and I knew she wanted it. We were meant to be. She to...
Read full storySarah Palin Says That David Letterman Should Resign
DETROIT - Ex-governor of Alaska Sarah Palin, in town to speak to the members of The Michigan Fender Menders Union Local 1313, has said that she believes that David Letterman should do the right thing and resign. Palin noted that Letterman admitted...
Read full storyJohn And Edward's Eraserhead Britney X-Factor Disaster
Irish Eraserhead haired John and Edward Grimes caused consternation among Saturday night TV watching sad people when they appeared wearing bizarre red PVC suits and singing Britney Spears' 'Oops I Did It Again.' With a slightly bizarre dance rout...
Read full storySuicide Note
Dear family, After much soul searching- and with the help of a bottle of malt liquor- I have decided to kill myself. I know I've always said that "you'll outlive me over my dead body," but circumstances have changed. You might be sad about my impending death, but we both know it's for the best. There's no denying that I'm a lousy wife, mother, poker player, ventriloquist and type setter.
Read full storyPresident Obama Receives Nobel Peace Prize, Pulitzer On The Same Day
United States President Barack Obama, after seven months in office and trying to get any of his programs going here and abroad, has received word that he has won the Nobel Peace Prize, for holding up the peace symbol during his earlier visits to Euro...
Read full storySunderland 'Balloon' Goal Scuppers Sorry Scousers
Liverpool crisis continues as Rafa's boys minus Stevie G and Torres crash to defeat at Sunderland. Goal scored by Darren Bent, but bizarrely deflected from a balloon/beach ball launched onto the field of play by a Liverpool fan. Ironically. Liv...
Read full storyObama wins Ig Nobel Prize in Chemistry for inventing Placebo Piss
After winning Nobel Peace Prize, US President Barack Obama has collected another shining medal to his award collection. He was awarded the Ig Nobel prize in chemistry for inventing 'Placebo Piss', a new type of piss that flows not from the urinary tr...
Read full storyNude Photo of Jennifer Lopez Mistaken for Missing Chihuahua
Posted on several utility poles and small shop windows around the upscale California community of Bel Aire, a blurry close up of what looked to be the triangular head of a Mexican Hairless Chihuahua buffeted by two pillows, was accompanied by three w...
Read full storyPope canonizes Obama - calls him a real saint
THE VATICAN - Pope Benedict added 5 new saints to the Catholic Saints roster on Sunday then before he rested he added one more name to the list - that of US President Barack Obama. The Pope said he got the idea to include Obama's name after canoni...
Read full storyPresident Obama Gets Down And Salsas With Thalia
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Barack Obama showed that he can get out on the dance floor and salsa with the best of them. One of Mexico's most popular singers Thalia, 37, was the featured performer at The Latina and Latino Fiesta Fandango Festival...
Read full storyFamily Guy's Peter Griffin outed as long lost brother of BNP leader Nick Griffin
In stark contrast to the racist, anti-Semitic, holocaust denying witterings that normally are to be heard spouting from the mouth of the leader of the British Nazi Party, tonight's audience of BBC's Question Time bore witness to an amazing revelation...
Read full storyAmy Winehouse's New Boobs Put Fear Of God Into Gay Photographer
Amy Winehouse's boob job may be old news to seasoned hacks, but for gay papparazzi member Johnson Love III a spot of overexposure has led to sleepless nights, tremours, and bouts of delerium. Johnson's ordeal began two nights ago when he went off...
Read full storySpiders with Massive Webs Start New Business
Scientists had no sooner discovered a special type of spider that spins HUGE webs than these spiders decided to open a global business, "Snare The Bad Guys." What this unique spider service does is to grab up offending people and/or products, s...
Read full story"What kind of Automatic Weapon Would Jesus Carry?" - New NRA Sales Promotion
The NRA announced today that it is beginning a national sales campaign across American to promote the sales of automatic weapons and hand guns. "Our goal is to sell a weapon of some sort to every man, woman, and child in America over the age of six"...
Read full storyNaked woman tasered at Mardi Gras for refusing to wear clothing
A naked woman at the Mardi Gras festival didn't want to put on her clothes, so the police wrestled her to the ground and tasered her multiple times. The crowd booed the woman and called her names as she struggled with police. The incident occurr...
Read full storyJay Leno's New Show On The Verge of Being Cancelled
HOLLYWOOD - An unnamed inside source says that the National Broadcasting Company (NBC) says that there is talk that they may pull the plug on The Jay Leno Show. The inside source who spoke on grounds of anonymity said that he heard two of the top...
Read full storyA vagina is a terrible thing to waste
Stovington, Vermont - The Vagina Appreciation Guild In North America (VAGINA) has released a study in which they claim that America's vaginas are grossly underused. Indeed, their interviews of 1,000 vaginal life support systems (women) showed disa...
Read full storyDavid Letterman To Appear On The Jay Leno Show
NEW YORK CITY - A spokesperson for The Jay Leno Show has just confirmed that talk show host David Letterman will be appearing on his new show. Leno, who is known for his boxing glove sized chin, said that Letterman called him and said that he want...
Read full storyMonkeys Plan to Radiate NASA Astronauts
When the inhabitants of the Monkey House at the Bronx Zoo in New York City learned that NASA planned to radiate monkeys, they decided, "That's it. Enough's enough." "It's an outrage," one monkey commented. "Just because they want to know the e...
Read full storyThe Jay Leno Show Beaten In The Ratings By The Condiment Channel
LOS ANGELES - The Jay Leno Show has only been on the air for six weeks and it has already been beaten in the ratings by a Cable TV Network. The Condiment Channel knocked Leno's NBC show to fourth place behind ABC and CBS. When Leno was told abo...
Read full storyRush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck Want Meghan McCain To Resign From The GOP Now!
NEW YORK CITY - F Network GOPolitical pundits Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck have said that they both want for Meghan McCain to resign from the GOP immediately. Glenn Beck said that the photos of Meghan McCain showing an expanse of cleavage is not t...
Read full storyPentagon satellite scans 'show Maddie running to Tapas Bar?'
Praia da Illuzion - (Pie-in-the-Sky): Kidnap investigators are demanding answers amid astonishing preliminary analysis of US spy-in-the-sky satellite footage. Unconfirmed reports claim to show 'a child running from the McCann Ocean Club Apartment...
Read full storyPresident Obama Wins The Nobel Peace Prize - Puts It Up On eBay
WASHINGTON - President Barack Obama has just been notified that he has been awarded the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. He instantly said that although he greatly appreciates the gesture he is still mainly focused on the horrible state of the nation's eco...
Read full storyMany People Unable to Find Nude Video of Erin Andrews
Millions of internet users have been searching Google for the famous 'peeping tom' video of sexy, blond, statuesque ESPN sportscaster Erin Andrew nude, mostly with no success! "I saw the video when it first came out", said ESPN watcher Joel Higgin...
Read full storyMan With World's Smallest Penis Has Son, Thankful He Takes After His Mother!
Penis Minus Wilson (Not his real name) and his wife Halletta, a pygmy from the Itura Forest in the Congo, have announced the birth of their first child, a son named Jean Pierre Wilson. "Thank goodness" stated Penis, "The little fella takes after h...
Read full storyManchester United 'Extra Player' Claim To Be Investigated By FA
The Football Association is to investigate a claim from Sunderland that Manchester United were allowed to field an extra player during their Premier League fixture at Old Trafford yesterday. The game ended 2-2, which was unfair on the Wearsiders,...
Read full storyFemale 'Peeping Tom' Arrested
The New York Police Department arrested a Georgia Tech student on "Peeping Tom" charges on Wednesday morning after she entered a man's bathroom as a male student showered, according to the police report. Officers responded to a call from the seco...
Read full storyKelly Osbourne of Dancing With The Stars Burns Her Armpits
HOLLYWOOD - Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne's little girl, Kelly has admitted to Dancing With The Stars executives that she has burned her armpits. The British lass said that a day before the show she sprayed on some deodorant spray and it had some kind...
Read full storyEggs Make Farts Smell Even More Rancid Than Usual
In a new report commissioned by FIFA (Farting Is For All) eggs have been identified as the principal cause of fart potency. The fart potential of eggs - especially boiled eggs - has been found to affect fart pungency even more than beer, Brussels...
Read full storyBritney Spears Arrested For Terrorism At Airport
Popular singer Britney Spears has been arrested at the Atlanta Airport after security guards had arrivals pose in front of a full body scan. Britney, who was very upset, sent for her manager who immediately called an attorney. An insider at the...
Read full storyArab World Upset At New Movie "The Men Who Sleep With Goats"
The Arab world is up in arms and upset about the new movie starring George Clooney and titled "The Men Who Sleep With Goats." Muhammed Rahad Siyad, secretary at the Saudi Arabian consulate office in Hollywood, offered the following statement: "Th...
Read full storyHeather finally gives EastEnders birth. But who is the father? Ah, yes, meet John Prescott!
Heather, an Eastenders character, most well known for not telling us she is fat or that John Prescott IS the father of her oversized kid, is finally due to give birth next Tuesday, 20 October 2009. Apparently, she will give away that Patrick, the...
Read full storyThe Reality Show Jon and Kate Plus 8 To Become Jon and Kate Plus 8 Minus Jon
LOS ANGELES - The producers of the reality show Jon and Kate Plus 8 have just informed the entertainment media that the name of the show is officially being changed to Jon and Kate Plus 8 Minus Jon. Cooper Kerplunk spokesman for the TLC Network wh...
Read full storySan Andreas Fault To Be Repaired In 2010
The San Andreas Fault, the continental transform fault that runs roughly 800 miles through California in the United States, and which forms the tectonic boundary between the Pacific Plate and the North American Plate, is to be mended next year. Th...
Read full storyObama Wins Nobel Prize and a New Category is Born - the Award for Nothing
Stockholm, Sweden -- Joining the ranks of Physicists, Chemists, Physiologists/Medical Doctors, Writers and Pacifists will be another discipline of Nobel Prize recipients: Nothingists. The new category, known officially as the Nobel Prize for Noth...
Read full storyNASA to Bomb Moon with Minivan
In a peculiar move NASA has announced it plans on bombing the moon with a minivan piloted by a housewife chatting on her cell phone while making a late left turn on a yellow. The minivan is expected to hit the moon at 6,000 miles per hour and adva...
Read full storyBeach Ball Was Really Sammy Lee
The beach ball which scored the deflected goal at the Stadium of Light on Saturday was really Liverpool assistant manager Sammy Lee. Following a run of poor results Rafa Benitez had come up with what he thought was a cunning plan to get an extra play...
Read full storyKhloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom Sign A Unique Pre-Nup Agreement
BEL AIR, California - Newlyweds Khloe Kardashian, the socialite, and Lamar Odom, the basketball player have just announced that they have one of the most unusual pre-nuptial agreements in history. The 25-year-old Khloe who probably is noted more f...
Read full storyMarie Osmond Upset At Being Snubbed By Brother Donny On Dancing With The Stars
HOLLYWOOD - The lone female member of the famous singing Osmond family is reportedly extremely upset at being snubbed by her brother Donny after he completed his Charleston dance performance. Right after the music ended Donny ran over to the front...
Read full storyDallas Cowboys Cheerleaders In Alleged Bank Robbery
Police in Denver, Colorado have issued arrest warrants for six cheerleaders after a daring raid on a city bank this morning, in which 16 customers were assaulted, and three more had their faces sat on. The incident came only hours after the Dallas...
Read full storyDonny Osmond's Railroad Jitterbug On Dancing With The Stars Earns Him Three 8's
HOLLYWOOD - Donny "The Stormin' Mormon" Osmond once again showed that the Man from Utah is a virtual dancing machine. Donny and his dance partner Kym Johnson pretty much covered every square foot of the studio dance floor with their jitterbug rend...
Read full storyJimmy Carr almost apologises to Ann Widdecombe. Almost.
Comedian Jimmy Carr has apologised to former Conservative MP for Maidstone and the Weald, the fragrant Ann Widdecombe for lewd, distasteful and downright bloody disgusting comments he made on terrifically jolly TV politics quiz show 'Have I Got News...
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