Algerian Runners Will Be Golden Camels!
At the Olympics today its expected to be a two-horse race between the Algeria stars Nadjim Manseur and Nabil Madi in the 800 metres race. The two runners were victorious in their first rounds and beat a lot of the expected favorites from Europe an...
Read full storyBigfoot Settles For Silver Medal In Beijing
The 'real Bigfoot' capped an extraordinary year with a disappointing end for himself at the Bird's Nest in Beijing tonight, when he could only claim a silver medal in the Olympic Triple Jump event. Phillips Idowu, whose name is the wrong way aroun...
Read full storyBritish Swimmer Claims Silver After Near-Death Experience
British 10km Open Water swimmer David Davies swam the race of his life to win a silver medal in Beijing today, but revealed afterwards that it nearly didn't happen. Davies told officials at the finish line that he believed he had "died", and come...
Read full storyHallmark Cards Has New Line For Gay Marriages, Other Alternate Lifestyles
Hallmark, the world's largest retailer and producer of gift cards for all occasions (sympathy, birthdays, holidays, etc.) has announced that they will begin mass producing greeting cards for same sex marriages and for people with alternate lifestyles...
Read full storyFloozy In Red Shoes Flirts With Men, Causing Hard-ons
A woman in red stiletto-heeled shoes flirted with shoppers in a busy Staffordshire high street today, drawing admiring stares from desperate men, and causing widespread hard-ons. The woman in her thirties, emerged from one of the town's many chari...
Read full storyJohn Lennon shot dead at 67
In news that will shock the world we can exclusively reveal that John Lennon, lovable rogue and Dwarf catcher, has been shot dead by a crazed gunman in the heart of New York City. After hearing the tragic news we sent our US Correspondent Andrew R...
Read full storySecret TSA Taste Police Scheme Exposed
In the face of repeated and widely publicized failures to detect handguns at airports and radioactive materials at ports, our investigation has revealed that the Transportation Security Agency (TSA) has developed a covert plan to avoid future humilia...
Read full story'Silent Hour' Debuts on ABC This Fall
Hollywood CA-- Steven Boctchco's new police drama begins this September on ABC. The mercurial producer of 'NYPD Blue' and 'Cop Rock' has a new idea based upon the silent film era. 'Silent Hour' will have no dialogue at all. Ragtime music and pantomim...
Read full storyBilly Whizz Challenges Usain Bolt
Beano speedster Billy Whizz has laid down the gauntlet to Jamaican star Usain Bolt, challenging him to a race 'anytime, anywhere'. Whizz, who despite being around since 1964, still looks about 12, has branded Bolt 'overrated and old news'. "100 me...
Read full storyLouis Walsh and Simon Cowell Form Man Band for X Factor
The news came in today that the man sent from hell Simon Cowell and his arch rival Louis Walsh will perform on the first episode of the X Factor. The news came as a shock to most people as part of Walsh's new contract meant he had to audition bef...
Read full storyUsain Bolt Laps Rivals In 200 Metres Final
Usain Bolt has raised the bar in men's sprinting after lapping his rivals in the 200m final in Beijing and winning in a time of 0.578 seconds. The Jamaican managed to overtake his opponents for a second time on his lap of honour after he had already...
Read full storyPole Dancing helps women lose weight; though causing dehydration in men, says sexy study
Hollywood, California - A recent study on the health benefits of pole dancing has concluded that women practicing the vertical boogie-woogie do not derive their over inflated false sense of self-worth from men leering at their exposed bodies or from...
Read full story2008 Olympics: Man With Starting Gun Fails Drug Test
There was a new drugs scandal at the Olympic Games this morning, when the official responsible for starting sprint races with the starting gun failed a drugs test. Aun Yo Marx, who has started every sprint race thus far, tested positive for a ster...
Read full storyMcDonalds sells first real Hamburger
Yes it is true McDonalds have in fact sold their first ever burger made with real cow meat. Beforehand it had been made of squirrel, hedgehog and the occasional koala bear but finally cows were culled for meat instead of fun. When a local man...
Read full storyTroy knocks up Gabriella
It finally happened. Troy knocked up Gabriella. Yes that's right, Vanessa Hudgens is pregnant with Zac Efron's first child. Well, so the leprechaun in my head tells me. The High School Musical stars have announced in this weeks issue of OK! Magazi...
Read full storyOlympic President Pissed Off With Usain Bolt
IOC President, Jacques Rogge, has expressed his displeasure with Olympic sprint champion Usain Bolt, saying he has been disrespectful to other athletes by celebrating in a manner "totally inappropriate" for a man who has just broken two world record...
Read full storyGary Glitter Heads to Beijing In Sudden Change of Heart
Unwanted export Gary Glitter was this morning en route to Beijing after being refused entry to every other country. Glitter was previously holed up in the tiny country of Limbo, just outside Thailand. It is believed that Glitter suddenly decided t...
Read full storyInternet shopping van delivery driver sues supermarket over work practices
Harry Van Dieselgaspetrol, a driver for the internet home shopping delivery service operated by a top supermarket, is suing the supermarket over their work practices. A writ has been issued today to the Cheshunt head office of the retail giant by...
Read full storyJade Goody Reveals Cancer Scares Are Killing Her
Fat lipped trout Jade Goody has spoken exclusively about the cancer scares that are killing her. Jade has been the victim of 14 cancer scares over the past few years, since she got famous, and has revealed that doctors say another one could kill her.
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Dumps Nick Jonas for Lucas Till
Hannah Montanna star Miley Cyrus has started dating her co- star Lucas Till after he gave her a silver "slave" bracelet to ensure that she "belonged exclusively" to him. Lucas, frightened by allegations that Miley is "about as innocent as Madonna...
Read full storyRottweilers ate 3 year-old hotels heiress 'is pure invention': lawyers
Los Angeles, Ca - (Total Crap Mess): "Print that rotten, stinking garbage and we'll sue your freakin' ass off!" was the pithy comment from lawyers today who savaged celeb paper LA FagHagSlagMag reports that Paris Hilton is a doppelganger cuckoo in th...
Read full storyUK Troops Cleared of Drowning Teenage Looter
Three British soldiers of the Extreme Rendition Rangers Regiment were cleared of murder charges yesterday by a military court in Colchester. The trio stood accused of forcing a teenage Iraqi boy, Ahmad Karheem, an apprentice doormat weaver, into t...
Read full storyHousewife Barbequed Alive in Faulty Sunbed
A tanning parlour owner was sentenced to six week's community service today after a woman was cooked alive while using a defective sunbed. Kostas Gormlessky, an Albanian asylum-seeker, currently residing in Stoke-on-Trent, was convicted at Staffor...
Read full storyGordon Brown surprises Troops in Afghanistan
Prime Minister Gordon Brown dropped in on a surprise visit to British Troops in Afghanistan this morning. He had been kicked out of the plane by David Milliband, with a parachute of course, as they flew to the closing ceremony of the Olympics.
Read full storyEx- Deputy PM Prescott Hospitalised with Wrecked Rectum
Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott was rushed to hospital yesterday after suffering a massive fart attack during a heated Parliamentary debate. Doctors at Paddington Bear MRSA Health Care Trust declared Prescott to be in a stable condition after...
Read full storyWays to Prevent Silent Electric/Hybrid Cars from Killing the Blind
According to AP, "Electric and hybrid vehicles may be better for the environment, but the California Legislature says they're bad for the blind. It has passed a bill to ensure that the vehicles make enough noise to be heard by visually impaired people about to cross a street." I, on the other hand, have my own ideas to accomplish this: 1) Equip the visually-impaired with helmets and rubb...
Read full storyA Minute's Silence Has Profound Health Benefits
The World Health Organisation has today announced that "a minutes silence" does in fact have profound healing properties. The minutes silence, traditionally used for Remembrance Ceremonies to show respect for the dead, has now been adopted for other...
Read full storyNew Easy Peel Oranges A Hit With Kids
Following the sudden loss of popularity of the humble orange, due to the fact that it's harder to peel than a tangerine, scientists have been working round the clock to get it back on menu's all over the World. It was discovered that kids today s...
Read full storyLord Coe wins gold in Lowering Expectation event
Lord Coe, chairman of the London Olympics has taken gold along with teammate Boris Johnson in the Lowering Expectations event. Through their tireless work at press conferences the world is now convinced that London 2012 will be dull, pedestrian an...
Read full storyHigh School Musical stars engaged
HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL stars Zac Efron and Vanessa Anne Hudgens have confirmed that they are engaged. The tween icons have been in a relationship for a long while now, and their relationship has definetely increased the popularity of the movie, it's...
Read full storyGary Glitter Refused Entry
Fallen rock star, Gary Glitter, currently in Thailand, has been told that he will be refused entry in any Country for the foreseeable future. Sadly, he is automatically guaranteed to get into the UK, as he was born here. Happily, he's refusing to...
Read full storyPope Benedict XVI Names Three New Saints
Vatican City-- Pope Benedict named three new saints today in a ceremony at Vatican City. The three are the first new saints of the 21st Century and reflect our modern society. Roman Catholics believe saints are intermediaries between God and man and...
Read full storyJesse's 'Rainbow Coalition' Plans To Disrupt Democratic National Convention!
It's the first time since the 1984 Democratic National Convention that the Reverend Jesse Jackson will not be speaking at the Convention (this year in Denver). Somebody forget Jesse? Nah! Said an ardent Barack Obama supporter, "When a brotha calls a fellow brotha a nigger and says he wants to cut off the balls of that other brotha, we shut him down for good!" So, goodbye Jesse and your repulsi...
Read full storyBigfoot Find Hoax; Harry and the Hendersons Documentarial Evidence?
The announcement that the recently discovered Bigfoot remains was nothing more than an elaborate hoax, is reported to have shocked many in the film world, who believed that the ending of the epic film 'Harry and the Henderson's' was based on document...
Read full storyLost Kremlin Memoranda Found
Moscow, August 13, 2008: The Russian Federation has released emails concerning lost KGB memoranda sent to Soviet (USSR) state officials, by a KGB operative. This correspondence sheds some light on Soviet and American intelligence activities in the waning days of the cold war. The translated emails are provided below: [strong]THE FEDERAL SECURITY SERVICE OF THE RUSSIAN FEDERATION (FSB)[/strong...
Read full storyUniversity to Offer a MORON's Degree
Sacramento CA - Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that a new Masters Degree program will be initiated at a Californian university beginning with the fall semester. The new program is to reside in the Political Science Department, but also...
Read full storyPolitical Fundraising Study Released
New York NY, 21 August, 2008: A joint study concerning the production of fund raising materials by both the Democratic and Republican Party's presidential candidates was released today. The study was sponsored by the New York Times and the New York...
Read full storyCancer Diagnosed With Goody
Mumbai - It was announced earlier today that controversial reality figure, Cancer, has been diagnosed with Jade Goody. Publicist, Ford Climax, told reporters that Cancer has had Jade Goody 'up to here', indicating the forehead as the infected area...
Read full storyFinnigan and Clooney in Knee Op Scam?
Speculation is mounting that glamorous television pensioner, Dame Judy Finnigan, who's absence from the failing 'Richard and Judy Show' was explained by her irritating husband and co-host Richard Madeley as "a simple knee operation", may in reality h...
Read full storyRabbi Lionel Blue speaks
Hello John, Hello Sue, Hello Billy, Hello Bobby, Hello Readers. I was watching the Olympic Games last night and realised that there are three medal positions. I thought to myself, this must be because they are unsure who the winner of an Olympic Game is, so they give three out just, as the Irish would say, to be sure, to be sure, to be sure. The Olympic Games are really great for sport. They...
Read full storyJesse Jackson's JFC (Jesse's Fried Chicken) Successfully Sued by KFC
After being rebuffed for calling Barack Obama 'a nigger whose nuts should be cut off', Jesse Jackson, once the U.S.'s MegaBlack Leader has had to find another outlet for his giant ego. He's already rich from his Rainbow Coaltion, but getting the 'Dea...
Read full storyBAAO's Lil Bopeep Announces Airport Fire Sale!
The British Aeronautical Ass Osculation CEO Lily Bopeep has declared the opening of a emergency sale of all British airports. Prospective buyers have been submitting their bids along with details of the creative changes they would make. Eccentr...
Read full storyMosques Go to 24 hour Prosrate through Window for Ramadan!
Mullahs looking for more moolah have conceived (they claim immaculately) of the innovative notion of the all day all night prostrate through prayer window open all month long during the holy month of Ramadan. Hard working Muslims who have not fou...
Read full storyUS Neucular Submarine Houston Takes Leak in Sasebo Harbor, Japan
United States Nuclear Submarine the Houston has a problem. While visiting the western Japanese port city of Sasebo on a diplomatic mission to help the Japanese accept the future presence of the immense nuclear-powered aircraft carrier The George Wash...
Read full storyObama Supports Affirmative Action for White Red Necks Through Off-Shore Drilling!
Barack Obama reversed himself twice in a single policy proposal. Obama has been a firm supporter of the affirmative action policies for minorities that got him his education and a concerned environmentalist who has opposed off-shore drilling. To...
Read full storyOne of the Great Spoofers, A. Solzhenitsyn, Dies The Other Day!
Few spoofers could have done it better! The Nobel Prize winning Russian writer taunts the totalitarian Soviet leaders tirelessly. He uses his wit and genius and Western fame to pluck the beard of the communist dictators in classic novels and brave sp...
Read full storyCharlie Wilson's War: The Sequel
The Mike Nichol's film version of the Texas congressman's descent into alcoholism and lechery and his ascent as the conqueror of the evil empire in Afghanistan has now given rise to a film sequel. The new movie tells the tragic tale of the American d...
Read full storyOlympiad Puts the Red Back in Red China!
The western hope that the Olympics would help democratize communist China has proven to be an opium pipe dream. As the Olympic Games have drawn closer and closer, China has become closed-er and closed-er. Repression of Tibet has increased. Silenc...
Read full storyMcCain's "Cuntry First" Slogan Arouses White Working Class Voters
Obama has had trouble reaching the white working class voter in both the primary and now the general election campaign. Hillary hit homeruns with that niche group and McCain's advisors seem to have figured out why. Krawl Ovary, a former intern to...
Read full storyThe Pill Prevents HIV Transmission for Some!
The good news is that some people will be protected from HIV transmission if the birth control pill is used properly. Experts on HIV transmission expressed outrage at the new report that attributed protective powers to the birth control pill not just...
Read full storyMany Voters Insist on Identifying as Republicants!
Major news sources across the country are reporting that voter registration since 2005 has been dominated by the democrats and the Independents (Independents are defined in TheSpoof.com as people who can't seem to make their member...ship stand). But...
Read full storyI Dated A Suicide Bomber!
While studying neuroscience at Brandeis University and later at MIT it turns out that I dated a suicide bomber. On a cool October night in New England I stopped off at the MIT library for a late night research session. The neuro section was totally crowded and so I took my books and articles to the nearby self-explosives area of the physics stacks. In a moment of inattention between synapse...
Read full storyMcCain Sends Wife Cindy to Topless Contest for Christ, Country and Campaign!
John McCain told a motorcyclist's gathering in Sturgis, South Dakota that he told his wife Cindy that:" With a little luck she could be the only woman to serve as first lady and Miss Buffalo Chip!" ESPN recently reported that contestants in the...
Read full storyHillary Clinton pulling ahead in penis fencing completion for Obama's V.P. pick
Washington, DC - Topping the short list of political contenders to share in the Democratic Party's Barack Obama Presidential ticket as vice president, Hillary Clinton has surprisingly pulled ahead in the penis fencing competition secretly held behind...
Read full storySex Offenders Grounded Over Health Fears
London - The British Home Office today announced plans to introduce new laws that will prevent sex offenders from leaving the country, 'willy-nilly'. Home Office spokeswoman, Kitty Fiddler, told reporters that it was imperative that minors living...
Read full story