Hollywood, California - A recent study on the health benefits of pole dancing has concluded that women practicing the vertical boogie-woogie do not derive their over inflated false sense of self-worth from men leering at their exposed bodies or from the intoxicating effects of inhaling too many alcohol molecules from the vapors of their customers mixed drinks as previously thought. No. Rather, they get it from experiencing actual significant weight loss.
"Think about it real hard, sliding up and down on a stationary object in an over exaggerated performance of simulated sex with the an oversized impersonal metallic phallic symbol is a real workout for participant and voyeur both," said Sid Milo, Director of the Health Benefits of Pole Dancing study.
Although Milo sill cannot rule out other contributing factors like all that spinning and up side down hang time that pole dancers do that may explain the underlying sense of euphoria they report experiencing and not just the sense of self-satisfaction they get from achieving their optimal targeted weight for their body type and height.
So far, the only side effect reported: it causes dehydration in men who drool over them and even inconsistence, as a number of the men inexplicitly excuse themselves to the closest bathroom facility to relieve themselves just minutes into the pole dancers performance.
"Once again, we still can't rule out other contributing factors like the massive consumption of alcohol or even inconsistence," said Milo, as he swabbed the contents of a mop bucket and carefully placed it into test tube. "Either or both maybe adding to the dehydration the men reported experiencing. But I'll know more as soon as I process the more than adequate samples taken of the floor of the men's restroom the club owner so kindly provided me. Why, there must be at least five liters worth in there, and I have more in the back."
Milo's study on the health benefits of pole dancing is scheduled to be published in JAMMA next month.
The publisher has already ordered thousands of extra copies from the printer expecting to break all pervious sale records, as the issue will also be the first ever in the history of the highly esteemed medial magazine to feature a centerfold.
