Jesse Jackson's JFC (Jesse's Fried Chicken) Successfully Sued by KFC

Funny story written by Natowsky

Thursday, 21 August 2008

image for Jesse Jackson's JFC (Jesse's Fried Chicken) Successfully Sued by KFC
Jesse Jackson's 'Licken Good' chicken is killed by a court ruling in favor of KFC

After being rebuffed for calling Barack Obama 'a nigger whose nuts should be cut off', Jesse Jackson, once the U.S.'s MegaBlack Leader has had to find another outlet for his giant ego. He's already rich from his Rainbow Coaltion, but getting the 'Dead Mike Award,' for the upcoming Democratic National Convention in Denver starting on August 25, has caused him to go into a deep depression.

Said, Jackson, "All I done was ta call that whitey suck-ass Obama a nigga, who don't need no balls and they secluded me from talkin' at the Convention! They be all whitey lovers!" Jackson was talking in his native Ebonics, which was the common language of black people where he grew up poor in South Carolina. He will automatically revert to it in a private 'black' person to person conversation. In a public setting, however, his English usage is excellent.

Continuing with secretely recorded dialog, "Heck, I been a speaker for the Dem Prez candidates and my niggas, since the 1984 Convention! So I said nigger regarding Obama! Big deal, but to whitey we say black or African-American or person of color, but when we meets a bro or lady bro, then it be a nigga. Sure, I speak gutta talk, ebonicals, when I see a brotha or sista. That's our being man! Chitlins, a Bus, and nigga talk. Oh, the mike's on again! Shit damn, they won't let me speak in Denver cauze I screwed that big Obama nigga, but now, you damned FOX radio dudes done caught me again! Dammit turn off that mike! Hey, that producer, he's a sliced hymie from Hymietown and mike rhymes with kike. Catch me man on a dead mike in a studio. Sho'!"

Anyway, Jesse knew he was no longer in 'black vogue' after the Reverend Al Sharpton, supreme racist and Jew hater-baiter, called Jesse and told him, "Nigga, dis time they got us and weez gonna lose our balls!" It was then that Jesse got very irate, almost ballistic, but decided, anyway, to launch JFC.

Quickly, Jackson reminded Sharpton of the 50-50 deal to start JFC, Jesse's Fried Chicken, but the bros did not expect deep pockets to spoil their game. KFC, came immediately after them, before Jesse and Al could launch one franchise store!

Knowing Jackson had lost before he had even started, Mr. Jackson's attorneys, Marvin Bernstein and Saul Rabinowitz quicky got the case in front of Judge Emmanual Epstein in the Fifth District Court in Atlanta.

The KFC people were teamed totallng seven attorneys. It was a no brainer. Judge Epstein ordered a 'cease and desist' order to Jackson and Sharpton and to fork over $20 million to the KFC people in punitive damages demanded by the KFC clan. The Judge said, "KFC had proven its case and the defendants Jackson and Sharpton will stop the JFC chain immediately and pay the KFC people $20 million in damages by October 1, 2008. Jackson's only comment was, "Shiiiiiiiiit," fortunately, in a hushed voice or off to jail he'd go for contempt.

The entire case took 30 minutes for a decision reached in Epstein's Chambers.

Jesse left court cursing Sharpton and callng him "one big black jerkoff for the JFC idea and not even understanding it." All Sharpton could say was, "But the dark meat, the dark meat, Jesse!"

Sharpton left for Brooklyn, while Jackson went to his suite at the Atlanta Hilton and sucked down a liter of Chivas to calm his nerves.

Reported by Roscoe Jerome Sledge
c 2008 The African-American Monthly

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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