Los Angeles, Ca - (Total Crap Mess): "Print that rotten, stinking garbage and we'll sue your freakin' ass off!" was the pithy comment from lawyers today who savaged celeb paper LA FagHagSlagMag reports that Paris Hilton is a doppelganger cuckoo in the hotels family nest.
The publication's interview this week with Paris, 27, has claimed that the real Paris Hilton 'was eaten by family guard dogs' during a poolside barbecue accident on her third birthday.
"We're standing by our story," the paper's Dave Skank said today, "and we've got the DNA to prove the scam behind the facade!"
Skank has probed Hilton family hystery and claims Sarah, Duchess of York and 'glamrock' UK singer/cum-notorious pedo Gary Glitter had a daughter who resembled little Paris so much that she was hastily planted into the tragedy-hit hotels family after the Rottweiler incident.
"We'll be posting video footage of the 1984 done deal on the net next week," Skank told reporters.
"Hitlon lawyers can go f**k themselves."